Whatever the numbers, Craig Morgan writes, sex trafficking and prostitution are still tragedies.
Article by Rebel Magazine.
In her eight months on the Phoenix streets, Amira Birger serviced four to five men a day, pulling in between $4,000 and $5,000 a week. The only common trait her johns shared was that they were white men. All of them. Some hadn’t reached legal drinking age. Some were pushing 70. Some would take their wedding rings off and lay them on the nightstand while Birger earned her pimp a daily wage. “We worked down the street from the courthouse, and I swear we had judges and lawyers coming in,” Birger says. “Other times, it was painters or construction workers who had saved up their money. But there was no one profile. It was a huge, wide walk of life.”
Who knows what those men thought about Birger. Was she a trashy, bad girl who liked to have sex? Was she psychologically damaged? Was she combating poverty by the only means available to her? Did they think about her at all? Was she anything more than a commodity? An expedient pathway to a climax they had to reach — at a reasonable cost, of course. Who was Birger, really? She was a 15-year-old girl who had been forced into the sex trafficking trade. A girl imprisoned by a man who made her sleep behind a couch for two weeks without showering or changing clothes — and then made her have sex with men to get out from behind that couch. A girl who was raped by a family member when she was 6 — a traumatic experience she says conditioned her to accept her miserable fate. A girl who wanted nothing more than a loving family to protect her, and to accept her love in return.
“Being raped for three hours was horrific, but the worst part of that time in my life was watching my pimp and his wife read bedtime stories to their kids and tuck them in bed while I sat on the couch waiting for him to take me to my next job,” says Birger, who now counsels victims and the general public while pursuing a degree at Arizona State University. “It was like I didn’t exist. I wasn’t a person to him. I was just a product.”
Nobody knows how many girls and women are sold into sex trafficking in the United States each year. While a number of statistics have been cited, they vary widely in range and either rely on suspect methodology or scant evidence. But whether the number of girls and women trafficked is in the thousands, the tens of thousands or the hundreds of thousands is not the greater point anyway. Sex trafficking and many forms of prostitution are still tragedies. And they are driven by one simple market force: man’s insatiable desire for sex. “Sex trafficking, prostitution and pornography are not just women’s issues,” says Mending The Soul Ministries co-founder Steven Tracy. “We can dance around the issue, but the bottom line is there are no industries if men don’t create the demand. I’m passionate about highlighting men’s role in this, and it’s high time someone called attention to it.”
Tracy’s organization, co-founded by his wife, Celestia, focuses on education. But Tracy also believes it is incumbent upon men to stand against this injustice and their role in perpetuating it. “As men, we must speak up and speak out,” he says. “As long as we remain silent, we are complicit in the injustice, and that’s true of any injustice.”
Phillip Abraham is an Oregon-based filmmaker who joined forces with two film school colleagues to shoot the upcoming documentary, Volviendo. It’s about the Latin American sex trade and its consistent demand. In tow with a real-life traveling circus, Abraham’s crew made it all the way from the Mexican border town of Juarez to the southern tip of Argentina, taking in such eye-popping sites as a drive-through for prostitutes in the La Merced neighborhood of Mexico City.
The film crew embarked with an entirely different set of goals. But as they made their way from city to city, what started as a project for a feature film morphed into an epiphany — an awakening to a disturbing and depressing reality that led Abraham to confess on film that he watched pornography.
“A big delusion that men create in their heads is our justification that there is this separation between what we watch and what’s actually going on,” he says.
“When I was put, face to face, with some of the results of the high demand for sex, I couldn’t deny any more that I was contributing to a global sex trade.”
Mary Anne Layden is the director of the sexual trauma and psychopathology program at the University of Pennsylvania. In her summary of recent research, Layden found that viewing pornography can result in many negative behaviors and attitudes that can severely damage not only women, but the users. “Pornography is a potent teacher of both beliefs and behaviors, and in fact provides the ideal conditions for learning,” she writes. “It can teach not only specific sexual behaviors, but general attitudes toward women and children, what relationships are like, and the nature of sexuality.”
Aside from oft-cited research that shows pornography dehumanizes women in the eyes of men, Layden also notes research that reveals how pornography negatively affects men. She writes: “Exposure to pornography leads men to rate their female partners as less attractive than they would have had they not been exposed, to be less satisfied with their partners’ attractiveness, sexual performance, and level of affection, and to express a greater desire for sex without emotional involvement.
For males, more pornography use was also associated with greater acceptance of sex outside of marriage and less child-centeredness during marriage. The reduced desire for children is especially pronounced in a reduced desire for female children.
Some of pornography’s messages about relationships, sexuality, and women may be damaging, even if the pornography is not illegal or pathological.”
