I never imagined it would end up this way!
Going into that relationship, I had mixed feelings about what to expect. I was 25 and she is over a decade older than I am.
What did I have to offer her? I was just a junior engineer with few life experiences. She was a director with a chest full of life lessons and professional experiences. Maybe it was my energy and dashing looks (just kidding).
Personally, I stay away from potential flings, as does she. So clearly, we genuinely liked each other.
And once we realized that our value systems matched, we individually decided to commit to it 100%.
I’m glad I did as that experience helped me grow as a person in so many ways.
#Learning1 — Don’t Stretch Yourself Too Thin At Your 9–5
Tiffany(name changed)would give it her all on workdays from 9 to 5. She was 100% ON while at work and was proactive about not only leading new projects but also driving existing ones through to completion. This high level of concentrated effort was accelerating her career at a rapid pace. It gave her back more time to focus on other important things as she didn’t need to work long hours.
I had the opportunity to watch her work with a focused mind a few times, and it encouraged me to more effectively utilize my working hours.
In my time in the tech industry, I have noticed that far too often people stretch themselves out too thin. They are happy to be doing little. They are focused on leaving work early and “relaxing” by completely switching off their minds. They let time pass with no meaningful contributions to show. Then, at the nth moment, they scramble to meet deadlines and at best, deliver average results. It is no wonder that they feel stuck in their careers. Proactiveness rewards and reactiveness stagnates.
Compressing a good amount of work into a short period of time enabled Tiffany to reach a senior level in her career very early on. Developing that mindset will be nothing but rewarding, as I have experienced through my recent career progression.
#Learning2 — Break Out Of Your Shell, There Are Amazing People Out There
I was shy, and still am. I had the hardest time connecting with new people. But I have come a long way since I first met her. Tiffany works in marketing and has developed excellent people skills that I have seen few others possess.
She puts on a big and genuine smile while interacting with others, has a good sense of humor, and through her warmth, can make people feel comfortable to share their thoughts.
Her superpower is that she exudes high levels of energy, and that makes people want to be around her.
Interacting with her helped me tweak my communication style. It enabled me to step out of my comfort zone more often and connect with new people. People were also happier to engage with me because, like her, I too began putting effort and energy into my interactions.
#Learning3 — It’s Your Hard Earned Money, Protect It! Then Carefully Spend It
Even though she could easily afford the choicest of luxuries, she was prudent with her finances. She settled for a regular commuter car and instead, acquired real estate assets early on in her life.
She regularly monitored her finances and promptly plugged leaks when she identified them.
Witnessing her financial decisions helped me curb impulsive spending, especially on items that would have absolutely no value addition for me.
But on things that genuinely made her happy, and added value to her life, she spent with little hesitation. I like how she has traveled the world, not only enjoyed those trips but also learned from those experiences, and evolved into a wiser human being.
She spent on new cultural and culinary experiences and thrilling adventures that gave her a renewed perspective on her life and profession.
So, guard your precious resource, your money. Spend it on things that’ll foster growth and make you genuinely happy, and save it from impulsive spending on cheap dopamine fixes. It’s important to enjoy life every day and not only in the short term.
#Learning4 — Read Without Fail
The first time I visited her home, I noticed several racks full of books. Most successful people making an impact on the world seem to have this one trait in common — they read every day.
I’m happy at how my association with her has positively impacted me to diligently resume reading books.
Having read a wider variety of books on different subjects has helped me not only keep my intellectual curiosity alive but also enabled me to participate in discussions more effectively.
I managed 11 in 2021 which was a new personal record for me.
#Learning5 — Relentlessly Pursue What Matters the Most To You
Tiffany has faced several setbacks with her health in the past. There were long periods in her life when things got exponentially bad and no doctor was able to point to a definitive root cause.
As you may have guessed, this can get extremely frustrating and even depressing.
Tiffany is a fighter. She wasn’t going to back down until she had the answers. I have seen her doggedly search for answers on the web, consult with doctors around the country and even explore alternate medicine until she found a reasonable explanation.
In general, if we aim to achieve a high level of excellence in any area of our lives, profession, side hustle, wealth, and even relationships, it will take nothing less than a never-back-down attitude to get there. That’s the kind of attitude I have been working to inculcate within my 9–5 and as a writer on this platform.
You’re either all in or you neglect to make your life to order, thus casting yourself upon the broad sea of circumstances where you will be tossed hither and yon.
#Learning6 — Compliments Not Voiced Will Do No One Any Good
If you think someone looks sharp today, let them know. If you felt your colleague’s presentation was insightful and impactful, let them know. You will make their day, and encourage them to keep it up.
Tiffany was always hearty in her approbations and lavish in her praise. I noticed how her genuine compliments not only motivated me to give my fullest to our relationship but also certainly strengthened our bond.
#Learning7 — Set Expectations Through Dialogue
From the onset, Tiffany and I regularly discussed problems that affected our relationship. Through healthy discussions, we were able to resolve violated expectations and broken commitments.
In relationships and while on the job, people silently endure repeated letdowns. It frustrates them but they chose not to talk about it with the parties involved. Then one day, that built-up frustration makes them explode and they either fight or take flight.
If you can make effective dialogue a non-negotiable part of your life, I’m certain that you will either avoid long-term frustrations or identify unresolvable situations early on and take appropriate measures to safeguard your interests.
…
While our romantic relationship has sadly ended, we continue to remain close friends and share a common bond from our time together. I’m thankful for having this amazing person in my life who has taught me so much and made me a far better version of myself.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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Photo credit: Wesley Balten on Unsplash