My father stares as I’m reading my world politics textbook,
00:08
an air of admiration.
00:12
[speaking in Vietnamese] “English is good.”
00:18
There’s a ticking bomb that forms at the back of my throat.
00:22
I can’t carry a fluent conversation with the very people that look like me,
00:26
yet his smile is the widest when I speak to him
00:29
in a tongue he can only comprehend half of.
00:32
I want to say… [speaking in Vietnamese]
00:36
“It’s bigger than this.”
00:38
Chapter one.
00:41
Whiteness’s soulmate is purity.
00:45
Keep us captive in these cages, cut our throats open so that
00:49
we may remain cooked in order to see if they like the taste of my culture.
00:53
Chapter two.
00:55
Make us go to their mass each Sunday morning.
00:57
Equality to them is seeing you on your knees worshiping them
01:01
like they’re your god.
01:02
It’s why Jesus is not Asian, nor a woman, nor black, nor brown; he is white.
01:08
Chapter three.
01:10
My father speaks with the tongue of Vietnam.
01:13
See, the American flag has been dragging his mouth around.
01:15
He has no time to fix his accent.
01:17
Chapter five.
01:19
Equality to them is like spitting the word in my face
01:21
while simultaneously choking the air out of me until my eyes widen,
01:24
my hair dyed blond, my mouth’s silent,
01:26
my mind, nothing but an empty nest for them
01:28
to empower me in a room full of them with the word “diversity.”
01:31
See, I don’t just speak two written languages,
01:33
I speak two cultures
01:35
that never seem to quite fit right on my feet,
01:36
and I am tired of trying to wear shoes
01:39
that seem too big or too small,
01:41
balancing between two countries
01:42
that always seem to crack if I walk too far off
01:44
because they’ll never be mine anyways.
01:48
And my father, he’s still staring at me with those, with those gazing eyes.
01:56
The silence makes me realize he’s more proud of me
02:00
for being closer to them than him and I will ever be,
02:03
but, Father, all I have is the skin that you’ve protected me with.
02:06
It’s these eyes that you’ve provided for me,
02:08
it’s this blood coursing through my veins, keeping me alive.
02:11
[speaking in Vietnamese]
02:17
“Can’t you see?
02:20
It’s bigger than this.”
02:23
He’s still staring,
02:25
distaste clicking on his tongue.
02:29
[speaking in Vietnamese]
02:33
“Child, just speak English.”
02:39
(applause)
—
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