Joanna Schroeder is sick of people degrading and dehumanizing men by saying things like “let men be men”.
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“Let men be men.”
What does that mean? You hear it a lot in reference to the “manly” things men do: Drinking beer, punching each other, checking out women’s asses, wearing sloppy clothing, watching sports while wearing make-up on their hairy chests and hats with horns on them. You know, stuff all men like to do all the time. Right??
Well, I call bullshit. And I call bullshit on FoxNews for propagating the idea that engaging in street harassment is just a part of being a guy. I resent the idea that they think men don’t care about women’s feelings, about respecting other people’s dignity, about being a part of helping women feel safe in public spaces. This sort of infantilization of grown adults pisses me right off.
It pisses me off that we’re told our whole lives that men are basically animals, that they can’t control their sexual urges and are willing to harm women physically and emotionally for their own gain. It enrages me that they don’t realize the harm they’re doing to both men and women when they spout this sort of crap.
How can we excuse treating men like children who can’t control their impulses? We put men and boys in danger when we say that all they want is sex and will screw anything that walks, because then we take away their inherent right—their human right—to say “no” whenever and wherever they want. Men and boys deserve the right to bodily autonomy, and messages like “all men care about is sex” and “men are pigs, it’s natural!” erode that right.
And we’re harming women and children, too. When we say that men can’t control their urges, we create a culture where there are no personal or sexual boundaries. We create a world where men have the right, by nature of their gender, to violate our comfort, safety, bodily autonomy and sense of security. We create a society where the responsibility is on women to prevent our own rapes, because we think so little of men that we don’t believe they can control themselves. Do we really want that?
Do we really want to define manliness based upon the lowest common denominator?
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So, Fox News, allow me to take this “let men be men” BS and turn it on its head for you:
Let men be men: Let them be fathers. Let them engage emotionally and physically with their kids, from the day of their birth until they are old and grey. Let them bond fully and completely with their babies. Let them be as important in their kids’ lives as a mother is.
Let men be men: Let them love who they’re going to love with openness and without fear.
Let men be men: Let them love their wives and girlfriend with reckless abandon. Let them throw all the so-called “manly” barriers to intimacy to the ground so they can be full, engaged, emotional partners for the women they love, while being considered strong husbands… not “whipped”.
Let men be men: Let men define their gender how they see fit. Embrace trans men as part of the noble fabric of masculinity.
Let men be men: Let them recognize and honor other people’s boundaries. Let them stand up for those who need it – whether it’s a baby kitten trapped in a smoky house or a woman being harassed on the street. Let them do this without the fear of another man attacking or trying to kill them. Let them know that they deserve to have people stand up for them, too.
Let men be men: Let them tell their stories, and let them be safe. Let them speak up about the heartaches and abuse they’ve survived. Let them find hope and support and healing. Let their manhood never, ever be challenged for reaching out for help.
Let men be men: Let them eat quiche, let them get pedicures, let them lounge about in silk pajamas. Or not. Let them be who they are – whether it conforms to society’s ideas of what men should wear, or say, or eat, or do… or whether it doesn’t. Let them wear coveralls in the garage if they want, but also let them wear an apron in the kitchen if that’s their thing.
Let our boys be the type of boys they naturally are—let them wrestle or play in the dirt, or let them play with dolls or have a tea party. Let them know that they have a right to be who they are, and that they are still loved and treasured.
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Embrace the good men in your life. By virtue of them being who they are, they are men being men. And they deserve our respect, not the degradation that people like the folks over at Fox News heap on them when they say that sexual harassment is just a part of being who they are.
Because I don’t want my sons growing up thinking so little of themselves.
Time to get it together, FoxNews. I mean, even Playboy understands this better than you.
THIS. This is gorgeously written, wholly felt, and so much truth. Thank you for this.
“It pisses me off that we’re told our whole lives that men are basically animals, that they can’t control their sexual urges and are willing to harm women physically and emotionally for their own gain.” Urges aren’t actions, but there’s a strong tendency to equate the two when it comes to men’s sexual urges. If a guy admits to finding yoga pants sexy, for example, he can expect to be charged with objectification and misogyny, even if he controls the urges well short of translating them into actions like cat-calling or assault. Part of letting men be men in this… Read more »
Fox news and their newscasters…. sigh…
Whenever I catch snippets of them I feel like I’m in the Twilight Zone…left thinking that what I’m seeing can’t possibly be real. Yet real it is. So sad.
It bothers me that no one can hold entertainment/news organizations like Fox News accountable for the social harm they perpetuate for ratings. This “let men be men” is why so many men can’t move past all of their social isolation. Western society has put men into a “catch-22” where being a man means being an ass because the only socially acceptable position for “real men” to aspire to is a misogynistic, shortsighted, big-truck driving, gun-toting caveman. (Not that they think this is a problem, mind you.) I understand that education and social refinement are not part of the “real men”… Read more »
Thanks for the comments you guys. YES we need to start exploding the myth that there is one form of manliness, and that it is one that harms others.
Joanna, Thank you for standing up for what is real and good in men. All of us that are men, know men, and care about men, need to hear voices like yours. I was moved to tears by your “Let men be men” lines. Thank you, thank you, thank you, on behalf of myself, my sons and grandsons, my wife, daughter, grand daughters, and all those who care enough to stand up and explore all aspects of what it means to be a truly good man (and woman) in this world.
Thaddeus, i think that is a great question and i was thinking about the same.
I think that the forces that benefit are those who exploit people like human livestock, for perpetuation of a system that benefits few people a lot and hurts most people. I think that racism and sexism and all other forms of social division serve to “divide and conquer” — to keep the common people from uniting and understanding the whole system’s methods and resisting.
I can’t agree more! Inane catch-phrase philosophies and doctrine are so easily relied upon by any and all people. The popularity of catch-phrase doctrine shows us how blind and fickle our specie and be. “Boys Will Be Boys” is taken as a license to harm, even if never referenced by the offender prior to said harmful incident. The Boys Will Be Boys rule has found its way onto secret, family, school system, and neighborhood courts of “we don’t need to consider this an offense.” For some reason, it has become a fundamental cannon of our “I know better than you”… Read more »