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In the digital era where interactions are fleeting, romance has become heart emojis, and ‘ghosting’ has become a common way to end a relationship (just disappearing without saying anything), it is understandable that dating has become more of a Rubik’s Cube than ever before.
So, then, how can you possibly tell if someone is actually into you, or if they are just biding their time until someone else catches their eye? If you ever find yourself asking “Do they like me?” then ask yourself these questions…
“Are they investing real time in getting to know me?”
Texting is great. It’s very convenient, quick, and it allows you to communicate with people at times when we never could before. However, we cannot expect texting and chatting to solely create a real lasting bond between two people.
The only real sign of true investment in a relationship is time spent together. Anyone can text you all day long. Anyone can shower you with compliments. Anyone can send flowers to your work.
But…none of it matters if they’re not spending real time with you creating a bond.
“Are they pushing for sex right away?”
I have a strong personal opinion that there is no ‘right time’ to sleep together. If you both want to do it on the first date, great! If you want to wait a few dates, great! What’s important is that the two of you are both comfortable with the intimacy happening and understanding that the relationship might not work out.
That being said, someone who’s serious about you—though they will obviously want to sleep with you—will not push the subject. Why not? Because the sex is not their ultimate goal. Spending time with you and building a relationship is their goal, and that will happen with or without the sex.
Naturally, I’m not saying that someone will wait around for a year, because that would just feel to them like you’re not interested or attracted to them. But they will allow things to move at your pace out of respect.
“Are they paying real attention to the things I say?”
Did you mention the smell of a candle that you like to them? Is there a book you enjoy reading or a show you enjoy seeing? Someone who is into you will hang on your words and pay attention to detail.
“Are they comfortable being affectionate in public?”
Not everyone is into PDA (public display of affection), and that’s okay. But there is a big difference between not being the touchy type, and actively trying to appear single. You should be with someone who is proud to have you. Someone who is comfortable letting the world know you’re together. Someone who will want to appear as a team.
Life is too short to be with someone who doesn’t fully appreciate you and show it.
“Would I accept this type of treatment from a friend?”
It’s not only important how you feel about the person you’re with—it’s also important how they make you feel about yourself when you’re with them.
I know many people who make excuses for poor treatment from their partner. They have a stressful job. They’ve been traveling this week. They really love me deep down. They just aren’t very expressive.
Regardless of what the issue is, it is imperative to be 100% honest with yourself about the way someone is treating you. We get caught up in the excitement of a new relationship and can easily overlook warning signs—but your instinct and intuition are strong, and it should be acknowledged.
Ask yourself if you would accept the type of treatment they’re giving you from a friend. Because the best relationships are built on a foundation of friendship in the first place. If you cannot create that type of connection with a person, then why would you want to be with them intimately?
Honesty is not only important between partners—but also with yourself.
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This post was originally published on jamesmsama.com, and is republished here with the author’s permission.
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