Adults filter their reactions to a man with a manicure, but seeing how kids respond is a lot more informative.
Hi. I’m Ferrett. I’m a guy, and my nails usually look like they do above.
Or like this:
And after last night’s lovely manicure, like this:
What I find fascinating about my nails, however, is how little kids react to them. Because when a six-year-old girl first sees my nails, her first reaction is almost inevitably disgust and/or suspicion. “Why do you have painted nails?” they ask, circling about me warily.
“Because they’re pretty.”
“But you’re a boy.”
“Boys can be pretty.”
Sometimes they make the disgust-face and back away. Other times they tell me, “Boys aren’t supposed to be pretty!” and we get into a brief argument that I inevitably lose. Regardless of whether they’re a girl or a boy, I’ve had this conversation at least forty times – this angry violation of their world, this curt rejection.
If I see the child again, however, they invariably ask again. It’s the same question: “Why do you have painted nails?” They clearly remember me. And I tell them, once again, it’s because I think painted nails are pretty, and this time their response is puzzlement. You can see them scrunching up their faces as they process this new idea that maybe some boys have long, girly fingernails, and they’re sure that it’s weird, but is it wrong? They’re now no longer sure. And sometimes they grab my hand without permission to touch my nails, as if to confirm this is a Real Thing.
When they leave, they’re still deeply suspicious of the nails.
The third time, they’ve come to terms with it. It’s no longer an issue; this is what Ferrett does, and this is how some people are. But what happens next is often very telling: on subsequent visits, the kids become enthusiastic about my nails. They start to show their nails off to me, asking about my color, and when I walk through the door the first thing some of them do is see what color Ferrett is wearing today. These kids now think it’s cool that I wear pretty pretty princess nails. In particular for little girls, it’s often an avenue of connectivity – hey, you have wild nails, see the color my Mommy let me get?
Yet each of them, at one point, had told me with disgust that boys did not wear painted nails.
And I think that’s a microcosm of humanity, really. When presented with something new that’s against how society tells you things should be, whether that’s homosexuality or transgendered people or polyamory or cross-dressing or a thousand other things, the inevitable gut reaction from people is a sort of visceral “Eeyew.” Which is often not them rejecting the idea itself, but rather a reaction to having their concept of normality violently jabbed. People like knowing how things are supposed to be. They like feeling like they’re on top of things. And this reminder that whoah, maybe you don’t know how people behave, is a threatening and ferocious action.
Then they see it a few more times and, circling the idea carefully, they come to recognize that maybe this is just another puzzle piece in the vast number of ways that human beings can be, and they come to accept it. Then in some cases, once they move beyond that, they become fans. And – this is the important bit – having become fans, they forget that they were once opposed. That process of adjustment fades away, and I never remind them. It’s better if they believe that this was always the way, really.
What happens next is often very telling: on subsequent visits, the kids become enthusiastic about my nails.
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And I don’t like dealing with kids who reject me, making little “cuckoo” gestures with their fingers to their friends as they retreat. It’s strangely stinging, being written off by an adorable seven-year-old moppet. But I also know that this reaction fades more often than not. It’s a thing that humans often do, and it’s a dumb thing, but it generally takes a few sharp shocks to the worldview before they arrive at acceptance and tolerance. And if they’re lucky, that worldview expands enough that newer concepts don’t seem all that crazy – once you’ve absorbed the idea that people can be gay, and that gender can be fluid, then expanding to accept the idea of transgendered lesbians is but a little hop.
That rejection is immediate, and painful, and by no means am I saying you’re not correct to be hurt by it. But what I am saying is that that rejection is often not the final word, if that person is lucky enough to encounter enough other people like you. People are often staggeringly thoughtless as they evolve, and ideally they learn to get past this sort of ugly brutality as kids… but sometimes a kid can go through a whole adolescence without meeting Dude With Painted Nails, clinging tight to a tragically narrowed world. When they finally encounter you, they’re as ill-prepared to deal with it as the six-year-old was. The reason we’re tolerant of kids is that they don’t know any better, and while it’s comforting to think that everyone gets handed the Big Grown-Ups Manual when they turn sixteen, a tome that contains all the proper ways to respond to things, the sad truth is that kids become grownups by running head-first into experiences, and usually cocking them up. If they aren’t lucky enough to have the right experiences at the right time, some portion of them remains a dumb kid even if they’re sixteen or sixty or a hundred.