Kelly Carroll-Hendon founded the Lost Angels Foundation of Hope when a child she knew was abducted by two 40-year-old men who met her through MySpace and then came to her door and took her. Through the efforts of a private investigator, the girl was found in the streets of Tucson, one day before she was to be shipped out to California, then to Mexico on a sex trafficking circuit, where she likely would have been lost forever.
Carroll-Hendon agrees that the socialization, images and messages men receive on a daily basis reinforce the wrong image of what they should be. “Many men construct their identities and understand and affirm their masculinity through their sexuality and sexual experiences,” she says.
“Men continue to be praised for their sexual prowess, which is passed from generation to generation. Men have social expectations and roles that they should take risks, have multiple sexual partners and pay for sex to prove they are ‘real’ men.”
Ultimately, it’s up to men to break that cycle. “Every guy needs this to become a personal issue,” Abraham says. “Change is not going to happen through some statistic-based battle. It’s going to be a personal battle or revelation that is going to change the heart of a guy. My friend and fellow filmmaker, Diego Traverso, said it well at the end of our documentary (when addressing men):
‘It’s not about you any more. It’s not about your flesh and this desire that you have to feed. It’s all about them — those girls. If you believe that you are a man, you won’t feed that demand … She’s not an object. She is equal to you, and she deserves honor and respect.’”
Clearly, the most expedient way to end the market for sex trafficking, prostitution and pornography is for men to stop using them. But that is a simplistic and naïve notion that defies centuries of evidence.
As Layden notes, sex is a powerful motivator for men. Virtually every man wants it, and wants it frequently. That, by itself, is not a problem, says Dr. Robert Weiss, the director of sexual disorders services for Elements Behavioral Health and the founding director of The Sexual Recovery Institute, an outpatient sexual addiction treatment center in Los Angeles.
“When it becomes a problem is when there’s a loss of control,” Weiss explains. “It’s the guy who says I’m not going to that porn shop today or I’m not going to sleep with that prostitute today and risk my wife getting a disease, and then he does it anyway. It’s the guy for whom it’s more important to get the kids to bed early so he can watch porn, rather than spend time with his family.”
Weiss says a large percentage of his patients have a history of abuse, neglect or narcissistic parenting in their past that leads to their behavior — some of which they may not have categorized as such until confronted with analysis. The Sexual Recovery Institute’s website has a self-test men can administer to find out if they have a problem. If they do, Weiss suggests attending any number of 12-step programs for sexual addiction, talking with a counselor, pastor, priest or close friend, or calling his institute, which helps treat sex addiction through a variety of methods.
“We have to confront how their behavior is affecting their life’s priorities,” Weiss says. “We help them understand that they’re not bad people. They’re not immoral. It’s not about religion, but they do have deficits that have to be addressed to meet their needs without using sex and sexual experiences.”
Weiss also believes the intersection of technology and sex has created a new problem for men. “What technology has done is remove the inhibitory moment when you stop and think, ‘Is this really a good idea?’” he explains. “When I was in my 20s and went to buy a porn video or magazine, I had to drive my car to the place under the bridge with the sticky floor, walk up to the counter and confront the cashier. It was embarrassing. But the sheer immediacy and availability to everything on the Internet has given us access without those associated costs or time.”
The web site Ashleymadison.com is an example. The company’s tagline is: “Life is short. Have an affair” — and the message is exactly as it sounds. “I don’t believe we’re engineered for monogamy,” company founder and CEO Noel Biderman says.
“I’ve never seen a study that shows that people who have been married a long time had their sex rate go up. There’s a direct relationship between the length of time you’re with someone and your sexual attraction to them.”
Biderman said he is not promoting affairs; he’s merely capitalizing on a vast market for affairs. His company currently boasts more than 12 million anonymous members.
“You can’t blame the company for people’s behavior. I don’t think that’s logical,” he says.
“You can’t convince anyone to have an affair with a commercial, a radio jingle or a one-on-one conversation. If this company went away tomorrow, I don’t think one single affair would end. People would find another way. My role is to help people have a better affair, or a more perfect arrangement.”
Clearly, not everyone who has an affair or watches porn is a sex addict or even has a problem, Weiss says.
“I don’t think everybody is a sex addict on Ashley Madison, but I do have a question: If monogamy is a social construct, then why marry in the first place?” he asked.
“I have guys telling me, ‘I don’t get enough sex with my wife,’ and I tell them, ‘Well, then go buy a car, or divorce her, or go have an affair, but bring her along to let her know what you’re doing.’ There’s nothing intrinsically wrong with having sex or watching porn. It’s not about that. It’s about having a secret life. It’s about not having integrity. It’s about breaking commitments to the people you care about. It’s about how you treat the people in your life.”
