Why do some men report that even the attempt to be a good husband is a soul-crushing experience?
There is a conversation that started with some guys in The Good Men Project—in person, by phone, via email—where men were asked to talk deeply and honestly about their marriage. What came out was startling: there is despair in the voices of married men. The refrain heard over and over is some variation of “I want to have a good marriage. I love my wife. But sometimes, all I feel is resentment—from my wife, toward my wife, toward the marriage. I believe my wife thinks I am an asshole, and she treats me as such.”
My first thought was: If an alien came to earth and read this, it would think marriages are a form of torture chambers. My second thought? Wives should know about this. I don’t think they do.
These guys seem to feel that a marital relationship comes down to more than compromise. Some go as far as to say it’s a form of humiliation—“a bitter pill that I have to trust will be worth it.” Often a man will admit that a central issue in their lives is dealing with the irrational-seeming criticism from their wives in a way that isn’t defensive but shows compassion and love, despite the cost to their souls.
There is an obvious breakdown of communication in the marriages where men feel resentful and women are oblivious to that resentment. But the saddest thing, to me, is that the breakdown is destined to continue; many men agreed to be quoted only if they could do so anonymously. They can’t talk openly about their marriages without fear of reprisal. The last thing they want is for their wives to find out.
Not every marriage is doomed, of course, and even where guys talk openly about the problems, there is a ton of love and joy that makes up for it. But others have lost hope that there is a way to solve the problem. Because, as men readily admit, maybe they are assholes, sometimes. We are all human; we are all flawed. Women are equally imperfect. But almost always, the men we talked to start with an intention of trying to understand their wives, get a grasp on what would make the marriage work, and have an intense desire to move toward an increasingly great relationship, instead of one where they feel continually disconnected. And yet, they can’t seem to get there. Despair is the end result of ongoing frustration and disconnection.
Here are some of the responses we received:
- “There’s an easy way and a hard way to communicate with my wife. The easy way is to admit she is right, immediately, no matter what. The hard way is to fight now and admit she is right down the line when you run out of steam.”
- “Women are constantly trying to control their husbands. If a man dares to critique his wife, she immediately goes on the attack, screaming and crying with the express intent of teaching, so that no good man would ever do it again. Most men learn the lesson well and early and learn to ‘seethe in silence.’ The resentment continues to grow. Men feel defenseless against this kind of attack and don’t know how to have any equality.” (John Wilder, marriage coach)
- “Most every problematic marriage I’ve seen has one theme in common. The woman is so busy trying to force the man to attend to her agenda that she doesn’t appreciate, or even notice, all of the things he does for her.”
The reason marriages fall apart is that we don’t communicate. The reason we don’t communicate is fear of reprisal. Obviously, these discussions should be going on, but they do not appear to be, and many men are at a loss for a way into the conversation.
♦◊♦
Communicating is hard when you are always trying to duck and cover.
Difficult discussions are a given in any relationship. But this is different. The men we talked to appear unwilling or unable to displace their animosity and bitterness. Many want to hide behind the cloak of anonymity. The consensus is that the only way to protect the marriage is to not talk about it.
He says: “My suggestion: duck and take cover in an undisclosed location. I do have hope. I have watched my brother-in-law deal with my older sister in a very cunning way. He just ignores her, walks away, and goes to get a beer or smoke a cigar. I guess he is a man beaten down to a slow retreat each time the shit hits the fan. Calling them on the carpet doesn’t work. Countless times, I’ve asked my wife, ‘What’s up? Why so many orders, I am not your personal slave!’ She fires back, ‘I am not giving orders, only making suggestions.’”
She says: “I tried very hard to be the ‘good wife’ when the marriage was young. I think, however, that we women in general expect too much of men—we expect you to be our ‘soul mate’ and the source of all our happiness. Our white knight in shining armor. Whatever. Then reality hits. There is no way any man can live up to what were fed in romance novels and RomComs. So no matter what, you look like an asshole. We can’t handle the disappointment and are too brainwashed to admit that our expectations are just too high. So we lash out.”
♦◊♦
Explaining the forces at work: a list and some details.
A quick, non-scientific survey of self-appointed experts in the perception of husbands as assholes, despite a lack of evidence, turned up a list of potential causes of this phenomenon:
- “Marriage is hard work. There is no disparity here. Wives feel that husbands order them around. ”
- “Some kind of Freudian thing that women generally resent their fathers and take it out on their husbands.”
- “It’s just a hormonal thing.”
