Zat Baraka was saddened and horrified when he learned about Julien Blanc’s harassment of women and hopes other men learn to respect women.
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I have acted poorly towards women at points in my life. I have objectified women, making rude comments, especially when in groups of other men. This brings up shame as well as an understanding that this is what I was taught as “normal” and “funny”.
I have since matured and now deeply respect and honor women. I am not saying that I am perfect. In fact, I am still on the road of recovery to women’s reverence. But thankfully, I am committed to my own awareness. I can see the fine line when my admiration becomes blurred and objectifying. I’ve become skillful at noticing when I’m being unconscious in regards to relating to a woman. For example, I pay attention to how I include a woman in group conversations (especially if most of the group is men) and can feel the way in which she then feels embraced.
And as I have grown, I have also attracted men into my life that are committed to their own personal/spiritual growth. We support one another, letting the other know if we are falling into old masculine patterns.
I share this because I know that many men are on the path to healing their wounds and moving towards honoring women. And yet, we live in a world that still condones objectification or violence of women. Yes, we raise our arms up when an Indian man rapes a woman numerous times, as this is blatant violence. But, when it comes to subtle violations, we somehow turn a blind eye. For example, I was quite surprised by Adam Levine’s (of Maroon 5) video where he stalks a woman. There was some backlash, but for the most part, it was considered “ok”.
And just a few days ago, I came across a man named Julien Blanc. From what I have seen online, he is a dating coach that teaches men how to abuse and humiliate women. His teaching and coaching focuses on scoring women or “pulling” as he calls it. He unabashedly teaches men how to manipulate and control women into having sex, in one video he is seen pushing women’s faces into his crotch.
I am not against helping socially awkward men or men that need support on being more confident with women. What I am against is someone “winning” while another severely “loses”. I am wholeheartedly for teaching men that honoring women is not “unmasculine” but rather true healthy and mature masculinity.
Recently I heard on NPR that domestic violence against women has INCREASED in Los Angeles. It seems we are under a constant deluge of how women are abused and mistreated worldwide.
How is all of this still happening?
This is a longer conversation that must continue and accelerate. The Western mainstream media informs us in how we should think and behave in this world, for most it serves as a guideline for what is acceptable. Imagine if this platform was used to teach men to serve and honor women? Imagine if pop music icons or sports figures were focused more on empowering and honoring women and less on manipulating them or reducing them to bikini-clad groupies? Imagine if we spoke about the greatest tool for engaging with a woman is actually to look within and increase your masculine confidence and loving presence? Imagine sharing how having healthy and intimate consensual sex is way “cooler” than manipulating a women into having sex to add to one’s scorecard? This is a world I often find myself dreaming of. It feels so true to me. And respectful.
And I know that to create this, we need Men to Rise UP. We need men to realize that the path to confidence and fulfillment is NOT through control over others. We need men to acknowledge their shame and anger. We need men to look within and heal their mistrust of women and transform old conditioning. The conditioning that women are weaker, and that men have a right to take what they want in whatever way suits them. We need men to know that vulnerability is actually the most potent version of power.
So, on behalf of myself and many men, I offer an apology to women.
I am sorry for any abuse you have experienced at the hands of a man.
I am sorry for any objectification that made you feel less than.
I am sorry for any betrayals that have left your heart broken.
I am sorry for any manipulation that has caused you fear.
I am sorry that there are still so many women still suffering at the hands of men.
I love this universal Hawaiian prayer of forgiveness. It offers a simple yet profound and deep apology, not only to others, but toward ourselves as well. There is a place in all of that needs to be forgiven and one cannot ignore the healing power of forgiving others:
I am sorry.
Please forgive me.
Thank you.
I love you.
This is an open apology.
If there are men reading this who have more to say on this, please write in the comments below. This is how we make change in this patriarchal world.
This is how we heal the divide between men and women…. And in our own selves.
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For enquiries to work privately with Zat or his teaching schedule visit www.Zatbaraka.com
Some people never get an apology and I just want to thank you, so much! I am healing from a betrayal and reading this just made me cry :’). Forgiveness is an amazing thing! Thank you for being an aware person and strong enough man to voice your perspective!
Kathy,
I’m so glad you “got it”. Thanks so much for your comment..
This article reminds me of those churches where the reformed sinner comes to the front of the congregation to confess. Communists had a similar tradition called “rigorous self criticism” .
What about male victims of abuse?
