1. There exists an animal called the “Velocipig” — a half-velociraptor, half-pig that flies, breathes fire and occasionally pees in children’s beds at night.
2. When a bee stings you, you die and go to heaven — unless you’ve been bad in which case you go to a place with millions of bees and they sting forever.
3. Penguins buy their tuxedos at Old Navy.
4. When bears hibernate, they dream of doing belly-flops into a pool made of honey.
5. The houses beavers make out of sticks is called “home base”. It is not called a “dam” because dam is a bad word and any kids who says it will lose desert.
6. White cows produce regular milk. Brown cows produce chocolate milk. White cows with black spots produce chocolate chip ice cream.
7. Birds have no bones. Neither do walrus, hippos or sea lions. On the other hand, snakes have one giant bone.
8. Sloths are the smartest animal because they sleep all day. Bats are the stupidest because they are up all night.
9. Cheetahs and our toy poodle Eleanor are the two fastest animals on Earth.
10. Frogs can leap as high as the moon. If you listen closely, you can hear them “ribbit’ing” from space at night.
11. A long, long time ago a clown was cursed by a witch and turned into a fish. That is how we got the Clownfish.
12. If you see a black cat it’s bad luck. If you see two black cats it’s good luck. If you see three black cats — that’s called a “cat gang” and you better run as fast as you can.
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Previously published on “A Parent Is Born”, a Medium publication.
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Photo credit: istockphoto.com