- “Men see the locus of control inside themselves, so when shit goes wrong, they try to fix it, where women more often see it externally, so they blame others.”
- “It’s about sex. They want to make you earn it.”
- “The beauty-maintenance-insanity correlation. If you want a beautiful wife, you are going to pay the price since they have other options, always, and will make you aware of that fact implicitly.”
- “Guys really are thoughtless assholes. We need a woman to slap us upside of our face to get us to do pretty much anything.”
- “Golf. Too much golf is the source of all problems.”
- “Every guy secretly wants to marry a stripper, and your wife is just letting you know if you do, it’s really, really going to be painful.”
Women and men both were quick to jump in with some of the details.
She says: “Look, maybe we don’t ‘nag you constantly’ at all. Maybe we’re just flapping our lips and you’re projecting. Think about how much time we spend on the phone versus how much time you spend on it. Consider that we can talk to our sister/best friend/cousin five days in a row and never run out of things to talk about. We need to discuss and dissect our mother’s insensitivity, our job’s unrelenting pressures, and the nasty look the cashier gave us when we tried to use an expired coupon at Bed, Bath & Beyond. Most of the time we’re not saying, ‘You are such a jerk for leaving your socks on the floor!’ but ‘Oh my god would you look at the socks all over the floor!’ We’re giving a play-by-play of the minutia that is our lives (because that’s what we do), and you’re getting defensive because, well, you know you’re a slob, so you assume our ire is your fault. Sometimes it is, but just as often it’s not. (Tip: When we’re on a rant, the very-best way to diffuse it is some variation of ‘You sure do a lot around here and I am one lucky son-of-a-bitch.’ You should try it!).”
He says: “This ‘male’ training goes back to the built-in insecurity of wives fearing their husbands will abandon them and stop providing and protecting them, and hence to need to keep them on a short leash. I still like being a guy better. Remember—it’s easier dealing with a difficult woman than living as a difficult, demanding woman 24/7. That’s why many women don’t like other women, too. We guys are simple and lower-maintenance on average. We just want women to be in a good mood, give us some positive reinforcement, do fun things with us (such as sex), look good (but not over-the-top perfect), give us some space, allow us our food and sleep, and clear out some other hassles and roadblocks in life. That about covers it. What do women want? Everything. Without having to spell it out first—but then get mad afterward if he doesn’t do it. Because after all, ‘if he really cared about me, then he would have [fill in the blank].’”
She says: “As a woman, we suffer from a behavior which I have named ‘I’m not happy and it is all your fault.’ We have learned that unless we are in “control” of our spouse’s thoughts and behavior (‘don’t fold the towels that way, why did you say that and not this’), then there must be something wrong with our spouse and the relationship. There is a line from the movie As Good As it Gets that illustrates this perfectly. Jack Nicholson’s character is asked how he writes so successfully about women. He states, ‘I think of a man, and I take away reason and accountability.’”
♦◊♦
One of the scariest things about these conversations, and the reason it’s important to get them out in the open, is that not only does resentment beget resentment, but it starts that dangerous spillover where men and women start to make vast generalizations about each other, based on what they see as repetitive behavior in the one relationship they would like to believe is unique. As some men told us:
- “Men want to be good husbands but they honestly don’t know how. And the women they truly adore pound them as a result. Rather than talking it through, they ultimately get to the point where they give up on dialogue and just take the punishment as part of what they have to endure. And what’s interesting is how that enduring punishment comes out sideways over time in terms of men’s true view of women.”
- “We don’t have the verbal endurance to match the detail of women’s reasoning, and we cave. Even though they’ve missed the point entirely. Part of the problem is the support they get from their friends. Without that extra inspiration and misplaced confidence they might actually check with us to see if they’re on the right track. Naaaah.”
- “It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy. Somewhere along the line, the sewing circle (or whatever the XX version of the boys club is) started telling each other what they would and would not accept from their husbands, sometimes not letting the truth get in the way of a good story. The Elk Lodge, on the other hand, felt like they had to one-up each other with sometimes-apocryphal tales of henpeck-ery. As time marched on, men felt like they didn’t have it too bad at home, women felt like they didn’t have it quite good enough, and an entirely fictional middle ground was met.”
♦◊♦
What if a contract really was a contract?
Perhaps, then, a new framework is needed.
I remember working in advertising with a creative superstar, one who yelled and screamed at vendors, photographers, directors, and colleagues in an effort to get them to buy into his creative vision. One day I was sitting in his office, cowering, and he turned to me and said,
“Hey, you know, I’m not really an asshole when I leave the office. I go home, kick off my shoes, pat my dog, and invite my girlfriend over for a bottle of wine. My assholeness at the office is all a performance. I just need to get shit done.”
