Everyone has a friend or family member that isn’t exactly “joyful” most of the time.
Not to say this person is constantly negative, but let’s say this person tends to naturally gravitate to the more pessimistic side of viewing life.
Sound familiar?
Especially with the holidays, there’s a good chance you’re going to be spending time with these people.
Instead of dreading these moments, prepare yourself.
Here are four ways you can help reverse the negative mindset of the people you love or at least give them something more positive to think about.
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Know their love language
Most are familiar with the book, “The 5 Love Languages” by Gary Chapman, but if you aren’t I recommend adding it to your reading list.
In summary, it boils down to understanding what motivates a person.
- Is it words of affirmation that make your loved one feel valued?
- Is it an act of service helping them with a task that makes them feel special?
- Is it a physical gift that makes your loved one feel appreciated?
- Is it intentionally giving your time and attention to them that they treasure the most?
- Or is it physical touch with outward affection that makes them feel the most loved?
If you don’t know, ask them these questions to find out.
Once you can get to the core of what makes your loved one feel valued you have a starting place before jumping into their negative perspective on things.
For example, let’s say you have an Aunt Emma (or someone like her) who loves to go on and on about all the terrible things happening in the world.
She is obsessed with regurgitating the negative stories on the news every time you see her.
But you know her love language is hearing words of affirmation.
The next time you see her, try saying something like this:
“Aunt Emma, you always look so put together when I see you. Did you bring the pumpkin pie? I never seem to taste one as good as yours when I’m eating out.”
This isn’t fake if you’re genuinely voicing what you like about her.
When she hears her love language spoken to her, it’s setting her up to be in a better mood.
Switch focus from complaints to celebrations
No one is immune from complaining.
Not even you.
We’re all human, and we slip into this pattern.
But with those harboring a negative mindset, the complaining can seem constant.
And it’s not helpful for anyone in the near vicinity listening to it either. It can quickly deflate the entire vibe at a gathering.
Solution — Change the subject from a focus on complaints to celebrations.
When Aunt Emma is focused on what’s wrong with the world, strategically ask her about the last good book she’s read. If you know she’s not much of a reader tap into what you know she does often. Make it about her favorite television series, what she’s growing in the garden, or a new recipe maybe she’s made recently.
Redirect the complaining to something more positive and productive.
Sometimes many of us just need to be pulled out of the gutter of our own “woe is me” mentality (including myself).
When you ask questions related to the positive interests of the person with the negative mindset, you don’t leave much room for them to go on and on with all the complaining.
Give them the big picture POV
Most of us need to be reminded to take a moment to see the bigger picture.
Our problem can feel like this incredible crater when in reality it’s so petty or small in the larger scheme of life.
For example, I have a friend who has two siblings right now who can’t seem to bury the hatchet. The arguing has gone on so long that it’s difficult anymore to pinpoint why it even started.
With the holidays coming up, it’s creating tension, and others in the family feel like they have to walk on eggshells.
These siblings need to be reminded of the big picture.
They have parents in their mid-70s and one who is dealing with multiple health issues. Do they really want to spend this time arguing and inflicting this kind of distress on them?
Life is shorter than you think.
Sometimes reminding your loved one with a negative mindset that there is a bigger picture to consider can give them pause to think.
End the conversation on an optimistic note
When in doubt when dealing with someone that wants to hold on to their negative mindset, attempt to end the conversation on an optimistic note.
This doesn’t mean you have to be a Pollyanna all the time being excessively optimistic.
Rather, just be more intentional to part ways on a high note.
Be prepared with something to counteract the gloom and doom.
Have an uplifting story or reminder in your back pocket when Aunt Emma and you say goodbye.
Especially if you’re already being purposeful in seeking out more of the uplifting content on your Google feed and social media accounts, this won’t be hard to do.
Simply noting something more optimistic leaves her with something to think about.
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Final Thoughts
I wholeheartedly believe that words matter.
I’m a writer, so how could I not?
Words have power. Don’t underestimate the power you hold in being able to plant a seed of positivity in your loved ones that tend to be more “glass half empty” kind of people.
I’m not saying it’s all on you to completely change them, but you can give them something to consider by trying one of these four things.
Thank you for taking the time to read and engage with my articles. I truly appreciate your support.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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You may also like these posts on The Good Men Project:
White Fragility: Talking to White People About Racism | Escape the “Act Like a Man” Box | The Lack of Gentle Platonic Touch in Men’s Lives is a Killer | What We Talk About When We Talk About Men |
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Photo credit: Mohau Mannathoko on Unsplash