I’ve gotten to see these kids evolve, live, right before my sparkly sparkly nails. Now they love ‘em.
That’s a good thing.
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This piece originally appeared in slightly different form at TheFerrett.com.
Loved this, thank you for being you and writing about it!
Ferret, your nails are beautiful. Your article? It’s amazing. I love it and I fell a little in love with you for it.
I just “discovered” something really interesting. Most negative feedback from people about guys wearing polish or color is saying things like I’d think you were gay, or only gay guys do this or you’re not a manly man- crap like that. So I did a search and found lots of currently trending sites that are about men coloring their nails. All are basically straight guys. There is not one, not one, search that came up on a gay focus of coloring your nails! Not one! And I searched a lot. Not to say gay fellows don’t color their nails but… Read more »
You are absolutely right. Time and time again, women enter a male-dominated area which devalues it. This causes men to leave and what was previously male-dominated becomes female-dominated. Just a few examples include teaching, nursing, and airplane stewards. This has become so common that economists have a term for it: gender pollution. You are also correct in saying that women are encouraged to expand outside of female gender norms while men are expected to stay within the strict constrains of their gender norms. This often creates an expanding definition of what is feminine while what is masculine becomes smaller and… Read more »
Ah, male’s wearing nail polish. The new “tattoo taboo”. 🙂 I’m an artist. I like color. In my canvas, in my house, in my skin, why not on my nails? I like looking down and seeing the little peek-a-boo colors I hide in my nails, the glitter or the double layers so it forms shapes as it peels. My 2-year old son likes it as well. I’ll sit down to paint my nails, and he brings over a shirt or scrap of fabric in the color HE wants on his nails. Then we go through the bottles until we find… Read more »
As a 58 year young, straight fellow, and sorry that I have to even qualify that point, married with 3 kids, I also color my toenails. Why? Because I like it, and I think all people look better when the color their nails. Simple as that. I don’t do my fingernails because I’m really hard on my hands, and chipped color look terrible on anybody but the younger women today don’t seem to get that yet. Maybe in some odd way that;s a fashion statement too. I don’t know. I like color on my motorcycles as well as my cars,… Read more »
Man am I ticked. I just replied with a lengthy post and all of a sudden it went poof, be gone! That will teach me to regularly copy text. But as McArthur said, I will return.
I don’t really post much when I agree with something but this was really good. Well done
All I want to say is that this is a fantastic article, and it was a pleasure to read it.
I *LOVE* this. My husband is a big ole burly electrician…yet for the past 3 or so years, he’s had me paint his nails nearly every weekend. Hot pink, circuit boards, Pacman, kitty cats, watermelon slices, blood drips…he has me paint all kinds of colors and designs on them, and he doesn’t give a rat’s ass WHAT any of the other construction guys say. In fact, I’m now a licensed nail tech because of him. He gets questions from kids, compliments from women and gay men, dirty looks from older conservative types. But like he says, the more people see… Read more »
and i loved yr post.
yr husband is cool
Now that is a real man Toni. Brave enough to do what he wants and let everyone else think or do what they want. It’s funny to me because a lot more men than you’d think color at least their toenails. They just are so afraid to show it for what anybody else might think. But then one would think that women want that type of guy, they say they do, fearless, strong, yet sensitive manly men. But then when presented with one, who has no fear of others, the men who wear polish because they like it, they then… Read more »
I was expecting to hear more about why you like to paint your nails other than they’re pretty. Of course, this was just my expectation and not a let down 🙂 I used to paint my toenails in the summer – my favorite color was “pooltime lime”. My experience produced mixed results as well. I suppose it was really because I liked the way my feet looked after a pedicure, some Nair and a polish 🙂 That was all the reason I needed too! I completely agree that people do not like to have their view of reality altered whatsoever.… Read more »
I was expecting to hear more about why you like to paint your nails other than they’re pretty.
Huh? Why would it take any other reason? Just because he’s a man, right? With a woman you would not ask for any “better” reason.
Sorry, reading the rest of your post carfully, I guess I was too harsh on you. You do get it, after all.
I guess nobody is as violently conservative as children. For example, I keep wondering where little girls get the idea from that girls and women are supposed to wear dresses and skirts all the time. If you look at the streets you see 95% of all women wearing jeans. How can this stereotype be that strong when it is not borne up by daily reality? I remember listening to a mother with daughter in the subway some months ago, it was very funny: Mother (with pleading, slightly desperate voice): “Don’t you think that a princess would want to wear trousers… Read more »