And yet, when you look at what guys are saying about their marriages, the reverse is often true. In the office, they are treated with respect and courtesy. They’re listened to, and negotiations happen aboveboard and frankly. But when they get home, all hell breaks loose, the rulebook is nowhere in sight. There’s, at best, a sense of anarchy and, at worst, a feeling of slavery.
Here’s what some men said:
- “It’s funny how I can go from the office where people seem to respect me—my intelligence, my work ethic, my abilities—to a house where I am more or less treated like a lackey,”
- “Where men handle their power in the workplace, there is a disconnect with the rules of engagement at home. Men enter into romantic relationships with no concept of the extremely ‘contractual’ nature of all human interaction. The contractual aspects of being at work are apparent and, even if you missed some of the fine points of your offices etiquette standards, enforced by everyone. No one likes to see someone break the rules of behavior in an office. Whenever someone yells, they’re reprimanded and ignored until they can ‘act like adults.’ If someone is condescending, they get called on it, are made to prove the correctness of their position, or labeled an arrogant creep. Threaten to ‘walk out,’ and you get fired. Make a claim you can’t prove against another employee, and you may get a lawsuit along with your pink slip. Even bosses must bend to the structure the company has decreed. Try to break these contractual points, and you are let go. If you are continually exposed to those ‘breaches,’ you will instinctively leave and seek a better job.”
- “Compare that to the home life scenario. Men are exceedingly flustered by the treatment they receive by their wives. But even though we have plenty of anecdotal evidence to indicate they could have called their spouses on it at any time, they don’t. They hide, they “Yes Dear” to things they know are unreasonable, insulting or unfounded and they just take it.”
- “Married men treat their wives differently than they do other women. In a well-meaning but unhealthy way, they don’t hold them accountable for their behavior, thinking that they’re doing everything they can to please their wives. Unfortunately, the lack of confrontation fuels the woman’s view that she can do whatever she wishes without encountering any resistance or blowback from her husband. Over time, he does what he can to keep the peace, while she continues to grow ever more demanding, testing his limits. You’d never see a guy do that in his workplace, but he does it at home. Half because he thinks he’s making her happy and half because he thinks he’s doing what he can to keep his home harmonious. Neither works.”
Perhaps, then, the answer lies with both parties—men and women—seeing marriage as the contractual relationship it really is, to explicitly honor the vows to “love and cherish.” No matter how hard it is. To look at those words as action words, not feelings. It’s impossible to commit to “feeling” the same way forever. But it’s not impossible to “act in love” with the person you cherish, until death do you part. You only need to believe that it is possible. And, for the record, I’ve never been to a wedding yet, where one says, “I vow to be an asshole and to let you treat me like one for all the days of my life.”
Out loud
It still bothers me that there’s no real dialogue around this issue. Men feel resentment, women appear oblivious, and conversation around the topic seems nil. Men and women both hope that their spouse will suddenly turn into the magic mind-reader, someone who will wake up and “get” the anger and disconnection that they are feeling. But if we can’t start the conversation husband by husband, wife by wife, then let’s start it together and get some of these issues out in the open.
As one guy mentioned, “I was having lunch with a friend who is about as happily married as any guy I know, to the same women for the last 25 years, and was telling him about this article. He just started laughing out loud and commented, ‘every guy I know can relate to that one.’”
♦◊♦
Poor, Poor, Pitiful Men: The Martyr Complex of the American Husband, Hugo Schwyzer
Being the Man Does Not Automatically Make Everything Your Fault, Jackie Summers
♦◊♦
—Photo klaaspieter/Flickr
Warning, gentlemen – buy into this line of thinking and you’ll be headed for divorce court. If you think she’s nagging you now, it’s only because you didn’t step up when she was still in love with you and you didn’t show her the respect she typically gets from everyone else in her life. You can’t claim trod-upon victim now – you had your chance. Lemme guess – you can’t understand why she doesn’t talk to you for two days after you tell her to “quit being so sensitive…”
This is an incredibly biased article. Look, I know when a guy meets a gal he really likes, he wants to do everything he can to impress her. That’s great. Us ladies do it too, we put on our A-Game. But all too often men don’t just amp up their good qualities and downplay the not-so-good ones; What I’ve found to be the case is They Outright Lie. My complaint with my husband, and many complaints I hear from many other women, if not most, is that after marriage I learned things that were previously withheld from me intentionally. Things… Read more »
Hey Rebecca. I think it’s valuable for men to hear what other men experience, even if it’s from a one-sided perspective. It was valuable for me, I don’t have any close friends besides my wife. 🙂 I read what you wrote and it makes me sad to hear what you’re going through. I’ve been typing this for about an hour trying to think of something I can say to help you. I thought I’d at least share a personal story and some things that I’ve done that have helped. I have been selfish in the past. It wasn’t a huge… Read more »
My wife can’t be happy unless she is digging at me. I can never do anything good enough or fast enough for her. Can a person love to hate another person? What the hell is her problem? She hardly had to work.. And I’m the lazy duff that made us rich and I’m still not good enough? Hell just put a fucking bullet in my head and get this shit over with already.