What about them? How is this article doing something bad to men who are victims of abuse? When an article exclusively talks about men as victims of abuse and women as victims of abuse are not included in that, does that do female victims of abuse a disservice? You do realize that the author took a specific position based around a recent media story about a male that was teaching woman-hating right? If we can not address the abuse women face directly off a conversation about a man that was teaching emotional and physical abuse of women to other men,… Read more »
Zat, I commend you for acknowledging your own misgivings and taking action to change them. Being aware of ourselves and our actions is an excellent way to discover our true selves, and ultimately see others in a more empathic light. I do however disagree with your not so unintended premise that as men, we are all responsible for and therefore need to apologize for the actions of other men. And yes, I did see the thinly veiled qualifier “many men”, yet the blatant implication is there. Man is not a collective conscious, and in equating the actions of some, with… Read more »
Adam, Thanks for your very thoughtful comment. Yes, women do perpetrate abuses as well, but this apology is in response to the overwhelming gravity of abuses against women in our human history. I totally agree that we must empathize with all victims of violence, but this article an apology to women as this is a massively pressing issue of our times. My intention is not to shame men, I mention Julien Blanc because of his overt and disgusting display of violence against women in his video. Its so interesting that I’ve received so very many thankful responses from women and… Read more »
When are you going to apologize to male victims of violence?
When are you going to be honest in confront the issue of men like Julien Blanc who are able to create entire businesses out of women-hating – that other men are willing and happy to pay for. Which was the basis for this article. YOu do get that right? That the basis of this article came off dealing with a current news story about a man that was physically and emotionally abusing women in an attempt to have sex with them and teaching other men to do the same. When are you going to confront that Julian Blanc was literally… Read more »
“Imagine if this platform was used to teach men to serve and honor women?”
Serve women? Really? Not my job, man.
Completely agree, John Anderson.
This article is ridiculous.
The author apologizes for how he acted towards women. He clearly states that he objectified women, made rude comments, especially with other men. He acknowledges that his previous behavior is taught as what is “normal” and “funny”. He now honors and respects women better – not perfectly – but better. He is committed about his own awareness. He has attracted different men in his life has he has grown as an individual. He agrees we live in a world that condones objectification and violence of women. He brings up a man by the name of Julien Blanc that teaches other… Read more »
Women are not the only ones who matter. Why don’t you listen to how men feel?
Why shouldn’t men care about the abuse they experience? Everything should not be about women. How about listening to how men feel instead of dismissing their concerns about their own issues being ignored?
It is like you didn’t even read what I wrote. Or if you did, you completely filtered it out Who said that women are the only ones that matter? How does an article addressing the things women deal with take anything away from men? How does this article spread the message that only women matter? You said this article is ridiculous. How so? I am truly looking to understand how you are getting these messages. I need you to help me out here and answer my questions. Dean – I have similar questions for you. Who said that men shouldn’t… Read more »
@ Erin “Wake. The. Bleep. Up. Recognize that men like Zat and Eric are actually making headway in fixing some of the brokeness that exists between men and women. And that when the things that concern women are dismissed or the only thing other men can come back with is, is basically, “this isn’t my problem”, that you are damaging those efforts.” Funny, you hear it’s not my problem. I hear it’s not my FAULT. Zat actually does a lot more damage to the relationship between men and women when he decides to BLAME one group. “Patriarchy hurts everyone” ends… Read more »
@ James Gianuz It definitely is worse than that. “We need men to acknowledge their shame and anger. We need men to look within and heal their mistrust of women” How many people would say it was women’s duty to “woman up” and heal their mistrust of men? How many would suggest that it was men’s duty to prove they were trustworthy? It’s funny how GMP runs articles denouncing this idea of “manning up” and then runs articles were the sole solution is for men to “man up”. It’s funny how men should be allowed to feel every emotion except… Read more »
Absolutely. You explain things brilliantly!
I was fascinated to see that some men defended Julien here or even tried to blame women for being responsible for falling prey to these kinds of manipulations. Men who manipulate, coerce, and/or force women in order to find sexual intimacy are clearly confused and misguided cowards who have no idea what it means to be a man. Their own lack of self-respect and its manifest misogyny are pernicious problems in this world. Zat’s courageous apology should be applauded for it is necessary that men stand up and protect their mothers, sisters, daughters, grandmothers, spouses and friends from the dangerous… Read more »
I’m so grateful for your voice Zat. Truly. And for the courage to speak when even on a blog such as this the lens is so thick – the conditioning so strong. In gratitude and respect – Lindsay
You are responsible for your own actions. Period. If you really want to do something tangible, why not find Blanc when he is harassing someone and step in? Deeds, not words.
Wes,
Writing this article is a deed, I do deeds everyday by helping men that have anger, I work everyday to coach men that are in pain and suffering at the ways in which they have acted.