Article by Rebel Magazine.
I don’t think the article was saying that sex is wrong, or male sex drive is wrong. It was pointing out that for some men, they have an unhealthy attitude towards it, in that they prioritise it over other things in their life, like a drug addict would. Drug addicts can end up alienating their loved ones, and so can sex addicts. some men WANT to stop being addicted to porn, or sex. The article may have neglected to cover the reality of male sex workers, which is unfortunate, but I think it was partially because the article is aimed… Read more »
Didn’t read all the replies.
IMO, legalise it. Have it like any other workplace with OH&S requirements. Tax it. Win win.
Same with drugs. They’ll always be a demand. Why not regulate it and capitlise on it?
There is not one man out there who cannot foster a relationship with a woman (or another man) to have sexual intimacy (or just ‘sex’ since a few here seem to be desiring something no strings as more exciting). Prostitutes are just a quick and easy fix – quit buying women, please, of any age. Put some effort into having some erotic life instead of putting up your money, that’s what it boils down to. No excuse for cheating on a partner or a spouse – again, that’s a quick fix instead of having the guts and integrity to change… Read more »
There is not one man out there who cannot foster a relationship with a woman (or another man) to have sexual intimacy (or just ‘sex’ since a few here seem to be desiring something no strings as more exciting). Please bear in mind that you’re making this split second declaration to people who have years of experience (or perhaps inexperience) that says the opposite. Prostitutes are just a quick and easy fix – quit buying women, please, of any age. Stopping prostitution isn’t the fix. Getting rid of the illegal parts is important but stopping altogether also cuts out those… Read more »
The real-life experiences of real men seems to prove you wrong, CBS. As for your moral judgments of men who employ sex workers… who cares?
why do you have an advert on this site advertising live chats with women ????????
Prostitution is a vile business. I can guarantee that, for every happy hooker that some people assure us exist, there’s another 99 women and children – yes and men too- being abused and exploited. That said, it should be fully legalised. Here in the UK, prostitution per se is not illegal, but working with another prostitute is, thus ensuring that women are at their most vulnerable if doing it on their own, legally. To British eyes (and we aren’t exactly liberated), the USA seems absurdly prudish in its purse-lipped, narrow-minded attitudes to sex, yet churns out a huge amount of… Read more »
“Men continue to be praised for their sexual prowess, which is passed from generation to generation. Men have social expectations and roles that they should take risks, have multiple sexual partners and pay for sex to prove they are ‘real’ men.” Men are praised for paying for sex? Where the hell is the author from? Not anywhere I know. Even the pooners don’t particulary cheer on folks who pay for it. They don’t call themselves “real men” because they pay for sex. What is this bullshit? As for this comment “As Layden notes, sex is a powerful motivator for men.… Read more »
I can’t believe i forgot about the part you quoted, seriously who else believes that ?
Men who pay for sex are seen as losers, the only people who think otherwise are men who do it cause they’re tired of being on the losing end of the dating scene.
“This crap is just insulting. To men who use the services of pros and the pros.”
Odd claim …
I thought the article was good and your response seems to be the same response that is so status quo.
“Men continue to be praised for their sexual prowess, which is passed from generation to generation. Men have social expectations and roles that they should take risks, have multiple sexual partners and pay for sex to prove they are ‘real’ men.” “Men are praised for paying for sex? Where the hell is the author from? Not anywhere I know. Even the pooners don’t particulary cheer on folks who pay for it. They don’t call themselves “real men” because they pay for sex. What is this bullshit?” As a former prostitute, I hate to say it but men are praised for… Read more »
“I have heard a million excuses for “why” they were there, the funniest one being “I didnt want to screw my marriage up by pestering my wife for sex”.” Is it possible that many of these men were denied intimacy by their wives? Maybe they wanted it once a week and the wife only “gave it” once a year? Some will probably be lying but I reckon some would be telling the truth, I’ve known a couple or 2 where she denies him sex for months on end, which can and probably often does lead to a feeling of a… Read more »
I started off agreeing with the article, sympathizing quite genuinely, before the argument started to throw in everything including the kitchen sink. This is a jumbled mess of possibly related issues conflated all together. It’s not even a slippery slope argument, there’s no sloping at all, everything’s put at the same level. What I read in the article is that extramarital affairs, pornography, child abuse, kidnapping, rape, prostitution, Third World poverty, and the internet are all pretty much the same inter-connected evil. The appearance of any one of these is driven by all the others. Lumped together are girls treated… Read more »
“It can teach not only specific sexual behaviors, but general attitudes toward women and children, what relationships are like, and the nature of sexuality.” I don’t know what kind of porn the author or authors are talking about where porn teaches a damned thing about children, but if they saw it, they should turn themselves in. None of the porn I watch has anything to do with children. And anyone who learns very much about how to treat women from porn rather than their interactions with women at school and their mothers needs their head examined. Why o why do… Read more »
@wet_suit: I think you misread the authors assertion about women and children.
