This comment was made by Anthony on the post “Did You Just “Shallow-Shame” Him? Really?” by Giorgio Selvaggio.
Wow. This article echoes a lot of what I’ve been thinking about lately. I’m 5’5″ (and change), so I’ve dealt with this my whole life. I had the added “handicap” of looking scrawny no matter how much I worked out. At the gym, whenever I’d put 300 lbs on the bar, non-regulars would always be like “that guy’s going to hurt himself!”
One thing I found that was an interesting wrinkle. At least a couple dozen women I asked out cut straight to the issue themselves, saying something like “I know this is gonna make me sound shallow, but I’m sorry, I can’t date a guy who’s short/shorter than me” I never blamed any of them, and would usually thank them for their honesty. At least that was better than some of the excuses I got, when I knew damn well what the reason was. I’ve seen the classic “smile fade” look so many times. The one where you’re sitting at a dinner party with a bunch of people, a really nice woman shows up and you start talking. Then after a significant chunk of the evening goes by, you’ve been talking the whole time to the exclusion of everyone else, you’ve exchanged contact info, and really hit it off…then you all stand up, and you see that look. The one that means that, at best, you’ve just been instantly “friend zoned”, and the only chance you’ll ever see her again might be at the next dinner party with the same group of people. I wish I could say that’s only happened a few times, but no. Hilariously, I even had two women “competing” for my attention once, in a situation almost exactly like that, and both of them ended up with pretty plausible non-reasons for not being able to ever see me again after that.
Well, that quickly became a “life story” rant. But anyway, the point is, preferences in attraction, superficial or not, are not something anyone can help, so judging someone for it isn’t fair. It’s too bad too, because honesty would be appreciated. At least with the women who were honest with me, I didn’t need to think “I blew it. What did I do wrong?” You know it’s genetics, and although there are things you can do, sooner or later you’ll have to take off the hat and platform shoes.
Anthony later added:
…and further to my last sentence, some advice to short guys. Don’t do the platform shoes. Women pick up on that immediately, and you’ve just telegraphed two things: You’re short, and you’re self-conscious/insecure about it. Even if you’ve somehow met that rare unicorn who would have been attracted to you despite your height, that second part just threw up a red flag, and you probably blew it.
I can’t take credit for this advice, as I was too young and stupid (in my early 20s) to realize it on my own. It was my only brief period of weakness where I thought I’d try something that superficial. That advice was given to me by an insightful and honest girl who was afflicted by the female version of the same problem (ie. being significantly above average height). I seem to have a knack for bringing out honesty in women. Too bad I’ve never been on a date…but that’s all ancient history now, decades in the past, so I can look back on it with some objectivity, amusement, and try to pull some useful advice out of it all for others to hopefully benefit from.
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