Husbands aren’t assholes until they become husbands. It’s that old joke “why does the bride smile so much at her wedding? Cause she knows she’s given her last blowjob.”……the ring makes him an instant asshole eliminating all blowjob possibilities forever.
FOR ALL YOU YOUNG MEN…..DON’T DO IT. MARRIAGE IS BULLSHIT.
For some reason, as our relationship progressed, my husband saw fit to begin speaking to me in a condescending manner, second guessing how I do things and insisting I do things his way (like not using foil for certain purposes, not spending time on the internet for anything except what he deemed “important,” dropping anything I was doing to look at the cat or read some article at that very moment just because), or otherwise treating me like a child through incessant lecturing if I for instance forget to do something. Sh* like that. When I push back and ask… Read more »
I would image because your lack of intelligence and common sense when dealing with everyday situations began to annoy him. Then he realized he married an idiot and it wasn’t going to change.
I think this person that’s telłing this woman that it’s her lack of intelligence is called an asshole because of the way he has written his reply??
Looks like this website is tailor made for you, you insensitive clod. Guess who is the unintelligent one. Oh, sorry, did I just make you spill malt liquor on your wifebeater?
I feel your pain. He got in the car looking for a fight. He didn’t need to ask you why you didn’t bring the other bag – if you’re both in a hurry, the answer is obvious. He just wanted to force you to say it so he could find himself an opportunity to bitch at you. If he cared so much about that inside trash getting taken out, he would have put it in in with the rest of the garbage beforehand, the garbage he was taking to the curb. It was his own laziness / absent-mindedness which resulted… Read more »
Great article, Lisa! (as always 🙂 ) And a discussion of the utmost importance. Really something people should be openly talking more and more. Personally, I think “Lack of clear communication” and “Women’s too high expectations” are the topmost source of relationship’s trouble. My actual girlfriend is so sweet and accepting and grateful for everything I do/give her; I feel I’m a “gift” for her (just like she is for me). In comparison, I can see how much my previous partners were so demanding and critical, and thus how much the relationship became sour because of that. But we weren’t… Read more »
She’s trying to hook you dude….Tell us how your relationship is doing now 4 years later. I assume you married this wonderful woman.
Yes. Husbands are really assholes. They only make you the center of their universe when courting but after 6 months of marriage they treat you like crap. You can talk and talk but they don’t listen. They only care about themselves.
Nice bit of misandry in the morning, and wives lie about their sex drive so after the wedding cake is cut they stop having sex with their husbands right? ZOMG the wives are bitches!11!1. Or you know…men n women are individuals, some are assholes, some are bitches, so please don’t generalize about a gender as it’s pretty fucking insulting.