I am willing to bet you thought women and children were 3 words but in modern feminst speak, Women and Children is 1 word. Adding “and chidren” to the end of the word “women” means they are eligible for all sorts of sympathy and ‘rights’ that they would ordinarily get.
I appreciate your cynicism. It’s well placed. I feel the same way about news reports when they only talk about the “women and children” who were harmed. It’s like, what? The men don’t matter???!???!?!!? AT ALL?!?!?!?!
Anyways, thanks for the chuckle!
the first 132 were collectyed over 5 previous years and cleverly added to the one actually arressted to the old , irrelevant data
Female centered porn, aka The Romance Novel, does the best it can to make a normal man seem undesire-able to women. It sure as hell objectifies them. The anti-trafficing crusaders said that there had been 133 arrests for trafficing during the 2011 SuperBowl. Anyone with a brain and a keyboard could have easily sorted out that the real number was actually 1(one) from the open records laws in force in Texas. The 32 were collected over the previous 5 years. Right there is a great teaching moment regarding how honest these crusaders are in real life. They just expect to… Read more »
“Female centered porn, aka The Romance Novel, does the best it can to make a normal man seem undesire-able to women. It sure as hell objectifies them.”
I watch porn videos and don’t read romance novels, so if you have further information on romance novels, I’d appreciate it. I could see how it would set unattainable standards for men (as porn movies do for women… and all other forms of media), but how does it objectify men? Do you have any examples?
But there are no unattainable standards for men in porn and all other forms of media? We’re all supposed to have gigantic 9′ penises? We’re all supposed to have washboard abs and chiseled bodies? Are you stating that women are objectified but men are not?
@Artemis If you want to know what male objectification looks like just watch Sex in the City. The Male’s earning potential and future prospects were read off by Carrie Bradshaw with in the 1st 5 to 10 seconds of their faces being seen. Often times the show’s audience was made aware of the dudes bank account before they even knew what his voice sounded like.
Objectifying Men means being seen as successes objects.
Noah Brand posted on this a while back about how men are held up as success objects.
Where a man is valued for what material assets he can provide namely money and status. Even in this age of women’s empowerment men are often still seen as being only worth as much as they can provide for a woman.
In Australia we have legalized prostitution, and judging by some legal sex workers accounts they do it from their own free will. There will ALWAYS be a demand for sex, if that demand dies, humanity dies. Not everyone can get sex easily and in fact I myself have considered going to a sex worker as I’ve heard from other men that it helped them gain confidence as they haven’t had too many experiences with women. “Fuck your teenage years away” is one comment I heard from a guy and I felt it was actually quite an important comment basically meaning… Read more »
Hay Archy,
I recommend watching porn with your mind and body. If you put some introspection in your viewing habbits you’ll see the difference between making love vs F@ing vs simulated rape for mysoginistic consumption.
Btw sex is a tool for rewarding Male Productivity. The governing has a vested intrest in leagalizied Monogamous Tax Paying, Buisness promoting sexual relations so prostitution is illegal in the U.S. If Austrialia had the budget capacity to place 40% of it’s male population behind bars for soliciting prostitutes y’all would be skrewed too.
I’ve seen the bad porn of course and it annoys me bigtime, “SL** suc** co**” is a label on videos that makes me want to remove that person’s ability to enjoy the pleasures of a partner until they learn some respect. That’s why I stick to mainly amateur/user created stuff as the majority I see is just horny people having real sex that is fun, nothing degrading, both get their pleasure. I am thankful that people do this because it allows me to experience some level of sexuality for the times I don’t have a partner, and funnily enough it… Read more »
This is a great comment, Archy. Yes, I agree our society is to blame for this. I don’t think the article is necessarily trying to blame men for prostitution, but rather point out that in places where it is illegal, they are funding and providing the demand for a very messed up industry (because it is illegal). I completely agree that prostitution should be legal. The US has some VERY antiquated ideas about sexuality, so I don’t think any politician would even make the move on that. And I wish there was not a stigma about paying for sex or… Read more »
Sex work is a form of therapy, I totally believe that. SO many people, young shy men in particular I’d guess, could benefit so much. I felt a lot more confidence after my first time with a woman and in a culture that treats male virgins like lepers it seems it’s pretty important. I think the negative views of sex work come from the STI factor + religious views but modern times seem to be changing that. One way to lower the amount of visits overall to sex workers would be to encourage women to hit on men and take… Read more »
So long as there isn’t the double standard of calling sexually active willing women sluts, I’m all for that. That’s the problem, at least in America.
