When I caught my boyfriend cheating, my world was crushed. And I was in my late 30s. Romantic love gone sour can always hurt you in ways you never experienced before.
I have loved other men since then, been cheated and ghosted again.
Yes, there was a time I felt shame and blamed myself. And many of us do, men and women, straight or gay. But never give up on love or romance, and before that happens you need to have the courage to date again.
That is all it takes, to take chance on someone again.
Are We dating the same guy?
It isn’t surprising that a Facebook group for women exists solely to ask the question that goes in anybody’s head,
Are we dating the same guy?
The concept had spread in many states and even in other countries.
While the group’s rules are strict and claim not to be anti-men, it has both its defenders and critics.
The group started in New York in March 2022, only a couple months after the dreadful West Elm Caleb debacle. Early last year, several women on TikTok shared their interactions with a 26-year-old furniture designer who notoriously lied and mass-dated on Hinge only to ghost them soon after. — Excerpt, Are We Dating the Same Guy? This Facebook Group Might Know.
As with everything happening on social media, it can’t stay a secret forever. And sadly, some women especially social media influencers on TikTok think it is their source of content, as this woman made fun of it in her TikTok video.
I have mixed feelings about it. It is both sad and empowering for women. Because it takes technology and social media to protect women from men who are predators.
And online dating while a booming industry, with dating apps making insane amounts of money, can also be a place to find yourself harmed and in some cases killed.
So if it helps one woman to be safe, let it be for now.
And for women who only seek enjoyment in reading comments from their fellow women, without seeing the whole context of what it really feels to be cheated or worse raped by a date, it is best to stay out of these groups.
These women are real people, be kind.
Are we dating the same guy in NYC
This group is a place for women to protect and empower other women while warning each other of men who might be liars, cheaters, abusers, or exhibit any type of toxic or dangerous behavior.
There will be three main uses of this page:
-It can be used as a place where girls can warn other girls about toxic men.
-It can also be used to inquire about men you’re seeing or who you just met to see if anyone has had any experiences with that person / to check to see if anyone posted any warnings about a man.
-It is also a safe space for relationship support and advice in general.
We strive to cultivate an atmosphere of female empowerment, acceptance, and support and will not tolerate any bullying, gaslighting, shaming, victim blaming, or aggressive behavior towards any other girls in the group.
We will also not tolerate any mean spirited or judgmental comments based on a guy’s looks, nor anything posted solely to make fun of anyone. This group is not about hating men. This group is about protecting and empowering women.
We do our best to ensure that this is a safe space and that anything posted in this group will stay here. We do not tolerate anyone showing anything written in this group to anyone outside of this group, and there is zero tolerance for taking screenshots of group posts or comments.
That being said, we can’t guarantee that something said in the group won’t be leaked by another girl. We suggest posting anonymously, making the details of your story vague enough to not definitively track back to you, and blocking anyone you might post about so that they can’t harass you should a post leak.
Feel free to post anonymously. If you submit a post anonymously, your comments on that post will be anonymous as well.
We will never reveal anyone’s identity to anyone in any way when something is posted anonymously or when anonymity is requested. We understand how valuable it is to remain anonymous in this setting for your comfort and safety, so we take it very seriously. We want everyone to feel comfortable while sharing because you never know when it might really help someone. — Source
Do these groups do more harm than good?
A sociologist interviewed by Mashable thinks there are better ways to make online dating safe, and the best way is to go directly to the dating apps and tell your story.
This is why Dr. Jess Carbino, a former sociologist at Tinder and Bumble believes the groups could do more harm than good. “People could be seeking retribution or fabricating the whole story; there is no way to discern the truth. Also, this isn’t the right place to air stories of abuse, authorities, and people who can make real change need to be involved,” she says
Others believe its purpose doesn’t to be the be-all-end-all, that as a support and advocacy group, it is already helping women.
But one can’t deny that it is possible that it can hurt innocent men who have no way to defend themselves as these groups are private. And if ever a story leaked on social media, a lie gone viral is hard to fight especially if your accuser remains anonymous.
I met my partner on a dating app. It will take more than an app to know the real person. Many of us only seek validation through romance, it will take years for us to know that is not to be true.
We can never find happiness from someone else, romance is a beautiful experience, but it never guarantees a life happily ever after.
Thank you for reading.
This post was previously published on MEDIUM.COM.
From The Good Men Project on Medium
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