Thanks for the reminder for deeds.
You obviously don’t give a damn about abused men, only abused women. There are plenty of violent women in the world, but people like you spread lies and pretend that men are the only problem.
Nobody is claiming that the issue of abused men isn’t important. Bringing that up here is off topic.
Abusing women is becoming some sort of trend that is going haywire and that’s what this article is about.
Besides, when it comes to physical abuse and degradation around the world…the abuse of men and the abuse of women is not remotely comparable, considering the FACT that women are still very much at a disadvantage.
It is not off topic. Just because women experience abuse more does not mean that abused men do not count and do not matter and that we should ignore abused men. I think that is a topic very much worth discussing.
This is silly. Even though i do not agree with Juliens methods, they do work and there is not a single woman in his videos, that tells him to stop or looks unhappy about his treatment. If women want this to stop, they should educate women to a point, where his “manipulations” don’t work, instead of treating women like the weaker gender, that needs to be protected by men from men.
Are you kidding dude! I just google the scum bags name, and Jen am gown pushing girls up,against walls, with his hand on their throat! ZAT is bold and spot on for exposing this creepy dude, who may well caue, and creat violence/ rape against women,,
Anton… I know this is an open forum to share our opinions and leave comments, and I am completely offended by your statements. You have taken the actions of this man which are completely disrespectful and outright abusive and turned it around to this being a woman’s responsibility?? This is why the patriarchal system has such a stronghold. It is not looking at the deeper roots of the issue. It just points the fingers at the surface level. Number one… It is NOT ok to manipulate anyone. And if someone is acting from that place, it is his/her responsibility to… Read more »
Male bashing nonsense. You do not have to apologize on behalf of all men. Apologize because you are a jackass. Other men are not.
James, Forgiveness is key in being a healthy human being. Forgiveness for yourself for the things you have done that may have hurt others. Do you feel bashed as a man by this article? If so, then perhaps you may have some unresolved shame or guilt? When someone is not willing to look at their own shame, I can understand why they may feel bashed. When a man is courageous enough to look at the ways he may have acted inappropriately, he gives permission to other men to face their demons. I have worked with many men that have been… Read more »
What about abused men? Are you going to apologize to them?
What if a man has not acted inappropriately, but the woman has? Why should the man apologize?
I think you missed the point, and as a woman I can say that if the woman is the one who acted inappropriately, she should apologize- but here’s the thing Men abusing and disrespecting Women is the bigger issue here because it happens more often and it seems that women having a voice is still a new concept for some reason
Just because women being abused is a bigger issues does not and should not mean all men have to apologize for everything.
@ Zat Baraka
“Do you feel bashed as a man by this article? If so, then perhaps you may have some unresolved shame or guilt?”
Or he might be innocent. One or the other. When I’ve done something wrong, I’ve been man enough to apologize. The fact I’m not apologizing should tell you something.
Exactly!
You are apologising for something you did not even do. Nice. In addition to that, you are asking that many men and myself to acknowledge and buy the blanket apology and tag along for something said men didn’t even do. While you were objectifying women I was most likely out riding my bike – not even thinking about women. While other men were out involving themselves in domestic abuse, I was out surfing. When did it become automatic that every man is guilty and evil and flawed by nature?
Topper, please go back and read the very first paragraph. Zat shares his previous history with women.
I think you need to go back and read the very first paragraph again.
Thank you Zat for this article and apology. Be Blessed.
Shenee’
You are most welcome.
Why should people listen to someone who thinks women are superior to men?
That’s not it- this post ISN’T about superiority, this is about women deserving RESPECT! and they do, without a mother YOU wouldn’t exist, so check yourself before you comment, be that you love your mother or not or if you know your biological mother or not- she gave birth to you, she’s your reason for being here.
Just because women deserve respect does not mean men are always wrong and do not deserve respect themselves. My biological mother abandoned me. My father raised me himself. I give him far more credit than my mother.
Thank you. Wholeheartedly, thank you. Not just for your apology, but for your insight and drive to improve situations for all of us, men and women alike. I truly hope that this article reaches those who need it and will pay attention to what you have said.
Thank you for restoring a little hope!
Hi Zat- Apology accepted, thank you.
And if you’re looking for some light reading on the subject there is a great article on The Onion called ‘Street Harasser haunted by the woman that got away with her dignity intact’. I know it’s not a laughing matter but sometimes the absurdity of it all needs to be pointed out and laughed at.
Goodnight.
Check out the video “Princess Leia harassed by Yoda, Storm Troopers, Luke Skywalker, etc…..”