Julie, I believe much slut shaming originates with women as a type of “market control.” When I’ve seen men do it, it’s in the context of competing for women as shallow objects– frat boys, jocks, stockbrokers, etc. These sad fellows are socialized to have a nasty, commoditized view of women. But women have to be close by, and are probably active or passive participants. I remember little slut shaming from the Army or boarding school, when competing for women was off the table, more or less. I’ll have a poly story for you probably tomorrow. Can you send me your… Read more »
Sure thing [email protected]
Julie, I believe much slut shaming originates with women as a type of “market control.” When I’ve seen men do it, it’s in the context of competing for women as shallow objects– frat boys, jocks, stockbrokers, etc. These sad fellows are socialized to have a nasty, commoditized view of women. But women have to be close by, and are probably active or passive participants. Agreed. When your identity is so closely tied to sex then of course the people that those of that identity are supposed to be having sex with will face the reality of being valused for sex.… Read more »
By the way Archy, as far as the seeing a prostitute thing goes, would you do yourself a favour and just do it. Your life will be better for it. There’s a reason the 40 Year Virgin is a comedy. In real life, it’s not very effing funny (or fun). I was on that road myself. Thankfully some wonderful service providers took my money and got me off that road. Praise be to those fine ladies! My wasted wasted youth is still lamented to this day, but things got a lot better. Also, be sure to date a lot, non… Read more »
If you are doing too much porn and/or going to prostitutes you have a sexual addiction. So you fix this by going to see a therapist? Going through a program? Do we need public school education? What percentage of males are addicted? Lots of questions…
Where is the outrage over the millions of men trafficed into America from poor countries to do all the nasty construction work? Or the hard kitchen jobs at below minimum wage?? How do you think it feels to pick oranges all day in the hot sun and face being fired if you complain about your crap wages? Where are the rescue programs for those victims? effing hypocrits!
I would rather pick oranges all day in the hot sun than be raped by 5 men a day.
Personal preference, I guess.
Naturally, my heart goes out to the women portrayed here. The segue into pornography, however, doesn’t follow, especially Leyden’s research, which (in my view as a sociologist) doesn’t even have face validity. Much ideological research (which I suspect this is) starts with a conclusion, then attempts to shape the research into supporting it. And frankly, I don’t care if pornography makes monogamy less desirable, or makes the desire for children diminish, although I suspect these clinicians in PA have proved nothing of the sort. The bottom line is that making people feel badly about sex sets the stage for controling… Read more »
She writes: “Exposure to pornography leads men to rate their female partners as less attractive than they would have had they not been exposed, to be less satisfied with their partners’ attractiveness, sexual performance, and level of affection, and to express a greater desire for sex without emotional involvement. We’re worried about a man being exposed to females more attractive than their partner ? If this isn’t the definition of a losing battle i don’t know what it. Men are exposed to more attractive woman via: Internet TV Shows Commercials Advertisements Newspapers or hell just walking down the street. It’s… Read more »
Good point; that section stuck out to me too. “The last thing we want is for men to start raising their standards! That would be bad for women!!!”
Its kind of a departure from the rest of the article about trafficking and the tragic story of that poor girl; that phrase definitely raised an eyebrow…
On this site it was a running mantra for a while about how its a good thing that women have raised their standards and we need to step up to meet them in order to be good men. Its kind of ironic that its a tragedy for women when men raise their standards.
You’ll find that same mindset in alot of articles on dating, especially when it’s from the female’s point of view.
Yeah, and I’m wondering where in the world any study will find adult men who have never been exposed to pornography. How big could that sample size possibly be? That must be comparing 2% of the population with 98% of the population.
So the solution is…(it’s right there in the article)…learn how to do without and control your sexual needs. I would like to hear more how that works. That would seem to be the key. A minimized desire for sex means no pornography or prostitutes I would think. Now I’ve already learned how to do this, but it required years of mental discipline and a wife who doesn’t like me.
Or are we headed in the legalize it and stop the trafficking side of the house?
I don’t have a problem with this. And while were at it lets ban contraception and abortion and women and men can all enter this wonderful world of self-discipline together.
You’re forgetting that women have other reasons for the pill and contraception. Like regulating menstrual cycles (like I wanted), reducing severely painful menstrual cycles, or treating female reproductive disorders, like endometriosis and ovarian cysts.
We’re you agreeing with his point and suggesting that women need a diagnosis for those conditions to obtain a prescription?
