Instead of ignoring the anger, put it to a positive use.
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“Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.” Martin Luther King, Jr.
There is something very wrong with (and for) many white men in America. They are so damned angry.
It is a phenomenon that is distinctly un-lovable, and yet love may be the most effective response.
As a member of that cohort, I get it: every rule we were taught growing up has changed, every promise that was made has been broken. How we interact with women, privilege and all that it manifested for our fathers, grandfathers and forefathers, and everything it meant in terms of being a man, a provider and protector…. Gone.
The problem is the role of virile alpha male provider/protector is hard-wired into our brain. It is our very definition of “manhood.” Faced with uncertainty and change, the response of circling up protection around what we “know” and responding aggressively against the unknown, is second nature.
The racism we see in America today is inseparable from the broken promise of a “birthright” and privilege, and the scaling back of hopes and expectations as wages decline.
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Being AGAINST something focuses that energy like a laser, whereas being FOR something diffuses positive energy into an array of options. This is why right-wing talk radio works and attempts at liberal talk radio have failed miserably. Conservatives have bulleted talking points that are relentlessly AGAINST something. Even when they say they are “pro-life,” the focus is so narrow, that it comes down to being AGAINST abortion and nothing more. They’re AGAINST “Obamacare,” but press them for an alternative and you get a look of canine puzzlement. Progressives, meanwhile, want to include everybody and can’t seem to herd the cats. Applied to light, it is almost literally the difference between generating heat and illumination. Negativity feeds on its own energy.
The harder part is seeing what fuels the fire — fear — and responding with compassion and empathy.
The racism we see in America today is inseparable from the broken promise of a “birthright” and privilege, and the scaling back of hopes and expectations as wages decline. As in pre-WWII Germany, racism whispers in the ears of white men, “It’s not your fault you can’t provide for your family, that you’re not going to do as well as your father did; it’s THEIR fault!” and it points it’s bony finger at women who’ve gone to work (“because if you were man enough, she wouldn’t HAVE to work, taking a job away from a man.”), Or at immigrants. Or anyone else who is “different.”
It’s easy to feel bowled over by the laser-focused blast of anger and negativity, or feel the need to match it in kind. The harder part is seeing what fuels the fire — fear — and responding with compassion and empathy.
I get it. Angry white guy is exhausting and distinctly unsympathetic. There is much to hate about hatred, but that can only yield more of the same. If we can bring ourselves to recognize bigotry, gun culture, misogyny and white male rage as merely the outward symptoms of a very real fear, we can meet fear with empathy, compassion and even love.
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Few things are as dangerous as a person who has what he perceives to be a righteous anger and nothing to lose.
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White men are angry because the values of our society are lost to pandering to entitled minority groups that falsely claim oppression and victimization while stealing from, blaming and actually victimizing the white male. The leftist minorities choke out free speech, logic and rationality in their quest for victim points even though they cannot explicitly state what they want with evidence that they don’t already possess it.
You’re a SJW.
These are the same people who have no empathy for others. Nobody is taking anything from them. They fail to evolve with the evolving times. No more coal mining jobs, so learn about solar panels for example. The white man has been given a pass for many centuries, and everyone else in this society ALWAYS knew they had to put in the effort if they wanted to get somewhere, including white women. Hey white guys! Suck it up, but don’t blame the immigrants, women, black people and the damn dog.
White men did a lot to build this country. Stop blaming white men. That’s why Trump is President. No one wanted that. But a campaign of blaming white males for the problems in this country caused an unexpected backlash. Now here we are. I’m fine with a black , Asian , female, gay , or Hispanic president. I’m not fine with Hillary Clinton. You want someone to be Jackie Robinson then nominate a Jackie Robinson. Don’t throw out some recycled establishment hack and then when she doesn’t get elected call men sexist. That’s insulting and lazy. Liberals made this bed.… Read more »
The most confusing bit about all of this, is why are white men so conservative and support the Republicans. You seem to willingly ignore who the Republicans represent, that is, the financial elites. These are the people who have sold Americans out, they are the ones who push for globalisation and free trade. It’s the financial elite who are conservative voting Republicans that are destroying the middle class and the poor. They are the ones who move entire corporate operations overseas so they don’t have to spend on American wages and to maintain American worker’s standards of living. When you… Read more »
How is giving job creators tax cuts costing poor people? It is costly and complicated to move a business out of the country. The main motivation to move is oppressive taxation and law. If you don’t like working for someone else then work hard, don’t spend on yourself but invest in your risky business idea with a presentable storefront and advertising, employ other people while you get judged for being “rich” by having to pay higher utility bills and follow ever increasing regulation. But hey, entrepreneurs take that chance and it’s ok if they work hard and fail into poverty… Read more »
Are you going to pay for food and everything else that minimum wage will not even cover. It does cost the poor. The dogged refusal to pay at least the amount where they don’t have to go on welfare. Tell me how long would it take for price to drop? Or would they continue upward while wages remain stagnant.
