This comment was by Terry Tyler on the post Do A Single Mother’s Children Make Her Less Attractive? by Sarah Fader
I remember when I was 36, splitting up with someone I had been with for six years. I felt scared at the thought of ‘starting again’, and my soon to be ex-said to me, ‘you have one great advantage over most women – you haven’t got kids’.
I don’t think it’s that men are ‘scared’ of the other man’s kids thing as such, it’s just that they aren’t interested in it. By ‘afraid’, they mean ‘afraid of the commitment, afraid of what the whole thing might entail’. If you’re not particularly into children, it’s quite a big deal to know that you’re going to be taking on some six-year-old you don’t know, just so you can have a relationship with the woman you like.
Mostly, other people’s kids aren’t particularly appealing They can be delightful, but also whiny and boring. They’re demanding – I say this as a childfree woman who has entered into relationships with fathers. I married one, when I was 38, and became an instant part-time stepmother. I had a great relationship with the twin boys and one girl (and still have with one of the boys, 13 years and a divorce later), but that was because I only saw them for two to three days a fortnight, give or take the odd holiday. Once, when they were doing the stroppy 12-14 year old thing I just said to them ‘Save that for when you’re at home. If I wanted this rubbish, I’d have had my own children, I’m certainly not using up my weekends dealing with it from you.’ That makes me sound harsh, but I wasn’t, I was very happy and willing to make the weekends they spent with us very enjoyable, to concentrate on them, and never resented it for one moment, but what I said kind of sums up how men feel about taking women with children on, too, I think. It’s HARD. If you’re not his parent, little Theo isn’t an adorable scamp who speaks his mind, but a rude little tike who needs some discipline. Sometimes, it can work out wonderfully and to the good of everyone, but it’s a big thing to consider and I think the ‘love me, love my kids, we come as a package’ thing can be seriously off-putting. Sometimes, men can feel as though they’re being sought out as the next husband/father/provider, rather than being taken on just for themselves.
We are the only media company having a conversation about the changing roles of men in the 21st century. Want to comment? Please Read our commenting policy first.
Would you like to help us shatter stereotypes about men?