“Go find sex,” your wife spits, but doesn’t mean it.
Followed by:
“You’re sick!”
“I don’t think I can ever satisfy your needs.”
“This topic is too painful.”
“Do you see this is hurting me as much as it’s hurting you?”
This is in response to the “can we have an open relationship?” question.
That’s the adultery can of worms. Once you say it, the suspicion is there for an eternity.
“Are you fucking someone else?”
”I bet you’re cheating.”
“I know you are stepping out!”
Angry words. Accusations. And more. Throwing of objects. Slammed doors. Cold silences. This is precisely why uttering the “can we have an open relationship” question is fraught with difficulty.
Who can approach this conversation without going ballistic?
“You’re going to divorce me!”
“It’s just a matter of time before you leave!”
“I can’t believe you’d do this to me after all we’ve been through!”
It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy. Even if you aren’t cheating, your marriage is blown to bits.
I haven’t ever brought this topic up at my home, and I can guess the responses. It doesn’t take a brain surgeon to know the outcome.
“Over my dead body!”
“This will never happen!”
“Absolutely NOT. Who do you think I am?”
“We took vows, remember?”
Yup. Your spouse won’t fuck you, and no one else can, either.
“I’ve never asked and never would. It would be a disaster and would destroy my spouse,” said one Redditor.
Say goodbye to your peaceful existence. You are now under cheating surveillance for the rest of your life. Under the watchful eye of a suspicious spouse.
Ugh.
It’s no way to live.
Don’t open Pandora’s box.
Yeah, you might as well go ahead and sign divorce papers. That’s where that conversation is leading.
“I get fussed at for not folding towels right. So you think I’m gonna ask to open marriage up? Sheeeeet. NO,” said a Redditor. I laughed. That’s damn relatable, I thought.
“Haha, yeah. I breathe wrong and get the stare. Nope. Will never happen,” wrote another.
“That would open a can of worms. The answer would be a hard no.”
Some might have a little more leeway. Don’t ask, don’t tell is an easier sell. But, on the other hand, it might save your significant other a tiny bit of dignity.
“I suggested it, and she didn’t say no, but didn’t say yes,” wrote another Redditor.
Another said, “At first, he was like, ‘sure,’ but after several days, he freaked out, and I never brought up the subject again.”
“I told him obviously, we had a dead bedroom, and I didn’t want to sneak around behind his back. He’s a very much ‘don’t ask, don’t tell” kind of person,” said another Redditor.
If DADT isn’t going to work, neither is “opening” your marriage. Where does that leave you?
A life of celibacy.
“I asked, and it was a barrage of demeaning and belittling comments. Turns out I’m not allowed to have sex with anyone at any time, including with her.”
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Been there, done that. It’s not for me. I am way too sexual a person to live without partnered sex.
You could say, “Hey, I’m really close to having an affair,” and see where that gets you.
Let me pop some popcorn and watch what happens.
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Previously Published on Medium
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