Or were you missing the sarcasm?
If people would live up to this part: “We have to confront how their behavior is affecting their life’s priorities,” Weiss says. “We help them understand that they’re not bad people. They’re not immoral. It’s not about religion, but they do have deficits that have to be addressed to meet their needs without using sex and sexual experiences.” I think we’d all be better off. How can one expect to get men to stop doing these things when people are standing in line waiting to shame them over it? In a few posts on my blog (and probably a few… Read more »
We could also legalize prostitution to bring it out of the shadows, since the demand is going to be there whether it is legal or not. Better to have these women working for actual companies regulated by actual laws. We could also address why so many men have no choice but to visit prostitutes. Why are so many men unable to get basic sexual needs met that they resort to paying money for sex?
Because sexual needs are not sexual needs. A “need” implies a sustenance one must have to live. Sex continues the human race, but you yourself do not need it to live. You want it. This is a differentiation people need to realize. Sex is a want, not a need. I don’t care how much you think you need it, if you’re not getting it, you either need to have a deep discussion with your spouse, or consider other options that don’t involve deliberately cheating. There is never an excuse for cheating.
He doesn’t have a spouse or girlfriend and he is not talking about cheating. He is talking about men whose only possible sexual contact with women is through prostitution. Is it a need? Well is contraception a need? Is abortion a need? These aren’t needs because you can simply stop having sex which as you pointed out people only a desire and you do not need it to live. Somehow though when it comes to things that women value everything is a fundamental right. What are contraception and abortion except things that enable one to have sex without repercussions. We… Read more »
You know, you’re right. I never thought about it like that.
The argument is that women have a fundamental right to a sex life, therefore the government should pay for their contraception.
Women’s sexual ‘needs’ can drive government policy yet we shame men for even remarking upon their own sexual ‘needs’?
I also find it interesting how deeply misandrist our society is.
If your against contraception or abortion (against enabling women’s desire for sex…not need remember!) you are a misogynist.
Whereas if you are for prostitution (enabling men’s desire for sex) you are also a misogynist.
I would argue that any person who is against prostitution, just hates men.
I think the arguments your posting ignores contraception for Medicinal pouposes.
“Whereas if you are for prostitution (enabling men’s desire for sex) you are also a misogynist.” There was some super objectification of women there. So female prostitutes are just objects for men’s desire for sex? Uh, yeah, I’d call that misogyny. Are you totally okay with illegal prostitution where young girls are routinely forced into sex work so they can be repeatedly raped by men who don’t care if she’s not old enough? How is that not misogyny? But sure, let’s make it all about restricting men’s desire and not about the other people in this equation, the sex workers.… Read more »
Legalize it and install protections. Or bring in super life-like robots. I absolutely hate the evils of the illegal industry, but I fully support a legalized industry where people go into it with full consent. There also needs to exist a welfare/safety net so women (or men) don’t just choose it because they’re desperate for work.
If you’re confusing a fleshlight with a sex life, I have to wonder what business you have commenting on men’s lives.
“There was some super objectification of women there. So female prostitutes are just objects for men’s desire for sex?” No there is no objectification here. I never said that female prostitutes are objects. I said prostitution enables the male desire for sex. I don’t see how that implies prostitutes are objects? But if your going to argue that then I would argue that the legalization of abortion objectifies aboritionists. “Are you totally okay with illegal prostitution where young girls are routinely forced into sex work so they can be repeatedly raped by men who don’t care if she’s not old… Read more »
It’s not that they ‘need’ sex. It’s the feeling of control that they’re after. Not necessarily the feeling of control over a woman, but control over the situation. It doesn’t matter if they’re a grocery bagger or a CEO, these men feel like they don’t have the control they should as a man. Both men and women need to feel secure. On a very basic level, food, shelter, and sex (relationship) make up that security for men. Everything men do, in some way, is to achieve or strengthen that security. These men have no purpose in their life. Nothing bigger… Read more »
I agree, pornography is a temporary intoxicant for under valued men and soliciting prostitution is an act of self hate unrivaled by any level of drug addiction. What we have to ask ourselves is how do we get more men to value themselves above this kind of behavior.
How’z about a national Wipe Your Hard Drive Clean Day? It’ll promote sanctimonious do-gooding and social awareness.
” Not necessarily the feeling of control over a woman, but control over the situation.”
So to summarize Andy Fogarty you possess mind reader powers. No not just mind reading powers but the actual ability to read the minds of millions of people you never met.
Happy to finally meet you Professor Xavier.
