Question:I’ve been married for almost 20 yrs and I couldn’t imagine my life without my wife. We connect on every level but intimacy. She feels sex once a month is fine, it feels like once a quarter…I don’t like that. How can I turn up the heat so she desires me more?
Answer: Freaking love your question, great man! Given it takes two to tango… Here are my insights for you 🙂
First from a woman’s perspective… there are some women who are not as kinesthetic or fulfilled by their sensuality or sacred sexuality. However more often than not the issue is that they are working too hard, giving too much and not taking time to replenish, not listening or being present or in tune with their bodies and not making it priority to enjoy the pleasure of being a woman.
So one thing you could do differently is to ensure there is space for your wife to see sexuality with you as something that’s nourishing and delicious and pleasure filled , not just one more thing on the to-do list to check off after the grocery shopping. You might also encourage her to have nights out with the girls, go to yoga class, enjoy painting or dancing or being in nature… or run a bath for her! Do things that would enhance her feminine energy of allowing and receiving. Make her sensuality and living from the overflow a priority.
The other side of it for you great man, would be to check into how you’re showing up in your masculine energy. Are you present, is your posture aligned? Are you grounded and centered which makes her feel seen and safe. When connecting, are you listening deeply? Are you penetrating her with your gaze, your noble heart and your sexual energy? Are you insisting upon date night once a week? When’s the last time you had a sensual weekend at a hotel or cabin in the woods? Do you know her love language? Are you either doing acts of service or praising her verbally or touching her the way she desires? Are you loving her in a way that works for her?
Lastly, whatever we prioritize in our life will grow and improve if we focus our time energy and resources on it, yes? Most of us have explored a fitness trainer or a financial advisor, yes? After a 20 year marriage… I would hope that you’ve had counseling or gone to workshops or done something to nourish the growth of your relationship, yes? If not or even if it’s been a while… I highly recommend you apply for a complementary session with me and the three of us can get together and connect, talk, explore… See what’s possible in the realm of enhancing your sacred sexual connection for each of your vitality, intimacy and connection. It’s very healthy and wise to expand a good relationship to great, or a great relationship to glorious. We never “get there”… Life is a delicious journey of discovery, yes?
I look forward to hearing from you 🙂 Humongous blessings, Allana