I don’t think you really understand why there are angry white men, or maybe you don’t pay attention to social politics. Look at the news. Look at the media. Look at twitter feeds. Look at what white men are seeing constantly. Minorities demanding subsidies, reparations, welfare, affirmative action, special treatment. They demand this stuff because “the white man is keeping me down.” Look at the women. Look at feminism. They demand subsidies and special treatment. They demand stuff because “the white man (patriarchy) is keeping me down.” OK, I want you to really understand something here. Your average white guy… Read more »
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I can shoe a horse, rip apart an engine block and put it together again, hit a moving target at 500 yards, hunt my own food, live off the land if need be, and I built my home with my own hands. Tell me again how I need to learn to adapt.
People like you don’t get people like me, and you never will.
You call my masculinity toxic? I call you a pampered idiot with no useful skills. You claim I’m racist? I say that I will judge no human except by their character, and yours is lacking Jonathan.
The globalist want to show the white male like a dump person while the United States was founded by white people. The real american coulture is not Hollywood, obama the real american coulture is the pilgrims, the love for the work, family and the soil, private property and the right for gaving guns.
Women and minorities don’t have the power to oppress white men…What white males don’t realize is that the 1% is stealing their money and finding new ways to slave middle class, working class and the poor. Most American whites are poor…but remember most people don’t hate white men because their white. We hate you because you support racist, and classist systems that fail to protect the people who uphold it. You have been taught to be unfair, bias,and entitled. But now you’re starting see the shit that poor blacks and people groups to get see. We never brought the lies… Read more »
A woman can’t afford to take care of her children? Give her subsidies, grants and free cash for housing, college tuition and healthcare. A man can’t afford to take care of his children? Give him a prison cell, a cold slap in the face and lessons on manning up for women. If men were on average let off as easy as women under our “equal justice” system, most men sent to prison would never have been sent. There’s a difference between anger and being utterly repulsed by the hypocrisy and double standards against white men by women, minorities and the… Read more »
No Mike, most white men were not privileged but dirt poor but many of them still have the sexist, racist attitudes like their rich white counterpart. BTW, most of the poor people in this country are still white.
Good article, interesting negative responses. I suppose the author should now approach the responses with empathy, as his article suggests. I want to read that because I find it difficult to do sometimes.
I don’t think that was the point. We had a discussion once on whether a man should accept a woman’s offer to split the bill on a date. One of the more interesting responses from a woman was that she was just being polite and would feel that it was like being given a gift and having it taken away. She had no intention to pay the bill or expectation that she would be asked to. That’s a similar case here. IMO the OP is stating a bunch of things he feels he’s supposed to say to get the “pat… Read more »
Im curious. What’s so negative about the responses?
Interesting article Jonathan,
Elwood Watson Ph.D
Contributing author
Good Men Project
What do you think of the responses?
I get it. Angry white guy is exhausting and distinctly unsympathetic. There is much to hate about hatred, but that can only yield more of the same. If we can bring ourselves to recognize bigotry, gun culture, misogyny and white male rage as merely the outward symptoms of a very real fear, we can meet fear with empathy, compassion and even love. And this is why you’re having a hard time reaching angry white guys. You don’t question why they are angry you tell them why they are angry and when they try to correct you you ignore it and… Read more »
Sorry to say there are a lot of sheeple out there, many carrying a narrative that white men are angry. It must be true because the left said so. Interesting that when I pointed out how the Republicans voted for civil rights, that infamous sound of crickets. But the left said ….. There is a lot of hypocrisy one the left and to drive your point home John about “would you do to …,” Where was the left when the article was printed about the gay Trump supporter. If that white guy was simply “white” there would have been a… Read more »
“many carrying a narrative that white men are angry” Is that how you interpret the article? Because I see it as pointing to certain white men, not white men in general. Of course we’re not ALL angry. Maybe you’ve inferred something that isn’t there? “I pointed out Republicans voted for civil rights…crickets” Well, no, Jonathan Weaver indicated the effect of Southern Democrats opposing civil rights before quitting the party for that very reason, then joining the Republicans. If you heard crickets, perhaps a visit to the ENT doctor is in order? “there is a lot of hypocrisy on the left”… Read more »
