Yes, paying an ex-spouse may be difficult, yet divorce attorney Morgan Leia Richardson demonstrates the true fairness of child support laws and their importance.
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Michael looked at me with a stunned glare. I re-ran the child support calculations again. After some (but not all) of his taxes were considered, the calculator showed the same number, 25% of his income for child support. “I knew I was going to pay; I just didn’t know it was going to be that much!”
Primary bread-winners repeat after me: you agreed to pay the bills during the marriage and you are stuck paying after the divorce.
Many times, the amount isn’t unfair, but rather the fact that you are forced to pay an ex-spouse (who probably gave you some emotional scars). And, on top of that, you have no ability to control how that money is spent (or if that money is even spent on the child — or her endless shoe collection).
The most common complaint I hear about child support laws: You are writing a check to someone and you have no ability to control how the money is spent or if it is even spent on your child.
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But, what does it cost to raise a child? Last year, the US Department of Agriculture reported that the cost from birth to age 18 was $234,900.00. The figure was in terms of 2011 dollars for two middle-income parents (earning between $59,410 and $102,870 a year) raising a child in a two-child family. See Expenditures on Children by Families report.
Odds are high that the number is only going up. The report suggests that the largest expenditure is housing (about $70,560 or 30% of the total cost). The other expenses breakdown into childcare and education (18%), food (16%), transportation (14%), healthcare (8%), clothing (6%), and miscellaneous (8%).
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In New York—as in a few other states—there is a child support statute that includes payment “guidelines.” The payor will pay roughly 17% of their income for one child. If you are earning $76,800 a year, that puts you at a child support obligation of $13,056 annually ($1,088/month). This number is fairly consistent with the federal number that you will pay $234,900.00 annually to age 18 (or $1,087.50/month) for one child.
Of course New York differs from other states because our incomes are generally higher, but child support runs three years longer here (until the kid is 21 years old). Those factors may equal out. Other states have far more flexible child support schemes that may actually require the payor to pay less than the federal average.
Perhaps then, this is money you were going to spend on the child anyway, it just wasn’t as “in your face” as writing a check to your ex-spouse.
The reasoning behind paying is also fair: childcare is expensive and child-rearing is tedious. The math is fair. The logic is sound. But the practical application still causes you grief. You are writing a check to someone and you have no ability to control how the money is spent or if it is even spent on your child — the most common complaint I hear about the child support laws. And, if you fail to meet the obligation to pay, you face possible jail time as a sanction.
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But back to my client “Michael,” sitting in my office. The good news was that his children were older, limiting the number of years he was facing. The bad news? “What about joint custody? If we share the kids equally, then I don’t pay right?” Wrong. In New York, as in several other states, the law spells out that even in equal-time parenting situation, the “monied-spouse” still pays! I probably don’t need to mention that usually the “monied-spouse” is male.
Of course, an equal time-split may be a factor for a support magistrate to consider deviating from the state’s child support guidelines, but some magistrates are hard to convince. Maybe magistrates get a little jaded, after all no one walks into a child support hearing and says “Judge, I make plenty of money — hit me with as much as you can!”
Still, having greater time with the children and a lower child support payment might help equalize that feeling that you are paying with no control — after all, time with them is priceless.
What do you think? Are there any creative solutions to reconcile how the law is applied in real terms?
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Image Credit: Yogendra174/Flickr
This is all a joke. Family court judges positions are low lying fruit and as such attract the most incompetent family attorneys. Bottom line is that unless you are willing to waste tens of thousands of dollars for an uncertain outcome you are much better off giving up and moving on with your life.
