Rahim Rajar’s stunningly honest confession from his home in Pakistan.
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This is my confession, being a male chauvinist, to all females and fellow chauvinists out there to tell them what is wrong with me. I will discuss a few possible reasons why I am a chauvinist and what I have lost. I am representative of all male chauvinists who realize they have some problem with females.
Before plunging into the topic let’s look at the term: A male chauvinist is described as “a man whose behaviour and attitude toward women indicate a belief that they are innately inferior to men.” I used to think that all men were intellectually superior to women and as a result did not treat women as fairly as they should be treated. We need to keep in consideration that I had been raised in a society where it was deeply ingrained in men that females were inferior to males. Not only males believe this to be true, but also females, particularly uneducated women—and they also happily accept it.
This upbringing (with manipulated religious teachings) also shaped such thinking. To better understand my premise I spoke with a lot of religious people. A significant number of them believed that women were inferior beings. Some of them would deny it, but after a conversation for some time you get a sense of male superiority. I believe that it is not problem with religions per se, but that it is a problem with many men who are mostly running the church.
I would say it has become more a culture and subsequently a cultural problem. For centuries we have taken females for granted. They served only the purposes of sex and procreation, resulting in patriarchy. Boys are raised with the mentality that they are strong, they are told not to cry like a female. Even cartoons and films teach them that they have to go and save a princess. How many of these cartoons and films we know, where females are portrayed strong, wise, equal and fighting for society just as men? Certainly a very small percentage.
If you ask most of us, we would speak of gender equality. But in reality our definition of gender equality is conditional.
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If you ask most of us, we would speak of gender equality. But in reality our definition of gender equality is conditional. We are liars no matter if we are husbands, boyfriends, fathers, brothers, sons, or religious clerics no matter how educated we are. Most of us are the same in our views, but very few have the guts to admit that we are male chauvinists and there is something wrong with us. Many of us are incapable of having a loving and healthy relationship with a woman.
I confess that I believed females, most if not all, were intellectually inferior to men. I did not like their management in work and involvement in decision making both at home and at work. I found it difficult to work under any female as my boss or as a team member. I had a few other weird thoughts, such as they were after men’s possessions, and following their advice would lead to trouble. Sometime I used to joke with my friends that if there were no females then world would have been a better place.
Sometime our male chauvinism is due to a lack of meaningful interaction with females. After my real interaction with females I reached a conclusion that there is a difference between male and female psychology, and despite such difference they completed each other and we were equal.
I would also confess that I pretend to be a strong guy but in fact there were some females in my life who cherished and made me strong from the inside. They all were amazingly loving: my grandma, mother, sisters, aunts, friends and ones who cared for me in any capacity. My mother is the lady who cherished me most but the one I missed most is my grandma who would make me lie beside her, caress me and pour words of wisdom in my head. A memory of her is always a comfort and sign of hope for me.
No matter what we do and how many men we consult, there is real emotional support that comes from females who know us in any capacity. Even a tender touch or a simple sweet voice can comfort us. They fill our lives and this world with beauty and tranquility.
I am thinking to myself why are we in Pakistan so prejudiced against women? There is certainly some problem in our thinking. Maybe it’s time for us to realize there is something wrong with us. Maybe it is time for us to realize and to take off the mask. Why take a pride in thing which actually has nothing sound in it? The least we can do is give the women around us a chance to prove their worth through equality, love and respect.
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photo Shaun Metcalfe / Flickr
Rahim, your piece made me feel sad and hopeful at the same time. Sad that there is even a belief that wome nare some how inferior to begin with, especially in the light of all the positive female romodels you have. But hopefull toward your own cultural and self-awareness. I liked that you mentioned that the women also buy into the idea of their own inferiority. I think that’s a key componant we don’t always talk about, the things that women also buy into that support even negative opinions of women. I see that here in American too. Certainly not… Read more »
Thanks raj. All evolving men worldwide need to see the truth in these words.
Holy shit?! I am sorry. Hell no i was not critiquing this man’s use of grammar in the least.I mean if you ever stubble upon my gibberish-and I AM a native speaker-you will understand why.As you said,you wished for his voice to come through and you were successful.I live in an area that is an incubator for activism and birthing activists,the SF Bayarea. Some are real,most are not.Nancy Pelosi,Diane Feinstein,Angela Davis,Huey Newton,Eldrige Cleaver,Dr.Harry Edwards,Harvey Milk and some lesser known figures, were all active in the area.So,naturally,when the author presents himself as he has,in broad sweeping terminology,one wants to know more.
Hi RAHIM RAJAR
May I ask you a question.
I the West men are often most emotionally close to their woman. It can be a wife or girlfriends, but she is often a closer friend than their male friends.
In a society like Pakistan, are then men more close emotionally to other men? Or is that haram as it can indicate homo sexuality ?
I agree with others that it took real courage to admit this unfortunate interalization of male superiority. Bravo.
Now that you can see women with more clarity and can find value in feminine behaviors like caring and emotional support maybe you can also see that those feminine behaviors can be exhibited by men too.
In the same way that it’s unreasonable to raise boys and men to not cry and always be strong it’s unreasonable to raise them with the suggestion that they can’t be as caring as any woman.
John, he’s going to have to fight against a lot of culture appropriation before they can get to that point. In a society that doesn’t respect women, and where emotional support, caring, kindness and crying are tied to women, it’s going to have to take those men to respect women before they can respect their own ability to be caring individuals. You appear to want him to move to the next step way too soon. He’s seems to have just come into his self-awareness of the male-superiority of his culture. Can’t we just sit on that for a moment?
Since you are a self professed human rights activist,progressive thinker
and truth seeker, I’d like to know: which truths do you seek and whose rights do you advocate for. You moved from first person singular to plural in your post.Who is the “we” you are referring to?Who are the liars you mention?Is it possible for a human being to be both victimized and victimizer?Or are humans one dimensional creatures only capable of simple emotional expressions like good or bad?
Please keep in mind that Mr. Rajar is not a native English speaker. I was the editor on this piece, and I made a decision to make minimal corrections rather than lose his authentic voice to strict grammar. Such errors should not be construed as implying the subtle shades of meaning one might expect from a native speaker.
To have written and published this must have taken a lot of courage. It is beautiful. Thank you for sharing this, Rahim.
I second that, Andy. This was just remarkably brave.