Many persons I know have been married for many years, some get past the hurdles and are able to announce celebrations of silver and golden wedding anniversary.
What does it take though to make those years truly count?
Many responses have been sort from married persons and a key one is prayer, not fussing the small stuff, forgiveness, love, not expecting perfection and understanding each other.
When it comes down to years all these factors count, but if you want more than to count the years of your relationship and have the relationship where it contributes to your joy. Then the key to unlocking such is understanding each other needs.
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We as humans, whether consciously or subconsciously have an innate desire to exercise either covert or overt control. We do so at times in relationships, by trying to get the other to think and respond to things as we do. No two persons are alike and while there are some similarities in relationships, the difference is what strengthens the two persons. While at times it can be a source of frustration, it can also be the source of a building blocks of a healthy relationship.
Each of us in entering a relationship will have diverse needs.
Trying to change those needs may help count the years, but not the peace and happiness that ought to exist in a relationship.
Most times each partner’s need differ.
Understanding and aiming to meet each other needs is what brings the joy of a relationship.
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According to John Gottman, there are five key love languages.
1. Acts of service — Letting them know you want to help and offering help without it being asked.
2. Words of affirmation — Encourage, affirm, appreciate, and listen actively.
3. Physical touch — Non-verbal use of body language and touch to show love.
4. Receiving gifts — Thoughtfulness, making your spouse a priority.
5. Quality time — Uninterrupted and focused conversations. One on one time is important.
As time goes along you will be able to identify yours. Once you know your partner love language you can ask them how best you can meet their needs. Doing so demonstrates to your partner that you desire their best interest with demonstration of love.
“Seek first to understand and then be understood” is a principle from the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey.
However, the principle can be applied in relationships.
As you seek to understand your partner needs you will be better able to meet it, as you meet their needs, they in turn will desire to better meet your unique needs and so contributing to not just a quantity, but a quality of the relationship that you desire.
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Relationships need not be difficult or a source of stress.
Freeing each other to be ourselves and understanding your partner needs while they in turn understand your needs creates a happy union that leads to counting not just of the years, but the joy of the relationship.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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White Fragility: Talking to White People About Racism | Escape the “Act Like a Man” Box | The Lack of Gentle Platonic Touch in Men’s Lives is a Killer | What We Talk About When We Talk About Men |
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Photo credit: Octavio Fossatti on Unsplash