This comment is by Lucas, on the post “She’s still the same person, but I just know a little more about her.”
“I am a man, and two years ago I came out as openly gay. Next month my wife and I will celebrate our 15th wedding anniversary.
I love my wife dearly and deeply. I feel more like myself when I am around her than with anyone else I have ever met. I remember looking into her eyes just two weeks after we’d met and realizing that I could look into her eyes and I didn’t need to say anything. I felt completely comfortable around her, as if I’d known her my whole life. You don’t lightly walk away from a relationship with someone like that. She’s easy to laugh with, we share the same goals, hopes, and dreams. She’s the only woman I’ve met that I can imagine actually marrying. She has also been my greatest ally in coming out.
She knew before we were married that I was attracted to men but she will be the first to admit that she didn’t really understand. After all it was obvious that I loved her. A decade and a half later, things are much more clear to both of us. There are some ways our relationship is different than your average couple. As mentioned in the article, I don’t desire her in the normal way. I have never been “in love” with her in the same way I feel for men. While this challenges her at times, she also has never doubted my love for her or wondered if it were just hormones.
Sure it’s tough at times. She’s had to deal with similar feelings, wanting to be desired, and the quirks of being married to a gay man. On my part there have been times I actually considered walking away from an amazing wife and children to find a man. I have never done so and the feelings pass. On my wife’s part she says many of the “quirks” of being married to me are actually some of the things she likes about me. Staying together requires a lot of honesty, vulnerability, trust, and open communication–just like any marriage.
If I had to tell you one piece of advice, I don’t think I could do it. There are so many things threatening to pull us apart and there are so many reasons we stay together. Life is a complex dance, not snapshot. Maybe I do have one thought in summary: we usually find what we’re truly, honestly, whole-heartedly looking for.”
photo: jenny-pics / flickr