Josie and Eli weigh in on whether or not a dream about an ex has to mean something.
She Said: This could easily be about unresolved feelings regarding the ex… It’s always sort of odd to have someone be your boyfriend (and probably closest friend) for a year of your life and then just to have them out of your life. If you take the romance and sex angle out, we don’t really do that with people in our lives who are that close to us.Of course, sometimes those types of separations are necessary at the end of a relationship and it’s normal to miss that person—even if the missing is just for that person being in your life as a friend.
There’s another element at play, too, possibly.Sometimes our funny little human brains desire a little discord, so they inject some trouble where they can. The dream may be totally innocent, but we take the feeling and the resulting thoughts a little too seriously and start to cause drama where it may not be necessary.
A friend once said something smart to me about unwanted thoughts… If you can watch them come into your brain, observe the thought and acknowledge it (i.e. “hey, there’s a thought about Ben again”) without judgement or panic or any sort of kooky mojo, you can probably then just watch the thought pass by again. Like a car that passes in front of your window. It’s there, it’s passing, it’s gone. You don’t need to chase it.
Once you remove the “Uh-oh, what does this mean?!” element, I bet the dreams will either go away, or become so much not-a-big-deal, that you’ll realize it’s probably unnecessary to tell your boyfriend about them.If you really do feel bothered, check in with your friendly local therapist before saying something to your boyfriend. Better to process with a pro before bringing the problem to your boyfriend.
He Said: Oh, the trouble we get into in our dreams! Occasionally, my girlfriend will wake up in a particularly distant and grumpy mood. When I press her for the reason, she tells me that she’s annoyed, because I cheated on her… in her dream!
Thankfully (especially in these cases) dreams are not reality. So, your ex keeps hanging out with you in your dreams. No big deal. If you tell your current boyfriend, and make a whole thing of it, you run the risk of alarming your man (unnecessarily). Do you have some unresolved feelings about your ex? Maybe you do. But that doesn’t mean they’re interrupting your current relationship, or that your unresolved feelings are significant enough to discuss with the ex you don’t talk to.
If you keep having these dreams (3 years is a while), it’s time to head to the bookstore, and study up on dream analysis. Happy reading!
P.S. – I too had a time where I was dreaming about an ex (non sexually) for an extended period, while in a happy relationship with my girlfriend. Long story short, I hung out with the ex (in real life), and stopped having dreams about her shortly after. Sometimes hanging out with the ex is the perfect reminder why your exes in the first place.