Jamie Reidy wonders how little is too little when it comes to bikinis and the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition.
I want to get to the bottom of Kate Upton’s bottoms.
And not just because her cover of the “Sports Illustrated” swimsuit issue makes me feel funny where my swimsuit covers.
Are women around the world gonna run out and buy this suit? It just does not seem to be a very functional piece of clothing. The lower half looks like it might slip off when slipping into the bathtub. She’s certainly not playing any beach volleyball in those bottoms.
Not that I’m complaining, but I’ve seen Croakies (those strings/cords that keep you from losing your sunglasses; I had to google it) with more material.
Never in my life have I vetoed an outfit, but I would not let my girlfriend wear that swimsuit to the beach. And, yes, I realize that 1950 is calling and wants its chauvinistic attitude back. I don’t care. My pals don’t need my gal’s swimwear answering their landscaping questions.
Speaking of girlfriends, I haven’t paid this much attention to a magazine cover since early 1996. Jennifer Anniston graced the front of “Rolling Stone,” wearing nothing atop a mattress. My then-girlfriend saw that issue on my coffee table and rolled her eyes at the image.
I casually commented, “At least now we know that ‘Rachel’ tans in a thong.” (Note: I no longer make thong-centric observations about women who are not my girlfriends to my girlfriends.) “How do we know that?” she asked with some annoyance.
Ignoring the warning sirens in my brain, I replied, “It’s pretty obvious.” She brought the magazine two inches from her eyes and squinted like a jeweler. “You must’ve stared at that for a long time to figure that out, Jamie.”
We did not enjoy sexual relations that day.
Speaking of sexual relations, I’m late for a date with Kate Upton…
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That poor girl in the article photo. She’s probably going to develop some lower back problems if she maintains those proportions. I feel empathy for her.
I don’t ever trust women who are jealous of pictures. Women like that just want to be your own form of sexual release.
If someone is trying to set up any system of punishments and rewards to control your behavior, run. If a significant other is doing that with sex, run twice as a fast.
it’s about time some real boobs were on the cover of ANY magazine!
@ Jamie : At least you are trying. Sports Illustrated, Playboy, Cosmo…. all of these magazines present major problems for perpetuating stereotypical views of women and men. Men in society are viewed as brave, competent, perverse and idiotic at the same time and women are viewed time and again as domestic, sexual creatures for the enjoyment of men. I think that it is a start criticizing the agendas set forth by these magazines, but men and many women have no idea of the how deep the shit is that we are in. Our culture is suffocating especially to women. It… Read more »
Right, because men should not be allowed to look at beautiful women unless they are less attractive than you.
Read you loud and clear.
I tell people to smile because I like happy people, and hope that it gives them a lil brightness in their day. Works for some people. Ever experience it in that way?
Isn’t this supposed to be a website that is for feminist men or at least “good men” ? Why are you all analyzing a sports illustrated magazine? The whole magazine contrasts feminism in the fact that a woman’s body is an object of your idle entertainment and criticism.
We certainly don’t have it all figured out, Christine. I can’t speak for anybody else (though I attempt to do so often), but I’m a part of this community as I try to figure out what it means to be a good man.
I wrote the original blog simply to comment on the lack of the bikini bottoms, hopefully in a humorous way.
Good thing you were here to read all of the comments, to ensure they were all, indeed, shallow and trivial. Thanks for reading, too, even if we came to different opinions of their value.
I suppose there is plenty of blame to go around but when all is said and done, women are agreeing to put themselves out there, Photoshopped an all, and that is where I find the problem. Mama’s don’t let your babies grow up to be sex objects!
That’s very true L.
Yes, your children should be making 40k a year, not 40k in a weekend.
The most exaggerated, enhanced, and unrealistic parts of those photos are probably the skin and not the breasts. Aside from the obvious rarity of having a flat stomach and skinny waist at the same time as big boobs, it’s extremely rare to find anyone with no moles, freckles, blemishes, acne, birthmarks, scars, or stretch marks. I think that’s a shame, actually, and very short-sighted. Having a mole sure worked for Cindy Crawford, and having freckles (538 at last count; this took a while to count; I’m not Rain Man) sure hasn’t hurt Marissa Miller’s popularity. I think a well-placed mole… Read more »
That Guy – The mole certainly helped the lead female character in “The Artist,” too. My favorite movie in years.
Yes indeed. The dog in the movie may have had spots added to him as well, though I pray to God it’s for different reasons. (In the credits there’s someone listed as a “dog colorist”, so I’m guessing that’s what that’s about.)
