Where does prejudice end and personal insight begin? Sarah Fader breaks down the microaggression (with a side of wings).
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This is a response to a previously featured article “The Man, the Examined Life, and My Own Heterocentricity.”
Jeremy McKeen writes about his own hetero-centricity and his willingness to escape it. As a white, male, married vegetarian he defies certain male stereotypes. He’s certainly not the chest pounding gym rat who pounds down beers with his buddies while watching football on Monday nights…or is he? I don’t actually know; it would be unfair for me to make assumptions about his lifestyle or habits without explicitly asking him. And that’s the point, isn’t it? We all judge one another as human beings. It’s our nature as people to look another person over and deduce what their life must be life.
I do it too. Here is what Jeremy said about his Hooters experience:
I’ve been to Hooters twice, and both times happened to be with a group of close friends (the lesbians) and my wife, all while I was still a vegetarian.
…Suffice to say it was awful and uncomfortable, like a married vegetarian going to Hooters with his wife and a table full of lesbians.
…It’s not that I couldn’t have fun or relax that night—who am I kidding? I couldn’t have fun or relax. I couldn’t escape my hetero-centricity. Or my vegetarianism (has the world really not figured out solid vegetarian options for every restaurant by this point?).
Don’t like ads? Become a supporter and enjoy The Good Men Project ad freeIt was just awkward, as progressive and liberal and judgement-free as we are, there are some things that just—for good reason—make you awkward.
Yes, women walk around all the time in form-fitting clothes.
Yes, we see them. But we’re not always paying them to lean over to pour beer into frosty mugs. Sometimes we pay bartenders to do that.
At my core—brain, gut, chemicals—I’m not just a heterocentric lump or simply predisposed to a flurry of thoughts and characteristics found in every culture since the first men created the first club without wives.
I am—you are too of course—so much more than the sum of our predispositions.
But, if those predispositions are there, we must learn how to use them and react to them outside of a dominant historical narrative, while still maintaining that our point of view is the only one we can reason ourselves into.
In 2005, I walked into Hooters with my boyfriend in the south. I was always curious about the place. I’d never been there because I live in New York City and I’m a feminist. I don’t find the need to go to an establishment that objectifies women’s bodies so outwardly. The premise of this restaurant chain is that people are “entertained” by the assortment and shape of other women’s breasts while they eat burgers and fries.
When we entered the restaurant I was told “the burgers are really good.” The burgers were the last thing on my mind, truth be told. What was on my mind was all the beautiful women who surrounded me. I identify as a female who is primarily attracted to men, though I have kissed women before. I have never dated one. I do appreciate feminine beauty and there was plenty of that to go around in this restaurant.
The waitresses at Hooters were hourglass figured. There were blondes as well as brunettes. I didn’t see a redheaded woman, but I’m sure they were equally represented at another chain.
What I was stunned by was my involuntary fascination with these women. I wanted to know everything about them. I oogled their bodies, I noticed their perfectly applied makeup and their form-fitting uniforms.
And then I hated myself. I was contributing to the societal trend of the objectification of women. Simply by being in that establishment and patronizing it (though I was treated to the meal) I was passively acquiescing to the sexualization of women in our society.
I judged them based on their appearance, because society told me to.
I looked them up and down and made assessments about their lives, because rape culture said I should.
But the reality was that they are beautiful because I believe that all women are unique and beautiful. We are amazing and we all have something to offer this world. But I do not have right to judge another woman’s appearance or life. I do not know her on a personal level and I cannot let my own background, gender, and sexual orientation inform what I believe to be true about another female.
That is wrong.
So when Jeremy looks inward and questions his heterocentricity, I support him. It’s important to deconstruct gender roles. It’s crucial to not accept things as they are and analyze where these thoughts come from. Perhaps they are not organic to us, but rather they are implanted in our brains forcefully but societal trends and stereotypes. We must question ourselves.
We must do better, because I know we can.
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What do YOU think? Leave you comments below!
