A toxic relationship eventually leads to unhappiness for one side, if not both. When in a relationship, one of the partners can actually signal for help a couple of times or they might be showing some red flags that the other partner should not overlook.
However, many couples continue living on with these signs blaming life, circumstances, their significant other, and even sometimes themselves without letting the possibility of seeing the reality as it is; of changing their romantic life for the better.
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1. Prioritizing and spending time with others more than you
When you commit to a relationship you don’t only give your love, you also give your time and energy. Of course, we all get to spend time alone and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that, however, in a relationship I think this time needs to be, at least, balanced.
If your partner spends more time with anyone else that is not you than they spend with you, odds are your company is not satisfactory anymore. No matter how harsh it sounds, it is not natural to devote time for friends, family more than the person you are in a relationship with, especially, if this time is spent willingly, by a conscious decision.
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2. Canceling plans without rearranging
Not having a free hour to meet during the day can be inevitable if you two are busy with your jobs and only manage to make time for each other once or twice a week. But you should be cautious when your partner is not willing to change the time or postpone the pre-arranged date to another day.
When they simply cancel the plans without even an explanation and without an alternative plan, then chances are she/he is not very interested in the activity you two were supposed to involve in.
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3. No communication as there used to be before
Communication is the fabric of every kind of relationship. Without this basic matter, we can’t talk about any long-term durability or happiness. It is a sign that your partner is unhappy in the relationship if they avoid conversation or try to evade any discussion.
When they don’t want to perform this simple yet significant task of any healthy relationship, it also means that they are not willing to take it afar and just maybe are not ready to confront this and fix it eventually.
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4. Little excuses emerge to have a fight
As opposed to the sign mentioned above, they might actually talk unusually more and only to create arguments between you. If your significant other got prone to make an elephant out of a fly recently, then instead of questioning their behavior you can actually ask them if they still want to continue this journey with you or not, right away.
Facing the truth at once is far better than seeing a relationship fade away or not fixing a correctable part of it due to a lack of communication. Don’t be afraid of the words, be afraid of the silence between you. It is as deadly as it is healthy if you miss the right time.
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5. They make new plans about their lives without including you
In other words, you hear them talking about the future or hinting at future arrangements, but shockingly there is not you. They neither mention your name nor talk to you about it. If you think you two are in a committed relationship, you should stop and reconsider the belief you have towards it.
Is it really committed by both sides?
Is your partner happy about you in her/his future?
Have solid answers to these questions before you get heartbroken, disappointed, and clueless about what to do next.
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6. They openly live their lives with no regrets about excluding you
Meetings with friends, colleagues, family members without you have become more frequent. They don’t even ask you to come or put into the effort to inform you about it. They would spend their days without you and not even feel remorse if you were not there with them.
Even when you openly demand to arrange a time to meet, they come up with excuses only to find out later that they already had other plans with no intention to devote time to you or include you in their activities.
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7. Longer response duration
As an early sign of possible ghosting, anyone who is not happy in your company will take more than usual to reply back. They may or may not apologize for it, or explain (when in fact, presenting an excuse for this), however, it would not change the basic fact that they just did not want to respond to your message or ring you back while they actually could.
I am not saying anyone who replies to you later than usual is unhappy with having you a friend or a partner. Some people can really have a valid reason for this since we are dealing with a super distracting world and even forgetting about our notifications is becoming a normal thing.
Here, what I try to point out is that this sign should not be overlooked if you already have other suspicions and think that something is off.
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8. Talking about the future is beyond the horizon now
Travel destinations, plans, goals are something you can reminisce about at the moment. Conversations don’t come to this point or when they do, your significant other find a way to change the topic or evade being involved in it completely.
If their honesty is much more powerful than just putting up with a subject they don’t really like anymore, they would avoid confronting these questions or even creating some dreams for the future with you.
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9. You feel ignored
More often than not, prior to feeling any of the signs aforementioned above, you are going to feel in your gut that your partner is somewhat dissatisfied with the relationship. In fact, the first thing you will sense is that you are neglected and that your partner fails to give the care and attention they used to give or that they know that you need.
While you try to figure out why this happens in the beginning, if your significant other is really unhappy, you will experience other signs soon as well.
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Bottom Line
If you are not happy where you are with your partner as well or have really noticed some of these signs lately, maybe, it is time to have that conversation you both have been avoiding so far.
Whether it will end for the good or the bad is totally up to you two, however, ignoring things and acting like everything is how it is supposed to be and there is no point after all this time trying to change the “status quo” you have been accustomed to is not something anyone would advise for having a long-lasting relationship where both sides are content and in peace with each other.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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White Fragility: Talking to White People About Racism | Escape the “Act Like a Man” Box | The Lack of Gentle Platonic Touch in Men’s Lives is a Killer | What We Talk About When We Talk About Men |
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