When my daughter’s mom got pregnant with our child, I let the jokes fly.
The jokes about when your daughter comes of age, where she’s starting to turn some heads and the boys start prowling around. Sniffling and salivating; they lurk in the shadows, just waiting for the brisk moment of innocent naivety so that they may pounce and devour my little girl.
I don’t want to hurt her heart, or give my name a bad rep by trying to scare what is potentially her future husband.
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Of course, this is standard among dad friends I have had. They say to keep the shotgun in plain view when your daughter brings home a date or be at the counter with a blood-splattered apron on while you’re cleaning a carcass. You can have Buddy Guy’s “Leave My Girl Alone” playing in the background.
I’m sure I’m not the first dad that has heard these jokes or had those thoughts.
But is this how I really am inside? Is this how most of us are inside? Or do we say these things or act this way because we feel like we should? I know I did.
I’m not really like this. While I can be protective of my personal space and my loved ones, I’m not super quick to make a judgment call on someone I don’t even know, even to the point of subliminally threatening their lives.
My daughter is 16. Think back to when you were 16. Sure, you want to protect your child, but you cannot shelter them. The more you put constraints on them, the more they will just resent you and want to break out of those restrictions. I guess all you can do is raise them well, encourage them, steer them away from harm, and hope that they’re surrounded with people who have your child’s best interest at heart.
But 16-year-olds are going to be 16-year-olds. They want to taste life. They’re going to experiment. They’re going to date. And based on national averages, they might just have sex.
Scary? Yes. Awkward? Yes. But as the parent, I have to grow up and realize that this is what 16-year-olds do. Just as picturing my parents having sex is awkward, weird and probably gross, so is imagining your own child doing … it.
You and I just have to come to terms with it, that teens are going to be teens, and all you can do is hope for the best outcome. And we cannot do that by doing things that can jeopardize good judgment. We want them to be safe, happy and encouraged.
Out of concern and encouragement, the more accepted he is, the more likely he’ll act as if he’s accepted.
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I don’t want to hurt her heart, or give my name a bad rep by trying to scare what is potentially her future husband. I know that statistics are heavily against whomever she is dating at the time becoming her husband, but heck, it could happen. Or, her boyfriend could right now be pivotal in her growth, confidence, encouragement, and wisdom.
This guy could be the one that helps her in some specific area of her life, and if I do something like meet him with a loaded weapon, then I could possibly be doing a disservice to her future. What if this guy could be the best thing she needs in her life right now and I drive him off?
Worst yet, what if he sticks around, and I forever have this first impression? A permanent communication wall can be up between him and me, and we’ll never have the conversations we could have had. If he doesn’t respect me as a human being, he might respect my daughter a little less.
My daughter is sixteen. She is dating. She is probably going to be intimate as time progresses, if she hasn’t already, and I want to be the kind of father that assists her in her maturing and growing into a confident, wise, wonderful, kind person.
It is important to point out that my daughter lives with her mother over 1300 miles away, I talk to her all of the time. This means not only asking how she is doing; I also ask how her boyfriend is. I ask how his family is doing, and what they do for fun. I want him to be well. I have no contempt for him, just because he’s seeing my daughter. I even sent her a twenty dollar bill for her to take him out for a date.
Out of concern and encouragement, the more accepted he is, the more likely he’ll act as if he’s accepted.
The last thing I want to do is betray her by mistreating the very person in her life that she cares most about and who is holding in his hands her heart.
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“My daughter is 16. Think back to when you were 16. ”
Isn’t that the problem? 🙂
I remember my daughters first date, she was 16. Everything up until then was “group dating.” When Patrick came to the house, my wife and I sat in the living room and talked. I told Pat a true story. When my daughter was born, my life changed. Ann and I had been married for 8 years but had known one another since we were 11 years old. I explained that my wife is my soul mate BUT when Mugs was born, she struck a chord that I didn’t know I had. Back then, my wife had a Toyota Celica which… Read more »
“Or do we say these things or act this way because we feel like we should? I know I did.” It’s what we have been reading in the funny papers for so long that we actually parot it. I’ve said it too, but in jest to my wife and daughter. Do you know how I “scared” my daughter’s dates? I took them in, in a fatherly way and began teaching them from the get-go. The way that I look at it? Was not my job to protect her from him, I’d taught her those smart lessons so she was already… Read more »
It wasn’t my job to make Pat a better man, it was his dad’s job to do that BUT I have had a substantial impact on him. It’s my job to protect my daughter for as long as I’m alive. Pat came to me before he proposed to my daughter and asked for her hand. We talked in length. THEY made a good choice.
My job was also to help make my son into a good man and I did that as well.