The problem with this logic of it being “fair” that a man pay the exact amount that it supposedly costs to raise a child, is that you are giving the other parent absolutely no financial responsibility to their own children. Why should the “monied” spouse pay 100% of the costs of raising his children, while the other spouse essentially gets a free ride through their children’s upbringing? 30% of that number was for housing. Why is it the man’s responsibility to provide housing for his children to live under his ex wife’s roof and then pay for his own housing… Read more »
I was making a search on how to solve my relationship problem online then i stumbled on this email address Dr_mack@yahoo. com few days ago, so i emailed him about my bad relationship condition, how my boyfriend took me for granted and how he left left me, Dr Mack told me it would take 3days to get my boyfriend back, i waited for 3 days, unbelievable my boyfriend came to my house asking me if we could try things out again. He broke up with the his other girl and we rekindled and got back together, he now show me… Read more »
I make 16.64 an hour, i have 2 other kids ages 4 n 7 that I also provide for, how much is fair for me to pay for one child 15 yr
Ok, I’m odd-man out here–because I’m a woman who now has to reimburse my ex for his “overpayment” of child support. Long story short–I was military, he cheated, I kicked him out, paid all of his bills during and after divorce, he married and moved into a gated golf community, he stopped paying child support to pay for his new mansion, has never paid court-ordered medical bills, claimed disability, state garnished that, he asked for payment to be lowered, state lowered his payment retroactively, he just inherited rental properties, works off the books, is still in the mansion, pays under… Read more »
To comment on this. I have 4 children and have them 50% of the time (week on/week off). I still pay a lot in child support, and many cases can be made for fairness or not, but they are usually subjective. However, one thing that is not subjective in my opinion and easily seen as unfair is the tax on child support. I pay child support to my ex wife, I am taxed on this money and she is not, because it is to be used for child care. If you follow this logic, I have them 50% of the… Read more »
https://www.change.org/p/colorado-state-house-stop-the-injustice-now-change-support-laws-in-colorado
You are so right on that. it is tax free money to the receiving spouse. This is government encroachment.
Why not share the burden of tax between the each spouse? or why not calculate the child support on Post state and federal taxes?
It’s not tax free money to the spouse, it’s reported as additional income
It’s only taxable income if the receiving spouse agrees that it will be…why would anyone do that? Otherwise, Sandy, you need to change accountants.
I think this article and the writer are simply wrong! Yes paying the ex wife, or ex partner child support has a certain amount of sting to it. Yes, if giving the money directly to my children or directly to what they needed would be a bit of help, but it wouldn’t solve the many issues many of us face. The real problem is the formula used to calculate child support and the National average of “how much it costs to raise a child” is above normal prices. There are a zillon reasons why people are frustrated and upset paying… Read more »
I love how the author list statistics for the average cost of raising a child from birth to 18 and is completely OK with one parent footing the entire cost… disgusting
Here is the thing. NYS uses stautory percentages to presume what parents should spend on their children. Yet the opportunity exist in each and evey case to find the near acrual costs for the children but that cost is never looked at when calculating a support obligation. Further, economic studies are done in INTACT households with a husband and wife yet extrapolated to divorced home. Further in nearly all situation the are two households needing support but only one gets it and the other fends for itself while paying to support the other. The most logical approach to the fix… Read more »
Its all bullshit. People and particularly courts dont even know the meaning of fair.
