Over the past few years, I’ve devoted a lot of time, money, and energy in service of personal transformation. Working with therapists, coaches, and going through coach training – it’s all been about setting up the next 40 years of my life with power and with purpose.
Last week’s article has been quite well received. The biggest takeaway that most have had is the moment when you know and own your worth is when the real transformation can begin.
But you can read for yourself.
Go ahead…I’ll wait.
I have lost relationships because of my insecurities. I’ve lost jobs and lost out on jobs because of them. I’ve lost friendships because of my insecurities.
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So many of us believe that we need to fix what’s wrong with us, instead of appreciating what’s already right about us.
In other words, as soon as you realize and understand that you are royalty, that is when royalty will come to you. I’m starting to see glimpses in my own life.
{Side note, I’m not gonna use her actual name yet. Let’s just call her “Potential.”}
Last week was the start of a series. Let’s start a dialogue on what knowing and owning our worth really means. Because I believe the moment we start to realize our worth is the moment that we start to realize our true potential as men.
This week is going to be about how shifting our insecurities can shift our lives into overdrive.
Let’s start with a story. A story about a pre-transformed man. A man – a writer – who hadn’t yet been published. A man who hadn’t yet heard of coaching. A man who had never been west of Texas or north of Tennessee.
Yeah, this story is about me. And it’s not my proudest moment as a man.
I walked into my old gym about ten years ago. A guy was practicing his posing routine for a bodybuilding contest. He was wearing the posing suit and everything.
Two guys were helping and coaching him.
This whole thing threw me off to begin with, but this statement really threw me off.
“I love the way your hams flow right into your glutes. I love that teardrop.”
I consider myself a bodybuilder in so far that I go to the gym and build my body. But the idea of doing a contest is something that doesn’t appeal to me one bit.
After I heard this comment, my mind went goofy. And I said to myself “that could very well be the most homoerotic thing I’ve ever heard.”
So many of us believe that we need to fix what’s wrong with us, instead of appreciating what’s already right about us.
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Understand, I’m not homophobic in the least. Okay, I might’ve been at the time because I didn’t really understand, but…yeah. I’ve grown up and transformed a lot in those ten years.
Another example was when I was college. I put on a Miles Davis CD in my truck after class. But everybody seemed to be cranking U2 in their fancy SUVs. I couldn’t be perceived as uncool so I rolled up my windows on a hot, Alabama day.
I didn’t want to be the lame guy listening to what I perceived as old people’s music.
These are just two examples. I have lost relationships because of my insecurities. I’ve lost jobs and lost out on jobs because of them. I’ve lost friendships because of my insecurities.
I’m not saying these insecurities ever go away. Not by a far sight.
Think back to a time in your life when you didn’t have insecurities. When you didn’t care how the world perceived you. When you didn’t care what the world thought of you. When it didn’t matter if you looked bad and didn’t look good.
Chances are, it was when you were a kid.
Do yourself a favor. Take the time to watch a child playing. You’ll see a creature totally unafraid of looking bad or not looking good.
You’ll see a creature without insecurities.
To my childhood, I’ll always remember my sister Ivy and I creating little sketches with our Cabbage Patch Kids. When we were on family trips, the dolls would be trailing us in their own toy cars as they dodged toothpicks and cheese slices falling from the sky. All the while doing goofy voices.
We didn’t care if we looked bad. We didn’t care if the jokes didn’t land. We just had fun.
All of this has been a set up for something. Another story about me. But this time, I’m watching someone else’s insecurities on loudspeaker.
I’m at the gym a few days ago. I’ve made some gainz lately. I’ve lost a few pounds of fat and added some quality muscle. In other words, I’m making progress.
By the way, “gainz” is spelled right. Yeah, with a “z.”
Anyway, I’m getting dressed after my shower. And this gym regular comes up to me and compliments me. Noticing how I’m making progress.
But he had to include a completely unnecessary disclaimer.
“No homo though.”
First, two points to the guy for giving me an acknowledgement for making progress. Even though it clearly made him feel awkward, I’m glad he did. It really massaged my self-esteem. I felt like a king.
Secondly, none taken.
But it points to a bigger issue, I believe. And I’m not talking about the inherent homophobia in his statement either.
I’m talking about his fear of looking bad. I’m talking about his fear of not looking good. I’m talking about his own insecurities.
The gym is a perfect microcosm of how people’s insecurities are on loudspeaker.
- The woman who always wears skimpy attire to call attention to herself.
- The guy who never misses an opportunity to admire his abs or kiss his biceps while looking in a mirror.
- The guy who grunts loudly and drops his heavy dead lifts with a thunderous clang.
Wait…that last guy might’ve been me.
I believe the moment we start to realize our worth is the moment that we start to realize our true potential as men.
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My point is, the people who matter don’t give a flying damn what things look like. The people who matter care about what it is. And the people who matter care about who you’re being more than anything.
So, can we shift who we’re being around our insecurities? Can we let go of our insecurities in service of moving our lives forward as the kings we are?
Sample sessions are going fast with Team Ryan Coaching. Email me at [email protected] for a free sample session.
If we can get to the point where we wear our hearts on our sleeves instead of our insecurities, humanity would be a lot more beautiful.
Next week in this space, we’re going to talk about a proven method to fulfill on royal goals and declarations in our lives.
Three words: be, do, have.
Photos by Leo Hidalgo and Brandon Bailey