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What Do You Do When You Meet Someone From a Different Culture?
The year was 2005, and I was finally making enough money to need a financial advisor. The first exercise we went through was identifying my spending habits to determine how much money I could invest in order to plan for my retirement years. After analyzing my spending habits, Lynne, my advisor, informed me that I spent too much money on travel relative to how much I made, what my goals were, and when I wanted to retire. Given that news, I told her I’d have to push back my retirement date because there was no way I was reducing my travel.
One of the greatest aspects of traveling is meeting people with different customs and cultures in their native land. I work inordinately hard at not being the “Ugly American” tourist. Deference and humility are my “go-to” postures while I observe how things are done in the country I am visiting. I’m not there to change them. I’m there to enrich me.
When I meet someone from a different culture, I express a sincere interest in knowing more about their lifestyle. When I’m in their country, early in the conversation I compliment what I’ve enjoyed thus far and I ask questions that cannot be interpreted as challenging their beliefs. The same type of questions I’d ask an American I met at a function. For example, in Cairo, we rode the camels out to the pyramids. I asked the guide how long he had been leading the tours on camels. How did he get into the business? I asked where they keep the camels at night; in a stable like horses are kept in or do they roam free inside a pen. I asked if the camels had to be broken and trained, like horses. I asked what he liked about his job. With each answer came a little insight into what life is like in Egypt.
When I meet someone from another culture in the U.S. that is here on holiday or is a first-generation immigrant I ask questions like, “What brought you here?” and “What have you enjoyed so far?” Given my interest in visiting almost every country in the world, I can sincerely say to them, “I’ve always wanted to visit [the country the person is from.] Do you have any tips of what I should see or do when I go?” If I’ve been to that country I say, “I had the pleasure of visiting [fill in the country] in [fill in the year] and I loved [fill in something I loved about that country.] Though these questions may seem innocuous, they develop rapport which leads to trust, which given time, can lead to deeper conversations and deeper understanding.
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I attended college from 1978-1982. These years were the early years of the Lebanese Civil War when many young Lebanese men were sent to the United States to go to college, presumably to avoid having to serve in the military and fight. I befriended many of them and frequently brought them home from school. You could say I brought them home for a “good, home-cooked meal,” but my “home-cooked meals” weren’t what they thought of as a “home-cooked meal.” My mom would turn over her kitchen and Nabil and Jameel would create dishes with the most intoxicating aroma. They so appreciated the use of the kitchen and I so appreciate being introduced to what are still some of my favorite foods. Through these friendships came stories from their home. One story I will never forget. Nabil was Christian and Jameel was Muslim. We were approaching our senior year when both Nabil and Jameel would return home. They were such close friends in Wichita, Kansas yet, sadly, they told me they were celebrating their last days as brothers because their homeland would not allow them to be friends. They would each side with their respective families, their respective religions and never speak to each other again.
Then there’s Stefan from Sweden, whom I just had the pleasure of meeting last week. Stefan is a huge Minnesota Wild hockey fan and he came to St. Paul, Minnesota for his holiday to watch a home stretch of Wild games. The first thing Stefan said to me was, “I am sorry for my not-so-good English.” To which I replied, “I am sorry to not be able to speak any German.” That was the ice-breaker there; one I use quite often. America is about the only country where one can be considered intelligent and only speak one language. Yet so many people for whom English is not their native tongue apologize for their limited ability to speak the language. I am appreciative, though somewhat embarrassed, that that burden is always on them and not me.
When Dwight D. Eisenhower was president, he believed that world peace could be achieved by “personal diplomacy” which emphasized nongovernmental contact between people of different countries. I witnessed that personally with Jameel and Nabil and that experience informed my desire to understand and respect people from all cultures.
In hindsight, it just goes to show that when we genuinely care about other people, when we are respectful and when we are appropriately curious, it doesn’t matter what culture someone is from.
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This post is republished on Medium.
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