The question that you asked “What does it cost to raise a child” has not been adequately answered by the Department of Agriculture. A statistic is not based in reality. It is based on a series of numbers collected from subjective criteria. The department did not trace every dime spent on any single individual from birth to the age of 18. Furthermore, the state has no business asking this question because the state does not understand the communal nature of family. Families are run through a form of communism. The members are biologically united and work for the good of… Read more »
Living in NYS, one thing about the formula that frustrates me is that the child care and health insurance pro rata is calculated BEFORE child support is transferred from me to my ex. So, before child support, let’s say the split is 75%/25%, but after child support it’s 55%/45%. I’d still be on the hook for 75% of child care and health insurance. That makes no sense to me. The other piece of the NYS formula that makes no sense is that if a joint custody arrangement isn’t 50/50 on the nose, then money is going one way or the… Read more »
Here in Nova Scotia Canada, Child Maintenance payments are made to the custodial parent regardless of whether or not you see the child and the amount paid is based solely on the payor’s gross annual income. It is a flat amount based on a grid/matrix of how many children and payor’s income and is (generally) not negotiable. Taxes are paid by payor on payor’s full earnings yet payor’s have to fork over 25% of gross yearly income. Only within the last few years have the tax laws changed where the payor can now no longer claim it as an expense,… Read more »
I actually feel like the laws in Arizona make quite a bit of sense. It’s kind of a complicated math problem but they take the incomes of each spouse into consideration and If one spouse gets a raise or a new job at some point, the child support amount can be changed. My ex is in school now getting her masters and working as a waitress so I’m paying child support. But chances are, after she gets out of school and finds a job in her field, she’ll be making more than me and she’ll have to pay child support.… Read more »
As I am in the midst of this, and feel I am being treated fairly equitably, and discuss this with other men I’m struck by some bizarre behavior.
There is, for some, a braggadocio about just how badly he’s been screwed and how much he’s paying…
Maybe it’s akin to swapping tales of pain & suffering in sports, maybe it’s a boast about how much one makes and consequently can afford to pay.
I don’t get it—-
A judge informed me that it didn’t matter how the custodial parent spends the money as long as the children(s) needs were being met. I’m comfortable writing that once I started to look at the statement objectively, I agree with message in the post. In my own words, not only are you responsible for a part of your children(s) financial needs, you are also responsible for their emotional needs as well. You won’t be able to do that, at least not very well if you are bitter towards their mother.
@Brian TramueL: The judge did not give you a reason, they made an appeal to emotion. Absolutely, the child’s needs should be met. When the money that you’re spending on the child’s needs is not going to take care of the child’s needs, there is an issue that will engender bitterness toward the other parent, and has the potential to cause emotional distress to the child. The fact that the judge informed you that it didn’t matter how the custodial parent spends the money is incorrect. It is there for child support. It is not there for 50% child support,… Read more »
My parents divorced when I was 13. My father was ordered to pay child support but never did; my mom was reluctant to take him to court over it. She never complained to me about him, but I noticed that he was spending money on himself while she was always worried about bills, and asked her directly. I was so hurt that my father didn’t care about taking care of my sister and me any more, just because he no longer got along with my mom. If you do pay child support, it isn’t for the sake of the ex.… Read more »
Glass half-full way to look at it:
Now that you’ve divorced, she only gets to spend 25% of your paycheck instead of all of it. That’s a savings of 75%, and you gain some distance and some freedom. Perhaps the 25% is a small price to pay for learning from your mistakes?
I feel for both parties actually. I can see how the system doesn’t seem fair in some cases to the men who have to pay, and I can see how the system isn’t fair at times to the women (mostly women) who receive the support. For my own experence, it was fair in the way of the amount, however I rarely saw a payment. My ex beat the system by running, being unemployed, switching states, and working under the table. He has never been to jail (and what good does that really do?) or never had his license suspended because… Read more »
As a woman, I feel the pain of my male friends that are in this dilemma. I have been thinking for some time that there should be some sort of banking system set up that has limitations applied to it similar to an EBT or food stamp card. The child-support payer can put money into the account but the payee has a debit card attached to the account with certain restrictions applied. Paying rent would be fine, but buying cigarettes and alcohol would not. Electrical bill yes, adult women’s shoes when your child is five no. We actually already have… Read more »
This would be an optimum solution, one in which every party wins. It would allow accountability on the part of the recipient, and would also serve as proof that the payer is actually contributing to the welfare of the child.
This system will NEVER be implemented, simply because child support laws were never intended for the welfare of the children, but rather to force ever more money though the state’s coffers.
Much like the fair tax, elegant solutions will never pass muster simply because some evil crony somewhere isn’t making money on it.
