I have recently read an article which emphasized — If you cheat, Don’t ever tell your partner.
Before getting into that argument, the first thing you need to understand is why do you cheat?
You can have substantial reasons like you don’t get enough attention or you were abused or he couldn’t reach your expectations. But as a matter of fact, the only possible reason is that you have chosen desire over your values, a desire to be happy.
When you choose desire over your values, you are lost, not just in a relationship but in life
Now, happiness is the ultimate goal of every person in the universe. Irrespective of the field you are in, whatever excellence you are thriving for, is all about making yourself happy. A doctor saving lives every day, it makes him happy. A soldier guarding the border of the country to keep you safe, it makes him happy. So, it mean you do anything to make yourself happy? No. There is a thin line between happiness and selfishness.
You are unhappy in a relationship, but you cope with it, suddenly someday you meet someone, you like him and swiftly you start validating your current relationship. The specific period you are with this person, you conclude it to be your only happiness.
You can relate this specific period to a person on anesthesia. What anesthesia does? it makes you numb, it makes you insensitive and unconscious. Precisely the same way, when you get comfort from a third person, your feelings to your partner become numb, you become insensitive and oblivious to the passage of time. You move with the flow.
Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, psychologist and author of the book, Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience defines flow as
“A state in which people are so involved in an activity that nothing else seems to matter; the experience is so enjoyable that people will continue to do it even at great cost, for the sheer sake of doing it.” — Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi
Every damn thing has an expiry date, certainly anesthesia too, gradually it wears off. Eventually you come to your senses, you are now conscious. Promptly a feeling of guilt rushes to you. You are tormented with guilt every day. So, one day you decide to confess.
Which brings me to the agenda of discussion. Do you confess or not?
Some people argue that it will hurt your partner, irrevocably. You will alleviate your guilt, but now he is in pain. Your partner might suffer a trauma. If you cheat, you don’t get to unburden your soul. Your punishment is carrying your betrayal with you for the rest of your days.
The foundation of a relationship is trust. Cheating does not only imply that you are sexually unfaithful, it also implies — you lied, you broke the vows, and significantly you have broken the trust. If you have succeeded in cheating him, don’t take him for a fool, he just trusted you much more than you deserved. You didn’t dare to end the relationship. You have conveniently chosen someone over him, so rightly he gets to decide to either stay or leave.
If you have succeeded in cheating him, don’t take him for a fool, he just trusted you much more than you deserved
Stating that, you don’t have to sustain an unhealthy relationship, where you don’t get enough love, care, and respect. You always have a choice, a choice to leave.
Previously published on medium
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