A commentary on guns and the souls of men.
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“Dave, I want to give you this gun. It is a twenty gauge, pump action shot gun that can hold five rounds. I am giving you # 1 point buck shot for ammo. These rounds can blow a six inch hole in a man from a range of 50 feet. I just want you to remember to never use this gun to defend your home unless you absolutely have to, but if you have to, shoot to kill.”
I have never had a gift given with more passion. It was my, soon to be, father-in-law’s way of expressing his trust in me to take over, as his beloved daughter’s primary protector. I never accepted a gift with more honor.
My own father never gave me a gun. He did try. He took me into the woods as a boy and taught me about gun safety. When I was ready, he had me hold by breath and squeeze the trigger. I had imaged that the blast would be electric. It was just loud. My ears wouldn’t stop ringing. My shoulder was sore. I never showed any evidence that I wanted my own rifle.
I imagined that his father had taught him how to shoot and that his father’s father had taught him and so forth since the discovery of gun powder. Now it was my turn. I liked the feel of these thoughts, but not my ringing ears and sore shoulder. I was to break a lineage.
As a younger boy, I was thrilled to get my first set of toy soldiers. They had the uniforms and the weaponry of World War Two soldiers. My father peaked out from behind his newspaper and named some of weapons for me.
I asked him about how he knew about these things and he told me that he had been in the US Army. He said he had been at Pearl Harbor when the Japanese attacked. He went back to reading his newspaper.
I told him that I wanted to know more. He told me that there wasn’t much to tell. He said that it was his job to keep the radar that guided anti-aircraft guns operational. He said he remembered that it was a beautiful Sunday morning. He was relaxing sitting on a hillside, when he saw planes in the sky he didn’t recognize. He was said there was nothing he could do. He said the ammunition for the antiaircraft guns were stored in sealed metal drums at a distance from the guns. There was no way his unit could get bullets into the guns in time to do any shooting back.
“Oh,” I said. My father disappeared behind the paper once again.
I have engaged in mass shootings thousands of times in my imagination. I have played the hero, I have seen depicted hundreds of times, who dodges every lethal blow, while delivering many.
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He reappeared to relate that all through the night, there were gun shoots. He said that the belief was that the Japanese would certainly launch a land invasion. He said that he had been quite frightened that night.
My father died over 47 years after Pearl Harbor. My brother got interested in researching records related to my father’s war service. My brother found out about the M 1 rifle marksmanship metal my father had earned during basic training. He found out that his anti- aircraft artillery battery holds the record for the most enemy planes shot down in a 24 hour period. It happened over the skies of Okinawa.
I have often wondered what it must be like to be a part of military family, with a tradition of military service going back generations. I went on from playing with World War Two soldiers, to Us Civil War soldiers, to Revolutionary War soldiers to anytime of soldier I could get my hands on.
I loved television shows and movies about war. My father watched too. He sometimes would comment that war could be “real bad.” He tended not to elaborate. I didn’t want him to.
I liked pretending to be a soldier and shooting at my friends with toy guns. I loved toy guns. I never asked my parents for a BB gun. My mother had me convinced that they were dangerous.
I have engaged in mass shootings thousands of times in my imagination. I have played the hero, I have seen depicted hundreds of times, who dodges every lethal blow, while delivering many. I have fought to protect noble virtues, for revenge, for glory, for honor. All of this fantasy before video games, which I never could get the hang of.
I have defended my home in my mind, by blowing holes in people that have come to do harm. I have spent some time thinking about how difficult it would be to get to a gun, site the target, be sure no one I love is in the line of fire and do what a man has to do. I know that I am just not up to it. The gun my father-in-law trusted me with away. They are put away where nobody could easily access them, including me.
Do I feel less like a man because I have never taken up arms against any foe, foreign or domestic. I do. Do I feel like less of a man because I don’t know how to neutralize an armed intruder so they wouldn’t harm people I love. I do. Do I feel like I am less of a man because I have never brought home meat other than from a supermarket. I do. Do I feel like I am less of a man because I don’t know how to clean a gun and savor the feel smell and sound and heft of a firearm. I do.
I think that I have some insight as to how good some men feel from being connected to any one of these pleasures of being around guns.
I never imagined that it would be my fate to be the head of a corporation and to make lots of money and to have great political influence, overtly and covertly. I think that I have some understanding of the appeal of being in such a position. Do I feel that I am less of a man, because I have never aspired to such a position. Yes, I do.
As I contemplate these ways that I am a lesser man, I feel no guilt, no shame. May be I should, but I don’t.
Guilt and shame come up more with my not doing more to speak out against gun culture. Writing this article, puts a dent in that.
There is nothing new that I have to add to the conversation about what should be done following the mass shooting in Orlando, Florida. This hopefully will be another drop of water in what can become a tidal wave of interest in doing something. Something other than dropping more bombs on people.
Guilt and shame come up more with my not doing more to speak out against gun culture. Writing this article, puts a dent in that.
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Gun violence is a complex problem. The renewed call by the American Medical Association that the 20 year old ban against funding the Centers for Disease Control to study ways to prevent gun violence be lifted, is simple.
Remembering that the USA is the largest exporter of guns in the world, is to remember a simple fact.
To remember that the NRA is one of the most politically influential associations in Americian history is to remember an important truth.
It takes more time to read and contemplate the words of Dwight D. Esienhower’s last speech as President of the United States. Such contemplation is more complex. These wise words include:
“Now this conjunction of an immense military establishment and a large arms industry is new in American experience. The total influence – economic, political, even spiritual – is felt in every city, every Statehouse, every office of the Federal Government. We recognize the imperative need for this development. Yet we must not fail to comprehend its grave implications. Our toil, resources, and livelihood are all involved. So is the very structure of our society.
In the councils of government, we must guard against the acquisition of unwarranted influence, whether sought or unsought, by the military-industrial complex. The potential for the disastrous rise of misplaced power exists and will persist. We must never let the weight of this combination endanger our liberties or democratic processes. We should take nothing for granted. Only an alert and knowledge citizenry can compel the proper meshing of the huge industrial and military machinery of defense with our peaceful methods and goals, so that liberty may prosper together.”
I think we fail to contemplate and act on these words at great peril. As men, some of the most important conversations we can have is to how guns have shaped our souls.
Perhaps it is time for another amendment to the US Constitution. It could read something like:
“A free and knowledgeable citizenry being necessary to the security of a free state, the right to have made bare all attempts to influence governmental administration by bribery, shall not be infringed.”
I think that Thomas Jefferson would approve. If such a amendment were adopted, I would fight for its preservation.
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