Well I had thought of seeing a sex worker because it removed the fear of rejection, and would allow me to just enjoy the experience without being crippled heavily by my anxiety. I do think I will try find the courage and do the old fashioned dating route, but if that doesn’t work out I won’t rule out seeing a LEGAL sex worker. I have no desire to control a woman, I just want to share a lovely experience with one and very much prefer one I am dating, care about, love, etc. Sometimes it’s just the desire to experience… Read more »
Anyone who has ever been to a prostitute knows that the prostitute is in control from start to finish.
It has been scientifically proven that sex is an innate need for a healthy and fulfilling life. It is as much a need as sleep. There are people that technically don’t need sleep either, but it is rare.
Sex is apparently not a need for you.
Right on Amber. I think people have confused “need” and “desire”. And since we live in a very over sexualized culture where we can see and do see sexual imagery 24/7, people are very much confusing their “needs” with their “desire” and choosing to make their “desire” more important.
Sex is a biological human imperative. It is just as strong, if not stronger, than the imperative to eat, drink, and sleep.
If you don’t eat, sleep or drink for a period of time, you die.
If you don’t get sex for period of time, you might be itchy, but you don’t die.
No one is arguing that sex isn’t “biological” or “natural” or “human”. But it is not a life and death need.
Touch is.
Human beings die without touch. And having sex with adult women is men’s only socially acceptable outlet for getting their touch needs met.
While being touched and being part of a community and having relationships is very important to most people, if you had to live without it, if you were strong enough to survive with it, you could. Hello “I Am Legend” and that movie with Tom Hanks and the Vollyball. The same can not be said about food, drink and sleep. If a Zombie Apocalypse happened tomorrow, and you had to survive, you would need to eat, drink, sleep and have shelter for survival. You would not need human touch for survival. Touch certainly makes things more enjoyable and can be… Read more »
There are people around the world that require no sleep at all. Also, you’re comparing characters in movies to real life. I don’t see many Balrogs walking the streets of NYC>
You say it isn’t a need because you haven’t lived without it. There are extraordinary, scientifically-proven, detrimental effects that result from a lack of touch/physical affection/sex. These are proven. Will you die as immediately without them as food, water, or air? No. Put someone in solitary confinement for years and years and see how well they survive. Have you ever heard the saying a fate worse than death? Solitary confinement. Just because it won’t kill you in a matter of days or weeks, doesn’t mean it isn’t any less necessary for survival.
What people around the world require no sleep at all? I am interested in hearing more about these people Collin. I am not comparing characters in movies to real life. If you are unhappy with my reference to Zombies, then simply take it out of the equation. It really was hardly a big deal in making my point. If there was some kind of Apocalypse, and it came down to the basics of what you needed to survive, food, sleep and drink would top the list. If you want a real life example, lets look at Syria. How important do… Read more »
You were using characters from movies as examples of people who could live without touch. You seem to have poor reading comprehension. Try reading what I wrote before you speak. Better to keep your mouth closed and be thought a fool than open it and remove all doubt.
That’s hollywood. Without touch human beings go mad. They lose their ability to think and reason properly. Even adults are impacted by the type and amount of touch they receive. In one study conducted by Field (1995), she found that when elderly individuals were trained to give massages to neglected and abused infants the elderly individuals’ levels of anxiety and depression decreased while the elderly individuals’ levels of overall mood improved. Ultimately, touch studies have indicate that touch is very important because a lack of touch leads to communication development problems (Field, 1995), depression (Field, 1995), eating disorders (Gupta &… Read more »
Agreed Typhon. Babies die without touch. No one thrives without it. Prisons are filled with people gone mad from isolation. It doesn’t mean people are entitled to “sex” at whim, but all of us need touch and pleasure and connection. Sex is one way that happens.
Unfortunately for men in our society sex with adult women is the only acceptable way to get their touch needs met.
It frustrates me that people show so little sympathy for this fact.
I don’t think anyone is suggesting that people are “entitled to sex at a whim.”
Without the possibility of touch, would you bother to eat, drink or sleep?
I had this debate with a good friend of mine years ago. I took Erin’s position. After living that life for 27 years, I realized I was very wrong. I began buying sex at age 30. I can honestly tell you, that was one of the best purchases I ever made. Would I have died without it? No (though I have been suicidal most of my life, and I only learned that wasn’t normal after Hurricane Katrina). Was my life tremendously improved? HELL YES! Was that the only way I could get sex? No, but I didn’t know that at… Read more »
As a whole, sex is a need to ensure the species survives, Shelter, Food, environment/safety, sex is pretty much next on the list to keep the species alive. It’s not a need for each person but it’s a need for a large proportion of the population or the species suffers major problems.
The desire for intimacy, love, can be so powerful that it damn well appears to be a need. Depression, loneliness, if it wasn’t a need in some form these wouldn’t happen.