Is that how you interpret the article? Because I see it as pointing to certain white men, not white men in general. Of course we’re not ALL angry. Maybe you’ve inferred something that isn’t there? The article doesn’t assert that all white men are angry. It asserts that the ones that are are angry because they have sexist/racist beliefs that are being challenged and they don’t like it. But to me, that’s not the majority of liberals, and certainly not our representatives, who tend to be more conservative than us. Maybe they don’t represent you and maybe they aren’t a… Read more »
” Angry white guy is exhausting and distinctly unsympathetic. There is much to hate about hatred, but that can only yield more of the same. If we can bring ourselves to recognize bigotry, gun culture, misogyny and white male rage as merely the outward symptoms of a very real fear, we can meet fear with empathy, compassion and even love.” This takes the cake as the most passive aggressive and condescending statement I’ve read in the GMP in quite a while. A wise man said- “seek first to understand before being understood.” As a white, conservative, relatively happy man, I… Read more »
@ Tom Brechlin I remember the fight over VAWA re-authorization. The democrats wanted to add LGBTQ and native Americans to the bill. I think it was Lindsay Graham who suggested that they just not specify any particular groups so it could just apply to everyone. The democrats said no. They held up VAWA and fought to exclude CIS, white, men from getting any assistance. This is the group who bills it’s as being empathic and just and victim’s advocates. Time after time, it’s simply anti men or anti white men. Is it just me. One thing I’ve never noticed when… Read more »
I’ve noticed that too. Time after time, each of these guys that pushes the privilege theory seems to come from a well off background. They all seem to have this idea that white guys all have the same luxuries they have likely enjoyed all of their lives. They don’t seem to get it. I don’t care about losing my “privilege.” I haven’t lost anything, mainly because I never had any privilege to lose. What I care about are skewed domestic violence laws that mean if I get beaten up and call the cops, I’ll get arrested before the woman, and… Read more »
@ Zemus, don’t expect to get a job at Sam’s club any time soon. I don’t know if ya’ll know about this which DID make me mad … “Sam’s Club, female CEO Rosalind Brewer complained in an appearance on CNN about recently meeting with a supplier whose sales team was comprised of all white males.(It should be noted that this is ONE sales and having worked in marketing and sales and having a variety of staff through the years, there is a good chance that the supplier has others staff which include people of color and gender. “Brewer said she… Read more »
It’s not just you John, I’ve noticed he same thing. And don’t get me started on VAWA which was maintained through many years of feminism. You know, the feminism that’s claimed to be working for men as well as women. Years of countless dollars provided through grants to subsidize programs to help women. Years of attempts to get the language changed so that men could benefit. And what do we have today? And let’s be clear, data was available in the 70’s that clearly showed male abuse and it was ignored, just as it’s ignored or at the very least… Read more »
Not just feeling Tom, justifiable anger at injustice. That’s not hatred from the left though at least that’s what we’re told.
Maybe you could show a link to your blog?
Given how liberalism dominates society, I’m not sure why you addressed the minority conservatives. You’d mentioned that you can speak on this because you’re a white man yet a lot of your focus is on the conservative right which you clearly are not anywhere near. You said “This is why right-wing talk radio works and attempts at liberal talk radio have failed miserably.” Not so, The top 10 radio shows break down: Conservative talk = 1st, 3rd, 8th, 9th Public news = 2nd, 4th, 6th Financial = 7th Adult contemporary = 5th (music) Morning Zoo = 10th (music) And a… Read more »
I misread a statement regarding talk radio.
Tom, thanks for the feedback. To say that race relations have worsened under the Obama administration while ignoring the role that conservative media have played in that perception is nearly as intellectually dishonest as your assertion about Democrats opposing Civil Rights — a statement that ignores the fact that the South was overwhelmingly democratic UNTIL the civil rights movement, when the GOP and its infamous Southern Strategy precipitated the marriage of the Republican Party and Southern social conservatism.
Context matters.
@ Jonathan. One needs to consistently listen to, watch and read so called “conservative” news talk to gain a full understanding. If you did, you’d know that a lot of media outlets are critical of the representation we have on the right and have coined the title for some of these representatives as “RINO.” I get annoyed (not angry) with the hypocrisy of the left where they have no problem criticizing me or others like me (white conservative males). Since November of this year, there have been over 15 GMP articles that slam Trump. Yet when an article is run… Read more »
Maybe the best tool is to listen. Too many self righteous people on the left feel that they have it all figured out. What me wrong? He feels he is disadvantaged through race and gender based affirmative action. He understands giving people who need it a hand up and agrees. So why not create non-gender, non-race based affirmative action? No one is arguing against income based scholarship money or class rank. White men are told to shut up this is not discrimination, but when men ask what are we going to do about the education gap between men and women… Read more »
Yeah, Mr. Anderson, and too many right wing people feel that they have it all figured out when they don’t.