Freckles are hella cute! It doesn’t make someone less attractive in my mind, just like red hair doesn’t make them ugly either. Human attraction is quite diverse, it’s impossible to sum it up in a single image unless you take a pic of millions of people in all shapes, sizes, combos. 😛
Archy,
I have freckles all over my face, some on my chest and shoulders. I like them but I feel they make me look more girlish especially when I wear my hair curly. A guy was telling me about a cream I can use to remove them. I think men see them more as cute rather than sexy, which used to bother me but not anymore. I am glad you left this comment!
Well if it helps, there are some very sexy women I know who have freckles, it’s both cute and sexy in it’s own lil way. Either way I have been very attracted to women with freckles so it’s not a turn off, even pale skin is sexy, red hair is sexy. We all like different things so I hope everyone knows this because what isn’t attractive to one person could be super hot to another!
I agree with Archy. Like any other attractive feature, freckles could be cute or sexy or both or neither. I tend to think of visible shoulder and chest freckles as very sexy, because the skin that I can see leads me to wonder about the skin I can’t see. Sort of a ‘I wonder how far those go’ kind of thing.
Now I need a drink.
Agree with That Guy. No way in hell someone has her breasts without any stretch marks at all. Not for very long, anyway.
Hmm, that’s interesting. My internal sexual fantasies tend to be idealized as well. The brain does a lot of its own photoshopping and editing already. (To be fair, I’m extremely touched up in these fantasies as well. Totally chiseled. Sigh.)
She is hot, whether she has a full coverage bikini on or nothing at all! We should probably call the bottoms clit covers since that is all they cover. I guess that in our conservative society so long we cover clits and nipples all is well. I honestly don’t think men are going to want their girlfriends to wear bikinis like that. I think men are smart enough to realize Kate Upton is being used as marketing. When I see a super sexy guy in a magazine, I know it has been photo shopped and I know I am not… Read more »
It used to be SI could at least make a farcical claim that it was showing people engaged in some sort of outdoor activity, you know, because they’re sort of wearing swimsuits, kind of, so it’s sort of like a sport, right? Elle McPherson was actually coming out of a swimming pool, which has some connection to sports. They could conceivably be marketing the latest in “swimwear” for all those people interested in the latest cut. That was understood as a pretense, but now even the pretense is gone. These photos are not really even pretending to be about the… Read more »
This.
Sports Illustrated abandons any pretense of covering sport in their swimsuit edition. If I gave a wet damn about sports, I’d write about this.
Erin: But I really take issue with your whole, “f you want to talk about the pressures women get from men’s magazines go for it but there is no need to pretend that the pressures aren’t coming from women’s magazines..” I fully have acknowledged they do! I never pretended any such thing! I am not sure what else you are looking for. I was looking for an explanation and you just gave it You say you aren’t sure how many guys buy into those magazines…come on. Things like SI Swimsuit Edition, Maxim, FMX, Playboy and a ton of other mags… Read more »
Okay, you specifically don’t know men that buy these magazines. Although how you specifically know the purchasing habits of men buying magazines is confusing itself. I can’t claim that I rarely come into contact with women that don’t buy Cosmo because I simply don’t know if I do or don’t. Women don’t share with me everytime they buy a Cosmo. All I know is that I don’t buy this magazine because of the negative messages it sends. And all I know is that magazines like Cosmo are still on the rack. Just like magazines like SI Swimsuit Edition, Maxim, FMX,… Read more »
By the way, you do realize that men acutally buying these magazines and men buying “into” what these magazines sell are two different things sometimes right? Of course but I was thinking we could presume that a lot of the guys that buy these mags are doing so because of what they are “buying into”. If not buy at least look at them, talk about them, and ogle them. This is part of the issue between men and women. No one wants to listen to the other. True. Its the classic divide and conquer. Get us pointing fingers at each… Read more »
“ ‘You must’ve stared at that for a long time to figure that out, Jamie.’ We did not enjoy … I’m late for a date with Kate Upton… ” With feminists, it is always about control, power, and repression. Why have these images become so popular over the past 50 years? 50% of all fathers will have their children taken from them by force. The Maya culture of Central America practised ritual human sacrifice by cutting out the hearts of men to dedicate the foundation of new religious buildings such as temples. We judge these people to be barbaric heathens… Read more »
Bob, can you photoshop hair onto my head in real life???
