This comment was by Annah Elizabeth on the post If You Ever Use This Phrase Your Marriage is Probably Doomed by Steve Horsmon
I fully understand what you mean. Anytime we avoid looking at how we are contributing to a crisis or uncomfortable conversation, we deny ourselves the personal and interpersonal growth that could bring about positive change.
After my husband’s second affair, I realized that we were looking at all the wrong places, focusing on the surface stuff–a young business and a younger family were at the top of that list–rather than looking deeper.
I knew that if we had a chance of moving forward and making lasting change, I knew I had to look at how I might have been contributing to the issues, not to blame myself for the affair or to say I caused it, but to understand how many actions and reactions might have been feeding the underlying causes.
It’s a hard trying for us to do and a harder perspective for some to understand. If you’re interested, GMP ran a piece about a time I began to see areas I could hold myself accountable. Our Roots, A Letter to My Husband After His Second Affair.
Thanks, again, for helping us to understand how our language often holds us hostage.
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