There is probably no other area of life where we rely on luck as much as we do in our love lives. Rarely will you hear someone talk about luck in business or luck in finances. But being lucky in love is a way more familiar thing to most of us. And if you’re feeling lucky in love, congratulations! But what if you’re not? The problem is that most of us see luck as something outside of ourselves. Something that we cannot control, and something that we either have or don’t have.
But is this true?
Luckily (!!), no.
The general perception of what luck is does not match what research has shown it to actually be. Because yes, there is in fact research on luck, by British psychology professor Richard Wiseman. He studied people who consider themselves lucky or unlucky in search of patterns and commonalities.
It turns out that luck is not about magic, fate or chance, but simply about attitude and behavior. Being in the right place in the right time is mostly about having the right frame of mind. Professor Wiseman found that lucky people think and behave in specific ways to create their luck and that mimicking these traits will increase your luck. Let’s take a look at what they are.
Be more chill
Lucky people tend to be pretty light-hearted, and relaxed enough to pay attention to the possibilities around them. This stands in contrast with unlucky people who tend to be busy worrying, overthinking and being so goal-oriented that they miss out on unexpected opportunities. Luck requires you to be present so you can interact with what is alive and available in the moment.
This is important for luck in general but even more so when it comes to love since you can only connect with people in a meaningful way when you are present with them. In order to connect, be it through eye contact, by giving a compliment, asking a question or joining a conversation, you need to be calm and aware of your surroundings and present with other people.
Another common trait in lucky people is that they are extrovert, or behave in extrovert ways. They are good at creating and maintaining a connection with people. Obviously, the more people you meet and know, the bigger is the chance that some of them would be a good fit for friendship, a relationship or a job recommendation. It might look like a chance, but makes perfect logical sense. When you reach out to a handful of new people every day, even if only with a simple hello, to begin with, you will get to know more people and have many more opportunities for flirting and dating than someone who doesn’t.
Listen to your intuition
A third trait that lucky people share is the willingness to listen to their intuition. It is important to know that they don’t have a stronger or more accurate intuition than less lucky people, they are just more willing, and used to listening and following it. This means that if you know deep down that someone is not the person for you, don’t date them “just in case” or because your friends say that you are “too picky” or “to give everyone a chance”. You can trust your gut, and if you feel that you can’t you need to practice. Start meditating, read a book on the subject (Malcolm Gladwells Blink is very insightful) or simply practice listening more to yourself and less to others.
Richard Wiseman found that a lot of the unlucky people he studied had been warned by intuitive nudges but ignored them – and lost out on the luck they would have otherwise had. So practice listening to you your inner voice, it will guide you to beautiful (and lucky) things.
Luck is a matter of interpretation
If you perceive yourself as lucky or unlucky in love has a lot to do with how you interpret different situations. In fact, “lucky” and “unlucky” people often perceive the exact situation completely differently! Imagine being at the bank and getting shot in the arm by a robber. An unlucky person might think that it was extraordinarily unlucky to be at the bank at the exact time as the bank robber, and on top of that get shot! A lucky person, on the other hand, is more likely to interpret it as amazingly lucky to only get shot in the arm and nothing worse. This means that lucky people even manage to see bad luck as good luck!!
So how can you use this to your advantage when you’re dating? Be creative and find out how you can interpret more situations as lucky? Can you appreciate how lucky you were to find out someone was wrong for you fast enough to not have to date them more than necessary? Are you acknowledging the good fortune to have an amazing date with someone even though you don’t end up together? Can you find the luck in everything you learn along the way?
Your attitude about luck is not only a factor for things that happen in your love life now but will also affect what you expect from the future. Lucky people trust their luck and presume that good things will keep happening to them. This makes them more optimistic and willing to make an effort to reach their goals and dreams, even when things sometimes get in the way. Someone who feels less lucky would probably give up sooner since they’d think that it’s not even worth trying, and the negative spiral continues.
When unwanted things happen to lucky people, as they sometimes do to all of us, they deal with it in a hopeful way. They don’t dwell on mistakes or disappointments and recover quicker. One way that they can do that is by assuming that there is a meaning to what happened, and accepting that this meaning might not be clear to them until later. But they trust that it is there.
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