Folks, EVERY image is photoshopped. From the cover to the tiniest contributor pic. They are ALL photoshopped. NO waxer plucked out all of her hairs, someone like me painted them out, or at least the ones that were missed. Her nipples were removed too, and wherever that suit (whatever there is of it) had an uncomfortable intersection with her body, a retoucher like me smoothed it out. Her hands were photoshopped, they would be bluish compare to the rest of her otherwise. Go ahead, look at your hands under real bright light. Yours are bluer than your arms too. Her… Read more »
Well it’s good you speak up about it Bob. Because I fear that most of us don’t infact know or process just how much photoshopping goes into an image since most of us don’t do it for a living.
Bob, you have no idea what you are talking about. The most appealing aspect of this image is NOT photo-shopped. It is genuine and true. It is impactful and profound. It is the understanding that separates boyhood from manhood. >>> This image cannot do harm <<< It cannot falsely accuse out of utility, spite, or boredom. It cannot take a man's property, income, dignity, or freedom. And above all, it cannot take a man's children from him. If you think that these images would be any less appealing if photo-shop did not exist, then you do not understand the predicament… Read more »
What? I don’t even… What? What does income or dignity or children have to do with a picture of a photoshopped woman? Are you saying this image can’t divorce you? Are you saying that a fantasy woman is better than a real woman because she can’t hurt you? Uh, I’m sorry a cruel, wrongly materialistic woman took advantage of you. But that’s painting all women as materialistic bitches isn’t it? I will give it you you, the media does like to perpetuate that. Engagement ring commercials are the worst, and I’d like to punch everyone in the face that thinks… Read more »
I casually commented, “At least now we know that ‘Rachel’ tans in a thong.” (Note: I no longer make thong-centric observations about women who are not my girlfriends to my girlfriends.) “How do we know that?” she asked with some annoyance. Ignoring the warning sirens in my brain, I replied, “It’s pretty obvious.” She brought the magazine two inches from her eyes and squinted like a jeweler. “You must’ve stared at that for a long time to figure that out, Jamie.” Not necessarily. Its all in how you look at the picture. Took me about 2 seconds to see that.… Read more »
All I know is some brazilian waxer (sorry, aesthetician) made a lot of money plucking out each pernicious pube from that lady. I have a feeling her right hand is posed there for function as to hold that bit of tissue in place long enough for a shutter to close. And my one bit of cattiness — she has saggy boobs. At least I beat her there. I wish there were similar things about men in popular culture. I would really love to see men as self-conscious about their bodies and self-degrading and self-flagellating as women are. That’s really why… Read more »
Women aren’t suppose to have pubic hairs anymore. We also aren’t suppose to have pores either if you go by a lot of pictures you find that appeal to men in male dominated magazines. But I take issue with you making a comment about her “saggy boobs”. Especially when you point out the reality of having to live in a world that promotes ideals of women that are unrealistic and infact do feed women’s personal struggles with their bodies. You are criticizing another woman for her body. Isn’t that part of the problem? And you criticize her for one thing… Read more »
“We also aren’t suppose to have pores either if you go by a lot of pictures you find that appeal to men in male dominated magazines.”
I see this as more of an issue in female dominated magazines although that has probably spread to many media forms. Makeup and smooth skin are highly prized in women, men can get away with the rougher skin for character (although not sure if that makes them sexually attractive or not).
No. It’s not “more of an issue in female domianted magazines”. It’s the SAME issue in female dominate magazines as male dominated magazines. Please acknowledge that much. Take a look at the picture above. Completely poreless. Take a look at all the pictures in Maxim. Completely poreless. They aren’t that way because of female magazines. They are that way because of male magazines. Stop detering the issue male magazines play by pointing to female dominated magazines. Yes, I am aware that female dominated magazines perpetuate awful ideals of women. Do you know the last time I actually purchased one of… Read more »
I don’t know I was just browsing some Cosmo covers and the poreless wonders seems to be there as well.
Do you know the last time I actually purchased one of those magazines?
Sounds like me. In all my years the only men’s magazines I’ve ever bought are 2 (yes exactly 2) issues of Playboy because I find the two women who were featured in those months to be extremely attractive.
Danny, can you please re-read my post. I clearly said that female dominated magazines have the same issue. I however and sick of this argument being used as a means to deflect what we see in male dominated magazines too. Women get it from both sides. I wish we didn’t but we do. But I am sick of the standard response to talking about issues of male entertainement to point the finger the other way.
