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No doubt, my greatest challenge in practicing compassion is: Giving up stupid. Sometimes nothing drives me ‘up a wall’ like experiencing stupid either in others or especially from me.
Driving to work the other morning, I waited for the traffic arrow to turn green for the two left turn lanes. I was in the second lane on the right-hand side.
The arrow turns green. The raised wheelbase truck next to me nearly veers into my lane on the turn. Did the dude see me? I honk my horn, not wanting to get hit. The truck turns back sharply into its proper lane. Then the dude in the truck drives up next to me and gives me “the finger”. WTF? I was pissed. I wanted to break his arm, but that would not follow the teachings of O-Sensei.
I got that I needed to “get over it.” It took me a couple of minutes. Yes, that was fucking stupid. Then I got that the dude was just not paying attention. He wasn’t present to what he was doing. I often don’t pay attention as well.
So what if much of what occurs as being fucking stupid is really not being present? “Was someone actually thinking?” Granted, I’m aware that some of us may have cognitive disabilities, either the result of circumstance or birth. I’m not talking about that. I hope that I have the compassion for what it is like to be them. I’m talking about the folks who are thinking individuals, who just don’t pay attention sometimes. That does include me, too.
My dear friend John is an acclaimed leadership and business coach. John often describes his job: “I teach smart people not to do stupid shit.” A lot of that is being aware of what we do or say. Maybe even give thought before we do or say. And that’s not always easy. Rather, it takes training. And I would know.
A couple years ago I badly injured my right shoulder from Aikido and weightlifting. It took me about 8 months to rehab and heal up. Along the lines of Werner Erhard’s narratives: I only tell stories that turn out, that end well.
I was bench pressing with my trainer and friend Eric at the YMCA. My right shoulder had been strained for the last month or so. I practiced intensely in weapons training for Aikido. I had not really done so before. I had just practiced on Sunday. I had my training session with Eric on the following Monday.
I felt sore stretching out before the training session. I ignored it. I thought I could muscle it through. When I benched my first set, I strained my right shoulder. I felt a sharp pain. I immediately stopped. Told Eric I hurt my shoulder. We worked on other stuff. Taking it easy.
When I got home I thought, “I am fucked!” My shoulder was messed up. I thought, “How can you be so fucking stupid?” Then I heard my Mom’s voice in my head. “Jonny, slow down.” I became present.
I got hurt, not because I was “stupid”. I got hurt because I didn’t pay attention to what was going on with my body. I got hurt because I wasn’t being present. Like Mom always said, “Jonny, slow down.”
I took the baby steps to heal up and rehab. I worked with my chiropractor Kevin, who examined me. Fortunately, nothing was torn; ligaments and tendons were strained. He worked my alignment and muscle strain. I worked with my Acupuncturist Dr. Pan, who treated the inflammation and pain.
After a couple months, I healed up enough to do some exercise. Kevin gave me exercises to strengthen the weakened muscles.
It took eight months, but I was able to get back to Aikido. I was very afraid of going to my first class back. And I was okay with being afraid. I did what I could. I did my best. After class, I hurt and I was so happy. I was back doing what I love. I was present to what I was doing. I had to stretch and ice my shoulder after Aikido practice. I continued doing the best I could. Somehow, instead of stupid, I had become a bit wiser. Who would have thought?
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The Los Angeles Rams play the New England Patriots in Super Bowl 53 in Atlanta. Tom Brady lead the Patriots to a touch in Overtime to beat the Kansas City Chiefs in the AFC Championship qualifying for the Super Bowl.
The Rams also beat the New Orleans Saints in Overtime. That NFC Championship Overtime period resulted from the most egregious bogus “non-call” in NFL History. Rams cornerback Nickell Robey-Coleman hit the Saints wide receiver on a Drew Breese pass. It was blatant pass interference and illegal helmet-to-helmet contact. There were no penalty flags for either infraction. Over 100 million people on TV witnessed this travesty.
According to NFL rules, no plays are reviewable in the last 2 minutes of regulation play. Consequently, the Saints settled for a field goal to tie the game; thus sending them into Overtime. The Rams won in Overtime. Second string cornerback Nickell became a celebrity for committing the most infamous pass interference penalty never called.
After the NFC Conference Championship, a member of the press asked Nickell what he thought about the effects of age on 41-year-old Patriots Quarterback Tom Brady. Nickell said, “Age has definitely taken a toll.” And went on to further explain.
Keep in mind that Nickell is the third cornerback for the Rams with only 6 career starts. Tom has played in 8 Super Bowls. He has won 5 Super Bowls. In terms of credibility, do the math. Nickell can say what we wants. He’s certainly entitled to voice his opinion. What he said occurs as wrong, as even stupid. Really, I would say that Nickell was just not being present.
At Super Bowl Press Day in Atlanta, someone asked Tom Brady to respond to what Nickell had said about him. Tom said that he wasn’t going into to that. Tom was cool. I gather he’ll let his action on the field speak for himself.
During that press conference, a cute 8-year-old boy asked Tom, “How do you focus despite the negative fan base?” Tom smiled, “Aka the haters. I don’t know. What do we do about the haters? We love ‘em. Cause we don’t hate them back.”
Not only is Tom Brady the GOAT. He’s a good man. What he said landed for me: ‘Because we don’t hate haters back.’ And sometimes the hater can be me. Amen.
There are no haters in the Art of Being Present. There’s respect. There’s love. I believe that when we are present, we are wise. When we are present, we can forgive others, even ourselves.
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