Ya, I’d prolly be an asshole too if my wife packed on more weight than me, stopped banging me, and placed me last on her list of priorities. Luckily I got divorced when I was a broke 23 year old fresh out of the marines. Funny how that fat, lard-ass of a cow wants to chug my dick down now that I own a lamborghini, but I learned my lesson…..so now I only let my 25 yr old secretary and college interns slurp down the greatness. Fuck marriage, if any young man is reading this, focus on imporving yourself evey… Read more »
When women get angry about “little” things and “fly off the handle” we need to listen carefully to what they are saying. When we shut down we have no opportunity to hear whats really going on. My wife laid into me big time because I had failed to put some things in the basement back in their proper places, thus making it impossible for her to find something she needed for a project. The project was getting some stuff together for a painter who was coming the next day, so it was not time critical. What would be to me… Read more »
There is a very important difference between “resignation” and “acceptance.” I think that’s one of the keys to having a good relationship based on some degree of compromise, because ultimately it may be more important how you feel about the compromise than whether the compromise worked objectively. Feeling resigned to something, or just giving in, is not really the same as accepting. For years, when I ducked my head and acted accommodating, I thought I was just “accepting reality,” but that’s not really what I was doing. The difference is in how the result makes you feel. Resignation usually carries… Read more »
I really honestly believe that above just men and women issues that there is a societal issue (at least in the US) where compromise is a largely untaught skill. We are taught regardless of gender to go for the kill and go for the win. If we don’t win we lose, period. There’s no such thing as win/win. And there certainly is no such thing as agree to disagree or a civil disagreement. Because, after all, the goal is to drag you to my point of view. There can’t possibly be a middle ground can there? Women and men are… Read more »
I think you have a very good point. We don’t get a whole lot of behavioral models showing us how to negotiate effectively. Instead, we’re taught a lot of the “one-up/one-down” way of looking at our relationships. You’re either the dog or the fire hydrant. Even people like legislators, who have compromise and discussion as key part of their job description, don’t show us a lot of good communication skills. Meanwhile, we are encouraged to wallow in our own pain louder than the other people wallowing in theirs, in a sort of race to gain the most attention based on… Read more »
@Wellokaythen:
I think you raise some very good points with “resignation” and “acceptance.”
I don’t think that any kind of “resignation” generally earns any favours to you.
But also that compromise requires true, unbiased communication on both parts.
If you find your partner more often than not is resigning instead of accepting in a discussion, maybe it’s time to also ask *yourself* in what order you are really taking your partner’s opinion into consideration?
I think that resignation often is a clear sign of someone feeling that their opinons isn’t being listened to.
“If you find your partner more often than not is resigning instead of accepting in a discussion, maybe it’s time to also ask *yourself* in what order you are really taking your partner’s opinion into consideration?”
Wait, are you suggesting that wives may not be good listeners!? Why do you hate women so much? ; – )
This is a great start to a conversation that really needs to take place about how spouses communicate with each other. Unexamined assumptions can take on lives of their own. The biggest one is assuming that your partner sees the world the same way you do, or sees the relationship the same way you do. It’s amazing, and surprises a lot of spouses out there, that two people who are so intimately connected on so many aspects of their lives can have totally different perspectives on the same relationship, and that this disconnect can go on for decades. Huge things… Read more »
What sort of therapy helped you rebuild a marriage? What worked?
interesting
I was at a party last week and upon learning that I was divorced an asshole asked me, “Do you still have his balls?” As long as this is the view of marriage we might as well abolish it all together.
I get confused on this topic about the fact that women marry these men who are allegedly assholes. Presumably the men didn’t get married, wake up the next morning and take on all these behavioral traits that are a problem. Really when either gender complains about their married I almost always pose the question of so you’re telling me all of a sudden you’re married and they changed from that person you used to constantly fawn over on facebook? Personally I would give anything to find a guy who wanted to have his own hobbies that didn’t have to involve… Read more »
Leave me to do my car audio, woodwork, tinkering in the shed. 😛 I see my friend who has a gf and this particular woman gets shitty if he does too much of his hobby, if he spends both days on a weekend doing it he gets in trouble, or does it one day 5 weekends in a row. They see each other every day though but still she gets annoyed. She hasn’t got many friends of her own and he’s felt a bit restricted from it. People need their own friends and hobbies. I can’t stand having my time… Read more »
Every time I hear one of my female friends talk about what an a-hole their significant other is it comes down to that she is not the center of his universe (excepting the handful of abusive relationships where it’s a different story). But it always comes down to “he should just know” and then the complete lack of communication and lack of the reality that she’s not the center of the universe. I had an ex who would go hunting once a year for an extended weekend. I looked forward to that weekend almost as much as he did. He… Read more »
High 5!
Another High 5!
