Everyone’s story matters and it’s important
that we take the time to listen to each other.
–
Dear Mr. Manly Man:
If you haven’t figured it out, there are some of us men who aren’t just like you. This is our letter to you. There are a few things we’d love to share.
1. We need manly men in our lives.
We need good and honest examples in all shapes, sizes, and styles. Some of us may prefer a trip to the art museum rather than a car show or hunting store. When going out for a movie, some of us would choose a drama over an action adventure and we might enjoy watching a cooking or interior design show rather than a football game. It doesn’t mean we’re sissies and need to “man up.” We are different but we need you to be a part of our world.
2. Don’t be afraid of us.
Although you might not completely understand us, there’s nothing for you to fear. We are all unique and creative designs. We’re not trying to change you and we don’t need changing. There are times; however, that we might consider learning from each other – some of us may cry a little too easily and it might do good for others of us to learn how to be vulnerable and not keep the hidden bitterness raging inside.
I’ll never forget the college professor who pulled me aside and privately shared with me a better way to carry my books. He wasn’t trying to change who I was but he was trying to protect me from the taunts of others who never learned to be polite. To this day, I am grateful for his courage in helping this young man make a small change that saved him from lots of future pain.
When it comes down to it, relationships are to be embraced and not feared. Our differences should draw together and not keep us apart. We need each other. When it comes down to it, we’re not all that different.
3. If he resembles us, you’re son is okay.
If you have a son who doesn’t measure up to “your manliness,” it’s going to be fine. Don’t fear him either. Celebrate his differences and don’t keep the hugs away. Every boy needs a dad who believes in his uniqueness and celebrates his varied talents. It might take you out of your comfort zone but show him that you’re not afraid to take risks. Take time to enter his world and learn about or share with him in something he enjoys!
You see, we probably all have differences in opinion when it comes to all this “masculinity” stuff. I think it’s amazing. Everyone’s story matters and it’s important that we take the time to listen to each other.
So next time we meet, let us know that you care. Be present and don’t buy in to the stereotypes. (We’ll try to do just the same.) Maybe consider sharing some of the pain or hurt you may have been holding inside. When it is all said and done, we might shed a tear or even share a hug. It’s even possible that you might like it. I know we will.
Don’t give up on us. We’re in your corner and we need you in ours!
Sincerely,
Sir Notso Manly Man
Originally appeared at Not a Male Fail.com
Photo: Mariko1/Flickr
Thank you Steve. That worked!
Try this.
Go here: http://www.notamalefail.com
CLICK on the button that says SUBSCRIBE (=
Steve can you help me with this email sign up thing? Technically i can be a luddite and when i copied the link, pasted it in my browser and the brick stared at me i realized it was saying, “and you want me to go where, stupid?” I really do wish to read your stuff. Thanks!
Let me know when you plan on your book being finished Steve. Love to read it based on your thoughts laid out in this snippet.
Sure thing! Feel free to sign up for my emails and you can read excerpts along the way if you’d like. (=
EMAIL SIGN UP: bit.ly/1C9HkD9
Btw. I believe in MLK who said we judge a man by the quality of his character and not the color of his skin. To paraphrase, a human is to be judged by their character and not by their interests or affectations or their sense of beauty, fashion or outward expression of who they are.
You got it exactly right. In fact, in the book I’m writing that will be one of the main conclusions. Again, thanks for your input!!! Love it.
Well stated Mark
Thanks Steve. Even though it looks like a chimp typed my response! Stupid little keyboards and useless spell check! I’ve just got to wonder how much of the manly man routine is a facade as you implied. I think the vast majority of it is. The reason i say this is the false conclusions. Manly mean fix things. Get dirty. Be boisterous. Be quiet and carry a big stick. Be defensive of family. All the stereotypes you can think of. Fine. But cannot women do those things too? Sure they can and that certainly doesn’t define them as a man… Read more »
Tjats part of the problem tom. We don’t know the half hug is as important. So many men are uncomfortable with any touch. Men have become do uncomfortable, well, many men, that any human touch between guys is homoerotic. How nuts is that? Commercial for the survivor teality show talks about a bromance because 2 guys connected. That sends me off the wall. My best buddy for over 40 years now is not a bromance and i find that HIGHLY offensive. But i love him more than any other guy i know. Because i trust him implicitly with my best… Read more »
Well said Mark. I believe we are all a “combination” of the stereotypes either way – in other words we are all special and unique humans. We are men and we were created for relationship and that includes with each other! Thanks for chiming in.
Mark, you’re a man … it’s that simple. You’re Mark, you’re a husband. I HATE the term “bromance.” It’s some concocted label someone came up with. At my age I have seen men embrace, shake hands, half hug and bear hug. The men I’ve been around have no problem with any show of affection. But please don’t label it. Not too long ago at my brothers funeral, I was a rock throughout the evening. It wasn’t until the next morning when they family was given last viewing that I fell apart. It was three men (not including my surviving brother)… Read more »
Dear Notso Manly man, If you haven’t figured it out, there are many of us who you would label “manly men.” Accordingly, I would like to share a few things. 1. We’re really okay with “not so manly men” in our lives. Somewhere along the line, someone came up with the idea that we ONLY associate with “manly men.” Truth is that we do associate with a variety of different males but it’s only natural that we’re drawn to men with similar interests. Don’t be offended that we may choose activities that you may feel uncomfortable with. 2. Don’t be… Read more »
I agree with everything you shared! The very reason I added: “We need good and honest examples in all shapes, sizes, and styles.” AND suggested “some of us,” “you might not,” and the idea that “everyone’s story matters and it’s important that we take the time to listen to each other.” Awesome response! No stereotyping here – sorry if it seemed that way to get my point across. =D HUG
back at ya
“Please stop labeling us as “manly men.”
Without the label you woudn’t even start this comment, as you are “just a man”. Labels, sometimes, help people get closer.