Class has nothing to do with the price tag on your outfit. Class is about the dignity you carry yourself with and the level of respect you show to those around you.
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Gentlemen,
There is an unfortunate stigma that revolves around society which tells us that women don’t appreciate good men. That if you want to get a woman’s attention, you’ve got to be a jerk. Or, even worse, the supporting stigma out there is that good men are becoming harder and harder to actually find.
Because of this, fewer and fewer men are putting in the effort to be ‘good’ because they don’t think their efforts will be noticed. We can easily see how the cycle begins: Men do not think women appreciate good guys, so fewer guys act in this way, causing women to become convinced there are no good men left. Rinse, repeat.
The other day I put a status up on my personal Facebook page, it was the following:
I believe men are understanding that a beautiful face means nothing without a beautiful heart and a beautiful mind. Good, mature, established men are recognizing the value of having a teammate in life. Someone he can take on the world with. Someone he can share ideas and discuss life with. Someone who can stand on her own and is with him because she wants him, not because she needs him.
This paragraph, an excerpt from a recent article of mine, stirred up a bit of a discussion. The interesting thing about it was that out of about 30 comments, only one of them was from a man – the rest were from women asking where they can actually find men who think in this way. I was hoping for other men to step in and back me up. To confirm what I was saying is true. To tell the multiple women commenting that we do, in fact, want to find someone with these qualities.
No such luck.
Needless to say, when I write articles and quotes I write them from my own personal perspective. I write from the heart and according to what I really think and believe. In turn, I write on behalf of the good men out there who think and feel the same things that I do. Unfortunately, though, I am beginning to face more and more challenges from this.
Mostly, challenges from women. The “Where are these men?” comments are not exclusive to this one post. They happen often, any time I write something from the male perspective suggesting that we love and appreciate mature, driven, intelligent women. They happen when I write about how men crave depth and integrity in women. I am frequently questioned by women who possess these qualities but feel eternally unappreciated.
The truth is, guys, you’re starting to make a liar out of me. I know I cannot be the only one of us out there willing to voice these feelings on the topic.
Men, I know many of you out there feel unappreciated too. I know you have great qualities and are kindhearted, genuine, and giving. So, this makes me wonder, are you hiding these traits for fear of putting yourself out there and being unappreciated? Are you just saying you want a teammate in life but in reality just want a woman to follow you around like a puppy dog?
The fact of the matter is that good men and women are out there – but they feel as though their attributes go overlooked and therefore stop displaying them to the world. We should never allow someone’s lack of appreciation of us alter our nature. Our value and self worth comes from within, not from the approval of others; that’s why it’s called self worth.
Women want to believe you still exist. They want romance, courtship, chivalry, and respect. They want your love and your loyalty. And they want to give you all of these things in return.
Stay strong, stay positive, and stay true to yourself – the right woman will love everything about you that the wrong women took for granted.
Stand up, gentlemen. The women of the world are looking for you.
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This article originally appeared on James Michael Sama’s Blog. Check out his Twitter and Facebook.
Photo credit:ClickFlashPhotos/flickr
For decades now women have been telling us they don’t need us. Well, we don’t need them either. Why would I as a single man with a 6 figure income, my own home, and many toys be willing to sacrifice that when I know 50% of marriages end in divorce and 73% of those will be initiated by the woman because she’s “dissatisfied”? Would you jump out of an airplane if you knew half of the parachutes wouldn’t open? That’s the same danger we “good men” face. The non-good men don’t have that fear, they have nothing to lose. A… Read more »
“Men, I know many of you out there feel unappreciated too. I know you have great qualities and are kindhearted, genuine, and giving. So, this makes me wonder, are you hiding these traits for fear of putting yourself out there and being unappreciated?” “Women want to believe you still exist. They want romance, courtship, chivalry, and respect.” If that is truly what they want, maybe they (too) need to start looking beyond the prettiest and most self-centered faces. Stop writing off the kindhearted, genuine, and giving, as just another creepy “Nice Guy”. Ask yourself how many times you have simply… Read more »
My problem is that no matter how good of a loving and caring man I am women just flat out dont see me as an option.
Nope…not buying it:
If a man is TRULY a “good man” he would never behave as anything other than such.
How do I know?
Because my brother, uncle, cousin and a few guy friends are “goodmen.” I know many of these fabled creatures, personally, just haven’t caught one on my owmn fishing line…yet! 😉
Good article. One criticism, however, as well as a response. You paint with a broad brush, saying “Men are like this” and “Women want this”. Sure, some do, but I don’t think all men and all women each fall into one simple category. “One man’s trash is another man’s treasure”. I recognized a long time ago that I’m a good man; compassionate, intelligent, funny, patient, passionate about justice and the planet, able to listen and willing to serve… But I also realize I’m a fellow with issues; fear of commitment, clueless about how to let myself be loved, irritable, prone… Read more »
The problem can be shown from your post on depth. A passage from it: “Depth, class, integrity, whatever you want to call it – Men are searching for women who they can picture as an equal part of their life. Someone who they can share their passions with and really connect with. Someone who they can have meaningful conversations with. Someone they can sit across from at the dinner table night after night and never get bored.” You’re wondering why men aren’t responding to this. That’s because you just described what women wan’t, in a woman’s language. A woman wants… Read more »
Good men don’t brag about it.
Gracious. You’re asking men to come and confirm your vision of what masculinity is?
How about if I, as a guy started writing about what my vision of femininity is and then solicit women to “back me up?” What, you’re laughing? Sure. You should.
You want an understanding of what good men are? Talk to your grandparents. They know. They lived in much less confused times.
Actually, he’s just asking men to bring their good qualities foward regardless of what any woman does or doesn’t do. He’s telling men that the man they want to be shouldn’t be deteremined based on what a anyone else things, even any woman. So many guys complain about how women don’t appreicate good qualities so they then they blame women around why they stop being good men and revert to pretty poor and tasteless qualities. I actually think they are just using women as an excuse aronud why they don’t have to be a better man. And everytime men say… Read more »
“He’s telling men that the man they want to be shouldn’t be deteremined based on what a anyone else thinks, even any woman.” Given the rest of your comment, the irony of that statement seems to have escaped you: It would be hypocritical to say that you believe in that, and then presume to say in the next breath: “I actually think {men} are just using women as an excuse around why they don’t have to be a better man. And everytime men say women don’t like good men? Basically men aren’t saying women like jerks, they might as well be… Read more »
I often feel isolated and completely alone because I think just as you described good men. From a bit of research, I have found that the type is not necessarily alpha maleand is definitely not beta male but is rather Z-type. I am one of these. One who tried the PUA shit that guys seemed to be obsessed with, in their obsession to get laid. I tried it once, it worked like It was supposed to and u found it empty and less than filling. I need a connection to be legitimately intimate with someone, as a sapiosexual, it makes… Read more »