Maybe you need some new flavor in the bedroom, or a little more sizzle? Something to get your love life smokin’?
If you’ve been trying to bring more bacon into the bedroom (or the car or the laundry room), Boink N’ Oink might be the answer to your piggy little prayers.
Think about it.
You’d rather eat a BLT than cuddle and talk.
Or your partner wants to debate how many slices for the pefect bacon cheeseburger when you want to talk about tomorrow night.
The experiment you tried one time, that making breakfast naked thing? Smelled great, but grease splatter is not sexy.
You’ve sprinkled bacon on each other, the good crumbly kind that you could eat anytime, but when a few bits got in the wrong places, completely unsexy.
And bacon games in the middle of the summer? Never again.
There’s also the problem of what bacon grease does to 400 thread count sheets, not to mention what happens when you do get a date who’s bacon crazy and they have three dogs.
So what are bacon-crazed lovers supposed to do?
Take something you need, something you want, put them in a bottle, and squeeze.
The bacon-flavored lube (slogan: Get Hog Wet & Wild™!) supposedly “tastes like sweet, sizzlin’ bacon with no bitter aftertaste.” Does bacon have a bitter aftertaste?
It’s also, “silky smooth, sugar-free, colorless, non-staining, and [the] latex friendly formula is sure to have the bacon lover in your life squealing with pleasure.” They seem to be suggesting that all parties like bacon, which seems sensible, since this is lube, and lube goes everywhere.
The Boink N’ Oink website also advertises its product as kosher. It does not, however, say vegan, so until they introduce a “Now Vegan” version, this is probably not something to bring of your date eschews all animal products. Plus the smell of bacon is unlikely to make them swoon. You’ve been warned.
Over the last few years, bacon’s gone everywhere, in everything. Cupcakes, lip balm, soap, hot sauce, candy. It was just a matter of time until it found its way into a bottle of the slick stuff.
We are not responsible for any accidents or gross-outs that occur with the the use of this (yes, it’s real) product.
If you really must, the product is here.