This is a minefield of an Issue, so please understand why I have to tiptoe some. Everyone, please understand that child support is VERY different than spousal support (alimony). Not everyone knows the difference. To those who have to pay : Pay it – and pay it on time, you are supporting the child, not the spouse. While you may not have any say in what the spouse does, you do have a say in what you do. There is no legal excuse for you to not pay, unless you have some financial restriction, then it needs to be brought… Read more »
I am one of the few women who have to pay child support, only because i work outside the home full-time and go to school full-time to make a better life. In Iowa you pay 30% of what you make each month before taxes are taken out. I pay monthly 345$. It seems like a lot, his father before i started school would have only had to pay 250$. I get my son every other weekend. It just gets frustrating because I felt i was forced into it because he wanted full custody and I can’t afford a lawyer and… Read more »
Natalie –
Thanks for your comment. I think it just affirms that it is an emotional issue and it is tied to paying money to a person’s “ex” and having no control of the money, rather than the idea that you are supporting your child.
Do you think it would feel more fair to you if you knew that he was using the money on your child?
Part of the issue is that there are some who probably pay child support, mother/father misuses the money, school books aren’t bought, the one who paid has to pay again to buy the stuff so effectively they’re supplementing his/her income, not the childs with the child support money.
It shames me in a way to say that I’ve made many child support payments over a twenty year period. How bizarre and ironic that I find one of my life’s greatest achievements is to say, “I was NEVER late on one single payment.” …Yeah, I’m a fine father…always on time with my payments. That said, men need to man up, not wimp out, excuse out, with “she just spends the money on herself!” YOU (man) support your CHILD – whom you brought into this world, albeit with a woman of dubious intents. Tell your child YOU support THEM! Tell… Read more »
Don: Men don’t bring children into the world, men produce zygotes , women produce children.
Man up? Well that didn’t take long.
Simply put God and certainly not the law don’t always, “take care of the rest”.
That may be true in some respects, but it should give you some peace of mind. YOU did the right thing!
Then stop spreading your DNA in suspect places.
Oh Don! How we all love your hyper-masculine ways and fancy Scotch drinks on a Sunday morning.
Hi Archy You are not an insensitive man Archy. Please don’t write like you do here: ✺”Women who don’t want children can simply get an abortion, or adopt it out (afaik),”✺ I have no experience with abortions or adoption, but to write that it is SIMPLY to adopt away a child,is insensitive and insulting. For many abortion is also not something you “simply” do. It may be the only chance you have in your life to have a child. You never know. Do you Archy think you would SIMPLY forget your child after adoption ? It is also your child… Read more »
“”Women who don’t want children can simply get an abortion, or adopt it out (afaik),””
I wonder if this is an extreme reaction to men being told by women, “You can just simply not have sex.”
Maybe the conversation has gotten so heated that its gotten to the point that instead of looking for common ground its now just a race to think of the most definitive remark to shut the other side down.
Was just a figure of speech, wrote it after 6 hours of sleep without really thinking. I didn’t mean it was a simple decision as it’s an extremely difficult one, but I mean the option is there. A man cannot simply just have an abortion, or walk out without repercussion, he cannot opt out. Maybe the better word is directly? I apologize for any offense, it wasn’t the intention.
Hi Archy apology accepted. 🙂 I am not angry at you. I know you too well. But when I was a little child abortion was illegal where I grew up. So women adopted away kids they wanted to keep if they were too young to raise them according to the norms at that time. And they also forced hospital to abort them by first inflicting wounds on uterus to start heavy bleeding ( blew air into it ). I felt so sorry for them. If a woman loves you Archy she will cooperate and wait with pregnant until your life… Read more »
I’m waiting for RISUG. Maybe one day I’ll have kids, but I need a good partner first and stable health.
IBEN: I think Archy is saying that right now in western society , men have absolutely ZERO choice (legal choice) to control if / when they become a parent and I do mean ZERO choice, they don’t even legally have the right to say “NO”.