And if you reread my response you’ll say that I didn’t say you didn’t clearly say that.
But at the same time you said that women are that way “because of male magazines”.
Are you really trying to say that those types of photos only show up in women’s magazines is because they show up in male magazines?
Then maybe I misconstrued your comment, ” I don’t know I was just browsing some Cosmo covers and the poreless wonders seems to be there as well.” Which appears to me to be saying that I didn’t acknowledge that it didn’t happen in women’s magazines too Danny. I don’t even know what you mean by, “women are that way because of male magazines”. I said that women get pressure from male magazines to look a certain way and you couldn’t address this comment without the classic, “women do it too!”. I am rather sick of seeing things deflected a discussion… Read more »
Earlier you commented that “Completely poreless. Take a look at all the pictures in Maxim. Completely poreless. They aren’t that way because of female magazines. They are that way because of male magazines.” Was that to say that women’s magazines play no role in the flawless skin, poreless, “perfect” pictures that get displayed these days? From the sound of it you were saying that they don’t but feel free to correct me. If you want to talk about the pressures women get from men’s magazines go for it but there is no need to pretend that the pressures aren’t coming… Read more »
Aww, I see what your saying. In that context I meant that men didn’t have images of completely poreless women because of female magazines. They have images of completely poreless women because that’s what men want to see. It’s actually the same arguement you made in reference to female magazines. That they don’t have images of completely poreless women because of male magazines. But I really take issue with your whole, “f you want to talk about the pressures women get from men’s magazines go for it but there is no need to pretend that the pressures aren’t coming from… Read more »
Apologies for the more part, I had included makeup in the more part but it was just for skin pores since makeup is a heavily dominant feature in women’s magazines but that wasn’t the issue being discussed. Replying is bad when tired, I’ll try not reply unless I am fully rested! Lack of skin pores seem to be in both but I haven’t looked at a porn or men’s magazine in 10 years, I guess everything went to shit. I do watch amateur porn though and some pro porn and they show all the skin pores, etc but I guess… Read more »
I think her boobs are amazing.
Just personal opinion 😉
Uhh Kim? Men do have similar issues. When’s the last time you saw a really hairy chest, and a non-chiseled male body in the health/sports magazines that was portrayed as beautiful? Men have far more insecurities than women realize it seems. Body hair, circumcized vs uncirc, penis size, facial hair, weight, muscle tone, muscle size, skin tone, height, masculine features, HAIR ON HEAD OR LACK THEREOF!!! There are many male insecurities relating to the body and I see insecure men a LOT, just goto your local gym and you’ll probably see a lot of them. Even insecure now on whether… Read more »
Yes. Which is why I’m really bothered when people (usually women) go on about men’s body image issues like they just started 5 years ago. How many times have we heard “men are now starting the feel the pressures women have felt for ages” or “men finally feeling what women feel” or some other nonsense that basically gives away the fact that they are not as tuned in on men’s body image issues as they have already decided they are? Let me spell it out before I get too far off course here. Men didn’t just start to magically have… Read more »
A funny spoof on the SI Cover – Tom Brady Appears on Sports Illustrated Cover: The Swimsuit Issue, just published on The Goose – http://wp.me/p27mGo-5I
I think the top picture is so much better than the cover.
I agree!! I think the top pic is way hotter.
The whole image (well the bottom half at least) looks like some photoshop gone wrong. Eh.
Yeeaah… she does resemble an esher print just the tiniest bit.
The point of that bikini is for men on suburban commuter trains to stare at it and other bikinis and enjoy it at their leisure and then tossing on the seat when they leave to go home to their beautiful wives, who are, of course, the most sublime creatures on earth to which the SI babes don’t even compare!
Next time be quiet and pretend the cover girl is ugly (even if it is Jennifer Aniston!)…
Only married men read that magazine? Maybe before telling others to be quiet you might want to think outside of the typical reactionary generalization.
Leia, your advice certainly makes life easier!
Not sure what the point of that bikini is, might as well go naked if you want to admire the body’s form. I’ve seen quite a lot of people (yes that group) talking about how bad it is but quite frankly societies attitudes to the nude body need to change. We’re born naked, children will run around happily naked and not care at all (I use to run down the street buttnekkid when I was a young kid and escaped the fence!), so why do adults care so much over flesh? Sure she looks attractive but I don’t lose my… Read more »
Even I can’t stop looking at that pic! Geeze.
So shiny. Thank you for that scouting expedition, Jamie.
Jamie you are a brave man. LOL funny.