This comment was by D. on the post “Is Cheating Really That Bad?“
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The women in my immediate and extended family have all said that the revelation that their partners were cheating wounded them much more deeply than the consistent (mostly non-physical) abuse. No doubt it varies from person to person. I think that people tend to consider cheating the greater offense for several reasons:
1) Verbal, psychological, physical (any type of abuse, really) are not constrained to any one type of relationship or circumstance. A kid gets bullied in school, a woman is harassed while walking down the street, an employee is belittled by a colleague or boss… the takeaway being that while some forms of abuse are more heinous than others, nearly everyone experiences it at some point. I don’t think the same could be said for cheating.
2) Even though the recipient of abuse may be suffering greatly from it, s/he is almost certainly AWARE of it. One might play down its impact, or make excuses for the partner’s behavior, but barring a delusion on the level of a psychotic break, that person thinks, “______ is hurting me when s/he acts this way.”
Cheating is inherently a shock, because, at least before that betrayal is discovered, only the cheater knows it has occurred. I think that as social beings, we have an innate desire to want to be able to trust people. That’s why the knife in your back always seems to hurt so much more than repeated blows to your face.
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