It’s taking everything I’ve got to rise above the fact that most of my friends for the last twenty years have chosen a side — my ex-husband’s side.
It stings like you wouldn’t believe.
It’s not fair.
But no one ever promised life would be.
My friend Samantha was thirty-eight when she died. She left behind a devoted husband of nineteen years and two young daughters.
This letter is about the memories I have with this dear friend and her family, what her death has taught me, and the gratitude I’d like to express for being a part of their lives — as short-lived as it was.
Dear Sam,
I can’t believe you’re gone.
It seemed like yesterday when we embraced in my backyard, and you cried on my shoulder about having to leave your girls behind.
I’m so sorry.
I wish I could hug you one more time.
The grief and anxiety I’m experiencing in my own life right now can’t possibly compare to what you were feeling that day.
As selfish as I feel for thinking this, I’m going to say it anyway; my heart is relieved you are finally free of the kind of suffering only another hurting mother’s heart can empathize with.
I’m so sorry.
I wish I could hug you one more time.
Remember when we were all sitting at our kitchen table, and Benjamin took us all by surprise by putting your wig on? He swooped your bangs to one side, and with the cheesiest grin, he did his best impersonation of you.
I can still see everyone’s mouth wide open as we sat around the table, laughing out loud, with pure joy in our hearts.
If I could capture the essence of true love in a bottle, it would have been that candid moment right there.
Ben loved you so much. He wished to steal that terminal cancer from you so his daughters could grow up with their mother beside them.
Rest easy, my dear friend.
You don’t have to worry anymore. He will do anything for his girls.
All of this, I know to be true.
If I’m honest with you, I have a hard time accepting the fact that your love story and my love story ended so differently (when they both began strikingly similar.)
I know for damn sure this isn’t what either of us envisioned for the future on our wedding days.
C’est la vie, I suppose.
One more truth I’d like to share with you before I say farewell is, gratitude transcends.
Thank you, Sam, for coming into my life. Thank you for sharing your family with my family. I will never forget the love that overwhelmed me when you guys came to visit every summer.
Rest easy, my dear friend.
I love you.
It’s okay to let go now. Your girls are in good hands.
“I think when the dust settles, we realize how very little we need, how very much we actually have, and the true value of human connection.” — Project Happiness
Thank you for your love and support. ❤
©Divina Grey 2020
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Previously published on medium
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