Professor tells us to clear our desks
00:05
in order to make room
00:07
for the greatest writer that has ever lived.
00:11
I tuck away my worn copy of Borderlands,
00:14
as a brick of white men proverbs entitled The Best of Shakespeare
00:19
is cemented onto my desk instead.
00:22
In the first sonnet we read, Shakespeare refers to women
00:25
as a deceiving hell that all men are led to.
00:29
Hey, thanks, Shakespeare!
00:31
How did you know “Deceiving Hell” was my nickname?
00:34
I tattooed it on my lower back
00:35
and now it’s how I sign all of my emails!
00:38
Thanks for the quick response!
00:40
Totally looking forward to meeting you in person.
00:43
Sincerely yours,
00:45
Deceiving Hell
00:48
“Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?”
00:51
“Thou art more lovely and more temperate.”
00:54
Dear Shakespeare,
00:55
Why don’t you compare me to the sun?
00:58
Because, if you touched me, I would kill you.
01:02
Hamlet, Scene 3,
01:03
one of Shakespeare’s most famous lines reads:
01:06
“The lady doth protest too much, methinks.”
01:11
Really?
01:14
Because, actually, methinks the lady “doth not protest” enough,
01:18
Shakespeare.
01:19
Methinks the lady is still protesting 300 years after your work was published.
01:24
Methinks why am I forced to sit in a class that acknowledges your work
01:28
but not the imperialism or sexism it’s built on?”
01:32
Methinks why is it when Cardi B makes up a word,
01:36
she gets called ratchet?
01:37
Meanwhile, your plays are comprised of literal gibberish
01:42
and you’re named a literary genius.
01:44
It’s wild how you died 400 years ago, but are still somehow
01:48
the loudest, whitest voice in the classroom.
01:52
If all of the world is a stage, who are the conductors of our curriculum?
01:58
Methinks it’s about time to flip the script,
02:03
Shakespeare.
02:05
Thank you.
02:07
(cheers and applause)
***
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