As a therapist and a survivor of narcissist abuse, I’ve written a lot about Narcissistic Personality Disorder, and its manifestations. Here are some of those articles. Use them to identify narcissists, to escape them, and to determine if you are one, or at least if you have a narcissistic streak.
The first one describes 9 signs to look for in someone you are in a relationship with, someone you are considering having a relationship with, someone you work with, or within yourself.
There is more than one type of narcissistic disorder. As in most mental health diagnoses, there is a spectrum of narcissism. Knowing the difference can help you make a decision about continuing a relationship with one, getting out of a relationship with one, or avoiding a relationship with one, especially a Malignant Narcissist. Those you need to run, not walk, away from as soon as you are aware.
When a narcissist leaves you, it can be devastating. They have usually convinced you that you’re special because they’ve chosen you over all others. The infidelity aspect of narcissism denies that you are special to them and can cause you to want to compete. When they leave, we are left feeling worthless.
So, with all the pain, confusion, and covert or overt abuse, why do we get pulled in and stay in? If you’ve never been involved with a narcissistic partner, you probably can’t understand the allure, or the reasons people stay. Here’s an explanation of how narcissists target strong people who are vulnerable or in trauma or a crisis. Often the crisis is one of self-esteem. Narcissists seemingly have radar for strong people who are temporarily vulnerable. Their power to manipulate our insecurities is unparalleled.
As painful as their leaving us can be, their return can be even more painful. Not at first, of course, but eventually, and especially when they leave again. Why do they come back to us when they do, though? I’ve explained this in the following article.
There is controversy about whether people with Narcissistic Personality Disorder are born or made. Is it nature or nurture? Current studies indicate it’s a combination of both.
Narcissists tend to be amazing in bed. They hone their sexual prowess as one of the tools for enticing a partner into a relationship. They then use it to keep us in the relationship. The fact that a narcissist makes you feel so special in the beginning makes the sexual connection seem more intense and real than it actually is. These articles describe both the reality of sex with a narcissist, and the illusion it creates.
After reading so much about narcissism, you may wonder if you are narcissistic. My clients who are in a relationship with a narcissist, or coming out of one, often ask me, their therapist, if they themselves are narcissistic. I usually begin by saying that if you are worried you might be narcissistic, and are feeling guilty, you probably aren’t one.
Thank you to D. K. Harmony for editing.
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This post was previously published on New Choices.
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