I couldn’t agree with this more. Women are taught from infancy that their only goal in life is to find and marry Prince Charming. That’s it. End of story. If you fail to make a good marriage, you have failed as a woman. No fairy tail or romcom continues on past the wedding. On top of that, Prince Charming is supposed to be all things to us, our soul mate, our best friend, our counselor, our protector, our provider and 101 other things. That’s why so many women give up their friends after marriage, because they shouldn’t need them any… Read more »
Kat I feel the same. I have sacrificed hobbies and friends for men who asked me to make them more of a priority. Those same men would later on try to leave me at home, friendless and hobbyless, while they went out and did their thing. Hey, I really like doing my thing. I have my friends, I have my hobbies, and I like my space and my freedom to spend my time the way I please. So now if a guy asks me to give up my things, I tell him take a hike. I’m not going to be… Read more »
“Men want to be good husbands but they don’t know how…” So true….things that are obvious to me are infuriatingly outta sight/outta mind for my husband… My husband has attended one spouse support group (organized by my doctor’s office), where 5 -6 guys sit around bagels and coffee and spill all their stuff….nothing is off limits…I don’t know everything they say in those sessions but it has helped our marriage tremendously in diffusing my anger and informing my husband in a nice way how to deal with the situation…. I guess my husband couldn’t learn this stuff from just watching… Read more »
Does fear of some reprisal from wives, even ex-wives, keep men from speaking openly about their marriages? http://bit.ly/QJFna8
My husband would be the first to admit he can act like an asshole, but it just came out yesterday that he has felt he never deserved me and that is why he has screwed up on a regular basis. He loves me passionately, I love him passionately, but I have had a hard time understanding his behavior and motivations. I am very straightforward and rational, perhaps more like a lot of men, and my husband is the dreamy-eyed, romantic type. If we argue, he gets very emotional and I walk away. I think if men are married to women… Read more »
Fear makes a lot of people do counterproductive things. And often the counterproductive choice seems like the most logical thing to do…
Someone said that “Love is the delusion that one person differs from any other” or something like that.
So of course husbands are assholes. Why should they differ from other people…
You need to break someone’s password because you do not trust?
We are here for you!!Will do all the work, you just have to say.
I am waiting to help you!!
[email protected]
Did this get reposted?
Wow, some of these comments are brutal, but then my comment is probably about to be brutal anyway – if you’re not happy or can make such awful comments about your spouse when they aren’t looking, you really should just go get a divorce. My husband and I have had some great fights – and we have our issues. I mean, it’s a marriage – you have to WORK at it. That includes both sides. He is an asshole SOMETIMES and I fully admit I’m a total nagging bitch SOMETIMES. But then we get over it and MOVE ON –… Read more »
Well, I for one think you nailed it, Anastasia.
Just that there’s not much reason talkin’ as long as there’s noone listenin’.
To the author:
It still bothers me that there’s no real dialogue around this issue.
Yeah, well, that’s where the “reason and accountability” part in the Jack Nicholson quote comes in.
I think it’s very difficult to have an evolving dialogue around an issue with someone who’ll say just any first thing that pops up in the head to get you off the case, and then later on deny any recollection of ever having made such a statement….
The problem is that the phrase says it is a woman thing. Do you even know what not having reason means? That would mean women are not even humans, but just animals with no reason, not rationality. That is what non-human animals are. Dehumanizing at it’s best, and also something most men believe is okay to say about and to women.
First, the claim that non-human animals cannot be rational is absurd. The science of game theory–literally the study of rationality–has been hugely successful in understanding the dynamics of animals, because non-rational species tend to go extinct rather quickly. Second, based on my experience as a man having spoken with many other men over the years, “most men” are not as “okay” with making such baseless and insulting generalizations about an entire gender as you appear to be. I get the impression that you are profoundly unhappy in your marriage and your hateful sexist bigotry is a byproduct of this unhappiness.… Read more »
To the idiot who thought that feminism didn’t make women happy in the home in the last few years and it should go back to the man dominating everything, that is called dictatorship and was the time of women living in shame about domestic abuse. There is something wrong with wanting that back. If women are the overpowering one, they are perceived of as nagging shrieking creatures. I find that men see things too black and white. One or the other must be dominant and of course they usually think it should be the man because society dictates that it… Read more »
I have been living for 15 years with a husband who keeps everything a secret. I do not have access to any of his emails, bank accounts, family phone numbers and etc. He is very demanding and does not let me having any relationship with my friends and family. I am not even allowed to talk on the phone with my mom on his presence. I have a job and since I am good looking, I have had many of my male colleagues be extra friendly with me but I have always been loyal to him. There has been many… Read more »
You can be happy– leave your husband.
People say, that keeping chidren away from an ex- partner is using the Child/ren as a Bargaining chip, But a child/ren is not a bargaining chip. When both parent/s dont both agree with allowing both ex-partners to have access to those child/ren. But child/ren can be used as the possessions of the parent.. For the parent to use through unsupervised access visit/s. To make a person/s the parent knows happy. with the parent allowing the person/s the parent knows- to spend time with the child/ren during the parent’s unsupervised access visits..When unsupervised access, is about bonding time between the parent… Read more »
I visit each day some sites and blogs to read articles, except this
weblog offers feature based writing.