John, If a man doesn’t want a child he can wear a condom, get a vasectomy, talk with his partner about birth control that she can take, or even drive a partner to get Plan B. If you don’t want to communicate with your partner about the ways to prevent pregnancy, you aren’t ready to have sex. If she isn’t on the same page as you, don’t have sex with her. I’m glad men don’t have the legal right to say “no.” They don’t make a baby inside of their body. They don’t carry that child in them for 9… Read more »
John is referring to the fact that statutory rape victims have been FORCED to pay child support, they cannot legally fucking consent to sex, let alone to the responsibility but still they are forced. “I’m glad men don’t have the legal right to say “no.” They don’t make a baby inside of their body. They don’t carry that child in them for 9 months. They don’t feed the child directly from the resources provided by their body. If done, they don’t get the baby pulled from their bodies and feel it being ripped from their insides. They don’t have to… Read more »
Lindsey: I don’t think you understood what I was trying to say so I will use an scenario to explain it. This sceneario is very unlikely to occur but it demonstrates my point. “A man has a vasectomy, he is wealty and has decided to never have children. A woman is able to obtain his sperm via SOME METHOD, he would still be held legally and finanacially liable for the resulting child/children and because he is wealthy the money he would pay is way more than would be realistically required to raise a child so the mother would have no… Read more »
Hi John Schtoll
I see that problem.
Until laws change ,men have to choose their partner wisely.
I have had boyfriends I wanted children with.but they said no,for different reasons. A man can have his reasons. Some already have children and do not want to start a new family.
Still they trusted me completely ,so theoretically I could have exploited that trust.
But what kind of persons will do that.
Unfortunate some women get pregnant even if they use good contraceptives. With IUD around 0,4-06% can become pregnant. A combination of condoms and IUD must be pretty safe.
Dads continue to pay child support payments more often and in larger amounts than mothers, according to new statistics on child support providers and payments released by the U.S. Census Bureau. Men account for 85% of those ordered to pay child support. Even in the rare instance where the mother is ordered to pay child support, courts are not ordering women to pay as much as male providers. Annual child support payments averaged $5,450 from male providers and $3,500 from female providers, nearly 56% less. Overall, child support payments averaged $5,150 annually, or $430 per month. According to the report,… Read more »
Perhaps too this should consider that women are typically earning less so their support awards reflect that. I do know several women paying support, however, and they feel it is “too much.”
“Perhaps too this should consider that women are typically earning less so their support awards reflect that. I do know several women paying support, however, and they feel it is “too much.”” This is why it should end! This whole thing of child support is outdated and should be eliminated altogether. It is nothing but a transfer of wealth form fathers to mothers and is clearly NOT working. the only way this will change is when mostly women are paying. When they see the absurdity of the system and how it makes absolutely no sense, the laws will be changed.… Read more »
As a dad literally going through this at the moment I can feel the others dads on this site’s pain. In Australia I am guessing we have a slightly fairer system. It is completely seperate to divorce and seperation laws and applies federally – everyone has maintenence split this way unless they choose to pay more. I’m simplifying it but here is how it basically works. First they take the combined income of both parents (less a living wage which is roughly what government support for a non working parent is) and calculate the yearly maintenance for the children involved.… Read more »
James, That actually sounds close to what happens in NY State. I didn’t go into great detail for this piece because it is aimed at a general discussion (and I have taken some negative comments about using too many legal terms into consideration), but 17% is of the combined parental income, then it would be broken up pro rata. In New York, that is considered basic support and doesn’t include daycare/childcare or unreimbursed health insurance costs, which are add-on expenses that are divided pro rata as well. Every state is different. From what I understand, NJ ties support to the… Read more »
We don’t have the phrase “monied spouse” here; it is resident or non-resident; if she or her partner was earning more than me, I’d still have to pay as the non-resident.