(This article is part of the series of “catching early red flags in dating” that will help you date better — both offline and online. Follow along for the next part.)
Love-bombing is the most dangerous game people play in modern dating.
If you don’t know what love-bombing is, I’ve talked about it in detail here.
When you get love-bombed, it’s easy to think that this person wants to commit to you. Well, they probably do but only for the first months when everything still feels like roses.
One of the signs of this love-bombing is how soon they tell you those 3 words. You know it — a woman’s favorite words to hear.
It’s also one of the biggest red flags you can easily catch in dating.
A story about a girl who got loved-bombed
A girl who I used to work with is very active on Bumble. Being in her early 30s makes her feel like she has to find “the one” soon.
The problem is, finding the right one to settle down with through the dating app isn’t a walk in the park. Luck plays a huge role, and not many can nail it.
Too many times, you’ll end up meeting some dudes who want nothing but a casual relationship. She met one of them, unfortunately.
The beginning was very promising.
He’d call her every single day and took the communication to another level. He would initiate a date to meet in person, and they did.
Getting that much attention was, of course, overwhelming for her. She didn’t expect it, especially the first time on the dating app.
But all of a sudden, there’s a massive decrease in their communication.
It wasn’t as intense anymore.
He seemed distant, and she could hear he wasn’t excited anymore in the video call.
All that only lasted for a couple of weeks? For real?
I mean, I’d be upset if I were in her position too. You can’t just say those 3 words and don’t mean them at all.
What happens afterward usually is the victim of love-bombing will try to chase the person.
Feeling shocked and frustrated, my friend desperately tried to make things the way they used to be. And as you guess, she only felt worse.
The truth is, love-bomber doesn’t care about the impact they do on you.
It’s like a habit of giving too much love to someone. And once that person’s captivated, they know they can do whatever they want in their power.
It’s a cruel thing to do. That’s why, when you notice too much attention without you ask for it in the beginning, you should be cautious rather than flattered.
What a good start in a relationship truly looks like
“Although passion may get a relationship started, it fades. A romance with a partner who is also your best friend is more likely to stand the test of time.” — Gary W. Lewandowski Jr. Ph.D.
For all I know, those healthy couples don’t rush things out. Most of them even start with casual dating because they want to get to know each other first.
It’s better to be with someone who promises you nothing in the beginning but keeps showing up whenever you need it. That’s how you build trust in each other.
Those who sell the empty promises with their words are mostly a liar. They don’t think deeply about what they say and only focus on their current feelings.
You can’t depend on feelings. They change all the time.
People who like to love-bomb someone tend to be fully committed. Because it’s indeed their main goal to convince you how serious they’re with you.
That’s why dealing with love-bombers is a real challenge for those with people-pleaser syndrome. Just remember, a healthy relationship doesn’t start full of empty promises.
It starts gradually because a good relationship takes time to build.
“Truth is everybody is going to hurt you: you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for.” — Bob Marley
Should you skip on a love bomber? Absolutely.
If you aren’t sure yet, listen to your gut.
Feel his real intention; does it feel genuine to you? Put aside your feelings and focus on the practical aspects of it.
It also helps to ask them what their past relationship looks like.
Do they move on from one relationship to another a lot? What’s the reason for the breakups? How long could they maintain a relationship?
Knowing someone’s past relationship is one way to see if this person is worth pursuing.
This post was previously published on medium.com.
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