Excellent idea. I always remind my fellow men that trafficking is bad (not just illegal, but WRONG) and abuse of minors is despicable.
Men, ALWAYS make sure your prostitutes are of legal age! There’s no excuse for molesting minors. Go the escort route if necessary to ensure that your sex worker is treated decently; it’s more expensive, but it’s worth it. And if you can’t be sure, stick with porn.
YES I am all for the legalization and monitoring of prostitution. Some men need prostitutes, (apparently women don’t seem to be all that interested) so why not make sure those sex workers are protected! Then you won’t have stories about sex workers like this one. 🙁
So, men don’t care about their wives, girlfriends, sisters, mothers, daughters nor any female friends they are particularly concerned about – have I got that right?
Seems the men in my life are putting on a really good show of pretending they care then. Maybe they do go to prostitutes and when they see me just see a piece of meat. And I am being fooled?
“Nobody knows how many girls and women are sold into sex trafficking in the United States each year. ”
Just explain one thing.
Why are we only supposed to care about the women and girls?
Typhon, if you have the time as well as info on writing a piece regarding the trafficking of men and boys, either by women or men (or women trafficked by women) please submit a piece to us? Or if you know a resource? While I understand your frustration at the focus on “male does something bad to female, Craig Morgan apparently was interested (or got information on) male to female trafficking. We need all points of view and would value your contribution (or linking us to someone who has that expertise). I can’t write from a place of expertise on… Read more »
Also, I don’t think that writing a piece about A means that B isn’t important. It can mean that, but it can also mean that the person writing the piece knows more about A and feels a pull to write that piece. I know more about LGBT issues and Sex Ed, so I focus on that and generalist pieces. Please contact Lisa or Joanna if you have a piece you’d be interested in working on.
http://epubs.utah.edu/index.php/ulr/article/viewFile/484/352
Is a start.
That made me feel sick to my stomach. Thanks for the link.
All sex trafficking is horrific, and stopping it should be a much higher priority than it is at the moment. For example there should have been no need for a private investigator in the article. The police should have found her. If you want some sex traffickers to hate, watch this film. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0300140/ However there is a pattern of ignoring male victims, because no-one hears about them. And no-one hears about them because they are ignored. Male victims don’t fit the narrative of: Men are big bad evil perpetrators, or heroic knights in shining armour; while women are sweet innocent… Read more »
I do work with everyone. Men, women, girls, and boys. They article may have focused on girls. But when I speak I speak about both. I just did a presentation for 1300 high-school boys. I focused on the effect of abuse, and how they are just as much at risk.
All articles focus on women.
She has just said that she teaches boys and men that they can be victims of abuse too…
This is another ugly reality to consider that I don’t think people want to ever talk about. Whether it is a girl or boy that is being peddled for sex, it is infact mostly grown men that are the consumers and the movers and shackers in the business. That is the reality. A reality that some will claim “vilifies ” men. So does it really “vilify” men, or are we just stating the reality.
Oh and I wanted to add, that male sexuality has this amazing power to be this awesomely exciting, powerful and wonderful thing. As a woman, I have totally experienced that and it’s grand. But it also has the power to be dysfunctional and distructive and harmful. And I unfortuntely experienced that too. And until we recongnize that, and not make the false assumption that just because someone feels something sexual, that it’s all “healthy”, and continue to define men through certain stereotypical sexual norms, we will be able to talk about this discussion with more raw honesty.
“But it also has the power to be dysfunctional and distructive and harmful.”
And you deny that female sexuality has the same agency?
Actually there are men that want to talk about that but when the other side of the converstation starts off with accusations of being destructive by default then those “claims” of vilification don’t ring quite as hollow as some make them out to be. So I’m wondering if people really want to talk about what leads men to embracing those destructive behaviors in hopes of actually preventing them or do they just want to save it as a trump card whenever someone needs to get some votes or needs a convinent target to attack. I’m all for finding out why… Read more »
Street boys report a high number of female clients.
Further sexual abuse in _juvenile institutions_ is primarily female adult on male juvenile.
95% of sexually abused youth in correctional facilities reported being abused by female staff. [From Sexual Victimization in Juvenile Facilities, 2008-09](http://bjs.ojp.usdoj.gov/content/pub/pdf/svjfry09.pdf)
And I just said that all articles _in the media_ focus on the problem as male-only perpetration, female-only victimization.
That should read:
How Men Are Responsible for [Insert Social Ill]
Men are [Insert Negative Thing]
Men should [Insert personal sacrifice]
You could seriously automate the writing of these articles and save yourselves a lot of time.
This post was a correction to another post I created, not in direct response to the article.
Classic.
This +1