Source: 30dB.com – Hooters Girls
“Not much stops social media from judging and from the looks of it Hooter Girls are no exception, who are discussed on the positive side at 64% positive.” — Howard K. 360db
Photo: Mike Mozart/Flickr
Read Sarah Fader’s column every week here on The Good Men Project!
And thank you for sharing this!
I don’t quite understand what you would be judging them for? The “uniform” never changes, so you can’t judge them based on their attire. The waitresses seemingly all follow the same titillation playbook (lean over like so, crouch down like this, bend at the waist to pick up dropped utensil, yada yada) so labeling only one of them a “slut” or “tease” would be not only offensive, but ridiculous. That pretty much leaves judging Hooters girls simply because they are Hooters girls. I guess what I’m trying articulate is that, while I consider the objectification / sexualization of women to… Read more »
I feel like you’re putting way too much thought into it.. Is it a place to objectify women? Yes.. as much as any other male oriented bar in America is.. It’s not about objectifying, I really think it’s just about appreciating the female form. I’m sure there are men who call these women “sluts” and make judgments about their lives, but so do women. I think if you’re gazing at a Hooter’s woman, and appreciate how attractive she is, without making an assumption about her character, her life, or her spirit.. then you’re doing nothing wrong.. The micro aggression is… Read more »
“Is it a place to objectify women? Yes.. as much as any other male oriented bar in America is.” I’ve been to Hooters once and several strip clubs / sports bars / night clubs. When it comes to male themed entertainment, I also believed that those places with a mix of distractions, the night clubs with the game rooms or the sports bars with bikini girls selling shots or bottles was better. Maybe it’s just my short attention span, but looking at hot women, even naked ones, gets old after an hour or two. We always wondered about the guy… Read more »
To finish, there were a couple times we walked into a strip club and it was dead. By dead I mean that none of the tables near the stage were occupied. The women were giving a lack luster effort on stage and why should they try? They weren’t making any money. Anyway on 2 occasions we came in and immediately started acting the fool. Once I was so bad that the guys (and I) wondered how I didn’t get arrested let alone be allowed to stay. Probably because after I acted up, the patrons started moving to the tables by… Read more »
I would say that if you don’t want to objectify women then don’t go to Hooters (unless you like the food, which I’ve heard some women actually go there for. It’s never seemed particularly good to me.). I don’t know if objectification is natural. I don’t think it’s necessarily bad just like violence is generally bad, but it the context of kick boxing as a sport, it’s not. The women agree to be objectified and are compensated well. It’s actually an integral part of the jobs since that is the whole niche. People go there to objectify them. It’s assumed… Read more »
I agree with you that the women are choosing to be objectified. I’m must wondering if this is a deeper societal issue. We glamorize places like Hooters.
But we glamorize “the best” in everything. NFL football, The Olympics, spelling bees, etc. There is a fascination maybe envy or respect for people would have excelled at something even when it may not be through their own direct efforts like The Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous. U think where you may have a point is in how we select the best in terms of which the best we celebrate as the best. Let me explain. Men’s basketball is more popular than women’s. OK, men are bigger and faster and within the context of the game would perform better… Read more »
Ive been to Hooters once in my life. And even as a the kind of audience Hooters targets (straight guys) where in the world did you get all this baggage from while looking at them? “What I was stunned by was my involuntary fascination with these women. I wanted to know everything about them. I oogled their bodies, I noticed their perfectly applied makeup and their form-fitting uniforms.” You can’t reduce someone to a set of body parts if you want to know everything about them. “And then I hated myself. I was contributing to the societal trend of the… Read more »
I can’t answer this question because I don’t know how society implants subliminal sexualized messages about women into our brains. When I get the answer to that I’ll let you know 😉
Fair enough. I ask because I think people are a bit too quick to slap a label on something. Like with your answer here. You don’t know how society implants subliminal sexualized message about women into our brains but you’re sure you judged those women at Hooters because rape culture told you to? Its like you’re saying, “I don’t know how it did it, but I know rape culture is the culprit!” Speaking as a straight guy, who is the supposed benefactor of such messages, I just dont get that vibe. Rushing to judge a woman’s life based on what… Read more »
Not society, 100K years of evolution.