We’ve learned that no one can accept love until they love themselves. But you cannot love someone you don’t really know.
Sometimes the things we dislike or can’t forgive in others is what they mirror for us. But you can break that cycle. Yup, you. No matter what you have been through, no matter what dark corners you have found yourself in, you can break the cycle, and write a new story.
Witness your past, your childhood, your family issues, and your interpersonal relationships. Witness the struggles of others. Whatever problems people bring to the table are not yours. You are not your story or your history. You are far more than that.
It begins with self-forgiveness and self-love.
“You can be a witness, but you don’t have to live or repeat history”. Caterina Barregar
The old cliché says, “No one will love you if you don’t love yourself.” You cannot really love someone you don’t know. So, how do you start the journey to get to know the perfect, wonderful soul that you are?
Society and social media have created stereotypes that are huge barriers to getting to know yourself. You can break them down.
I’ll bet you’ll recognize some of these stereotypes:
He is the bad boy,
She is the high maintenance girl.
He is the macho man,
She is feminine.
He’s a jerk,
She’s a witch.
Here’s the truth. True acceptance is only possible once you meet yourself and truly love the person you have met. If you don’t like that person, you need to figure out why. It is quite possible, that the person you have met doesn’t fall into any the stereotypes listed above. If that is the case, you are almost home. Most of the stereotypes in mass media are created as marketing tools anyway. Do you just want to be a marketing tool? You are so much more than that!
Do you know yourself?
If you automatically change your behavior depending on whether you are around your mate or the guys you may want to think about it.
One of the clues to how well you are centered, or how comfortable you are in your own skin, or how emotionally healthy you are will be is how much you change your behavior within different groups. Do you change your behavior, your choices, your appearance dramatically depending on the groups you are with? Your team? Your best guy pal, girl pal, or your mate? The degree of change is inversely proportional to how comfortable you are with your true self.
If you feel you have to change your persona to fit in, which one of those personas is really you? If you can’t be yourself, there is something you need to forgive yourself for. There is a high probability that those things will have to do with feelings, not normally associated with the macho stereotypes that mass marketing media sells.
The man who knows himself and forgives himself and others will:
Witness his life, but not repeat history.
Be the one who breaks the cycle.
Not worry so much about what others think of him.
Find divinity, faith, hope, and freedom in the important things in life.
Not apologize for wanting that once in a lifetime relationship.
Show emotions openly.
Not fear what appears to be a weakness.
Turn down the guys when he really wants to spend time with his partner.
Be kind to himself and never beat himself up.
Be true to what he needs and what he wants.
Always speak of his partner in a loving way, no matter whether he is talking to his partner or hanging out with the guys.
Know his own heart.
Spend time doing things that are important to him.
Would you like to help us shatter stereotypes about men?
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Photo: Getty Images