He’s lucky to have you.
Did you forget?
You’re a living, breathing, bleeding goddess, giver of life, breeder of ideas, and maker of dreams come true.
But sometimes, as women, we can make relationships with our men harder than they need to be. Usually when we let our egos run the show, oops!
Read on. Some points may shock you!
Let’s make your man fall in love with you all over again.
1. Protect This Above All, Girl
Your solo time is your most valuable asset.
And it’s only “scary” in theory.
Once you take yourself out for a walk no phones, no boyfriends, no BS, you realise you’re in clear-thinking heaven.
Nourish your relationship with yourself first, and everything else will fall into place.
Your man will see you as a mysterious attractive woman for it.
2. Bitch To Your Friends About Him
Rule #2 is never to vent to him about him.
If he’s slack, late, absent-minded, or always indulging in his addiction of choice, complain to your mates.
Got everything off your chest?
Now schedule a convenient time to chat. He’ll have no excuses not to listen. Don’t just pick a moment that suits you and come in guns blazing.
Make a cuppa. Speak calmly and leave enough silences for him to express himself too. Baby steps will lead you far.
But remember — there’s only so much you need to put up with.
If he’s really such a loser, ditch him. Be brave. You are meant to walk together, making each other better. Not dragging each other down.
You’re not his mom.
3. Genuinely Do This Instead Of That
An outgoing, talkative woman is really sexy at the start because we bring fresh energy and renewed passion to a man’s life. I hear you, introverted sisters, you think this doesn’t apply to you, but it might.
The problem comes if we never shut up and listen.
I see so many men who can’t get a word in when their wives are around. It’s ugly.
Listen with intent — leave a few seconds after he’s finished talking, take notice of his body language— you’ll realise either he is more interesting than you gave him credit for or he’s far more boring, sorry!
Either way, he will feel heard and love you for it.
Plus, it’s a great social skill.
4. Do This More Often Than You Put Him Down
Inside every big man, there’s a little boy who loves to be told he’s done good.
If you do it more often than you give him grief, he’ll be more receptive to give intimacy, trust and loyalty in return.
Let go of the little things. Focus on what he contributes and does well and let him know you’re aware of it.
If you’re thinking he does nothing right, then what are you doing in this relationship? Dig deeper.
Men are sensitive sausages too even if society told us ‘boys don’t cry’.
Be nicer 🙂
5. Accept What Is As Soon As You Can
Learning to accept things as they are rather than as you want them doesn’t make you a pushover.
But it removes the tension between reality and expectation.
- Let go of your expectations and high standards — the washing up may not always get done as well as you’d do it, but nobody died.
- Get creative so he cares about what you care about — make it fun for him to learn and show him, with patience, how much it means to you.
Choose the path of least resistance. This will depend on your tolerance level (which will increase as the relationship wears you down, lol. Or as you become more flexible).
If you want something done a certain way, you may have to do it yourself. Period. If you don’t have time, it wasn’t so important.
6. Make Small Time Investments
I don’t like football but I could watch a match once in a while if that’s what it took to keep my man happy (thank God it isn’t).
Be curious about his interests and he’ll find you interesting.
Plus, you may learn something new which is never wasted time.
If you complain all the time (childish) about his gaming, gym time or comics, he’ll feel criticised and do it even more to rebel (also childish).
Be curious. Stay open. Small gestures go a long way and he’ll be more receptive to caring about your interests afterwards.
Winner winner chicken dinner.
7. Be Less Afraid Of This
Photo by Cameron Richtik on Unsplash
Give your man a smooch down on the reg.
If you’re not a French-kissing kinda girl, long hugs will do too.
You can’t expect a fire to stay lit without chucking a few logs in. Be less afraid of intimacy.
- Eye gazing builds intimacy.
- Hugs build trust.
- Smooching builds libido — creative powr.
Intimacy makes the partnership stronger.
And it makes it easier to deal with crap and arguments that may arise on the way 🙂
8. Less Keeps Him Wanting More
If you act needy, desperate, demanding or too keen he may lose interest in you.
Be cool, girl.
You can’t text or call a man twenty times a day — I don’t care how new the relationship is. Control your impulses. Don’t act like a needy dog.
Miss him if you gotta miss him.
Women are like felines; elegant, smart, sensual, and independent. Go over to him when you want, not when you’re told. Flow seamlessly, not from a needy impulse.
Keep a part of yourself private, a small mystery to be solved. Keep him wanting more — by having your own interests, life, and inner world.
Master yourself first or you’ll suck the relationship dry.
9. Stop Trying To Control The Guy
I said it to the boys too. Jealousy is a shitty companion.
When you ain’t together, give two craps about what he gets up to. If you start overthinking the worst, get paranoid and controlling you become unattractive.
Leave. His. Phone. Alone.
Stop reading his texts and emails. It’s an invasion of privacy, I don’t care if you have suspicions. Either confront him and believe him or learn to do you and be strong in yourself.
If he is cheating, his loss. He’s weak and a coward and he’s gonna lose YOU. Times have changed. Women don’t need to stay trapped in toxic, shitty, insufficient relationships out of fear, lack of options or financial ties anymore.
There are nearly 8 billion people in our ever-smaller world. Zero excuses.
Don’t focus on him. Focus on you. Stop feeding insecurities. Build on strengths.
Photo by Cleyton Ewerton on Unsplash
Taking solo time is like working out. The hardest part is to get dressed and crack on, but once you’re doing it, you’re in bliss.
But it has to be a choice. A priority. Not something you squeeze in when he’s not available and your long to-do list is finished — which will never be.
Won’t kill you to throw a compliment or praise more often than you complain. Boys like that too.
Listen to him without an agenda. Maybe you’ll re-realise he’s got something valuable to offer.
Get to know what he likes and find a connection to it. It goes such a long way and you will learn something new.
Bitch to your mates when he’s being a pain, never to him. It will help build the intimacy you crave and you’ll be calmer when you confront the issue. Regular kissing, hugging and eye gazing are a must.
Playfulness is often an overlooked ingredient to strengthen relationships.
Lastly, stop trying to control him, it’s ugly. Jealousy is not your friend. You’re better than that.
You’re a rockstar.
Look forward to hearing your thoughts.
This post was previously published on medium.com.
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Photo credit: Justin Ortega on Unsplash