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Being a dad is both an enormous responsibility and a great joy. My sons bring me happiness and anxiety, usually in the same breath. I know they will face things that I haven’t had to deal with in my life. I know they will grow into a world that is in a state of great change and upheaval. I also know that they will have an easier road than others. Recent events only remind me of what I have known for a while now.
That I have no idea what it’s like to be a black man in America.
I have never personally had a negative experience with a cop..
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I live in a middle-class neighborhood, and nobody questions me when I drive my car home in the middle of the night. I’ve never been followed around like a criminal with someone watching my every move when I go shopping. The few encounters I have had with police have been both cordial and brief. I’ve been waived through checkpoints, let off with warnings, and joked with police while waiting for coffee. I have never personally had a negative experience with a cop.
When my children go out to play or head off to a friends house, it has never entered my mind to coach them on how to deal with the police. It’s nothing I have ever considered because I don’t expect them to have any uneasy interaction with our local PD. They know to be respectful, and they know police are authority figures, they only see police as protectors. I truly hope that’s always the case.
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Far too many of my fellow citizens simply don’t have the same comfort that I have. They know that when they leave their house the potential to have a run in with law enforcement is high. Not because they’ve done anything wrong, but because of who they are. Parents fear for their children when they go out with friends, knowing that a minor infraction could turn deadly. I don’t know what that’s like, and I don’t ever want to know.
Most cops just want to work their shift, make whatever difference they can make and go home to their families.
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I don’t want to paint police as simply racist looking to harass minorities, mainly because I don’t believe that is the case. Most cops just want to work their shift, make whatever difference they can make and go home to their families. I’m glad the police are there; I like the thought that if I need help, they will come when I call. I know that my community is made safer by their presence. I am not oblivious to the good that they do for our society.
What cannot be ignored, is the bad that happens in other communities. I won’t ignore the almost unending stream of stories of cops killing minorities for what seems like minor offenses. I can’t erase the memories of seeing grieving families just looking for answers as to why their son, father, husband or brother isn’t coming home to them. All while I sit safe and sound with my children across town.
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You can call it white guilt you can call it whatever, but I grieve for what is happening. I also hate what those who look like me are saying about the situations and the justifications they find for them.
I don’t have a lot of black friends, a few but not many. Most of the ones I have are from work, which grew into real friendships. I’ve been with them in restaurants and seen how they were treated differently than me. I have heard their stories about things that happen to them that I couldn’t even imagine. You know what? I didn’t do anything about it. I just watched or listened with shock, but then went on about my business. That makes me culpable.
It makes us all culpable.
Most of my life I didn’t even really care. In fact, I supported the oppression. I was one of those that believed that what happened in black neighborhoods to black fathers and sons was deserved. In my mind, they were criminals if they had an altercation with a cop, and if someone got killed by police, it was because they didn’t do what they were told. I didn’t care that it was an overall system that put people in desperate situations. Nor did I care that, even though we didn’t have a lot, I had advantages over those in black neighborhoods. All I saw was skin color, and in my world that meant something.
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What is worse is that the same system somehow decides that because you are a minority your life is of less value.
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We have a system in place that makes criminals out of almost everyone. That in itself is a shameful fact of America today. What is worse is that the same system somehow decides that because you are a minority your life is of less value. We continue to put our law enforcement in positions they shouldn’t be in, by enacting laws that turn them into nothing more than tax enforcers. Thus increasing the number of encounters with those less fortunate. Those who can’t always afford the car repair, or to pay their registration on time, or are only trying to make an extra dollar and end up committing a victimless crime. Nobody deserves to die for that.
I am not sure if lucky is the right word, but I am aware that it is an advantage to be white. No matter how hard I try to understand, I will never know what it’s like to be black. I can only try to push for change.
Change that will someday make all of our life experiences and opportunities closer to equal.
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Photo:Flickr/Michael Gil