You probably want to know if you and your partner are on the same page when it comes to being honest in a relationship. It’s easy to get nervous if you start to think your partner is keeping a big secret.
Naturally, there is no predetermined timetable for your relationship. Your partner doesn’t have to talk about the difficult experiences they’ve had until they are ready.
However, it may be time for check-in if you believe your partner is actively concealing something significant.
The word “secrets” has a lot of meanings. Joshua Klapow, Ph.D., Clinical Psychologist and Host of “The Kurre and Klapow Show,” stated that:
“As an individual, there is no law that you tell your partner everything about yourself present and past.”
The more significant questioning is,
“Why have you decided to keep it from your partner at the first place?”
There is a difference between deliberately keeping something from your partner and not sharing every detail of your life.
It can be difficult to tell when your partner is hiding something.
Dr. Klapow also explained what to say to your partner if you think they might have some skeletons in their closet and some warning signs that he or she might be keeping something significant.
1. They turn the conversation around to distract you.
If your partner appears to divert your conversation from the topic at hand. Or
if your boyfriend or girlfriend keeps changing the subject when you ask a question, this could indicate that they don’t want to talk about the issue.
If a topic comes up in a group and they change the topic or bring up a different one, they very likely may be doing that to keep you away from something they don’t want you to know.”
2. They assign blame to you.
If your partner shifts the conversation to focus on you while you are advocating for yourself or making your observations, this could indicate that they are attempting to shift responsibility or blame onto you.
According to Dr. Klapow,
“When your partner launches a verbal attack on you for no particular reason when you confront them or ask about a topic, they are likely doing this to shift the blame, focus, and content off of them and onto you.”
Arguments are common in relationships, and in fact, they should be healthy. However, if the conversation gets out of hand, your health is the most important thing. You always have the option of getting out of an unhealthy argument and talking to people you trust.
3. They defend themselves.
If you ask a passing question and are met with a highly exaggerated rant, you may start to suspect that your partner is concealing something.
It is a telltale sign that they have something more behind their responses.
If your partner appears to be too quick to react to a benign question with a louder voice or too many explanations, and if they too much backing you off.
Your partner may be attempting to conceal whatever it is they are concealing.
Give the conversation a minute to settle down, and then try to get in touch again in a few days.
4. They oppose the position.
When discussing a topic, the loudest person may be keeping something.
If your partner suddenly becomes passionate about a topic (i.e. cheating, stealing, lying, and starts calling out everyone else) on social media, or in groups, It is quite possible that underneath they may be hiding something.
Naturally, your partner may simply be extremely passionate about the topic they are discussing. However, it might be time to inquire about it if you have the impression that their enthusiasm is overcompensating for something that they are concealing.
Final thoughts.
Should you be able to trust your partner again if you found out that they keep a big secret?
It may take some time before you feel at ease discussing intimate topics with them again. What may appear to be a “secret” may simply be your partner taking the necessary time, before they would like you to know about those things they are hiding.
But the more you know about your partner, the better you understand them. However, information can be shared and discovered. According to Dr. Klapow.
Keeping secrets is either “bad” or “good,” depending entirely on the purpose and nature of the secret.
Your partner’s admission of their timeline does not necessarily imply that they are attempting to conceal anything from you on purpose.
If you think your boyfriend or girlfriend is keeping something secret, you should try to talk to them about it and start a conversation. You ought to have some level of openness and honesty in all of your relationships.
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This post was previously published on MEDIUM.COM.
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From The Good Men Project on Medium
What Does Being in Love and Loving Someone Really Mean? | My 9-Year-Old Accidentally Explained Why His Mom Divorced Me | The One Thing Men Want More Than Sex | The Internal Struggle Men Battle in Silence |
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