It is common in relationships to doubt or overlooks love when it is not directly expressed through words. Whether with a boyfriend, family member, or even a friend, it can be easy to assume someone does not love or care if they do not say “I love you”.
However, love is not just a word. Love can be expressed in more ways than just verbal declarations. Before concluding that your boyfriend does not love you, consider whether his actions show care and affection, even without direct statements of love.
Routine behaviors can be easy to get accustomed to and ignore, but that does not necessarily mean the feelings behind them are not real or deep. Your boyfriend consistently showing care through action may be his primary love language, rather than words.
Why does he struggle to say “I love you”? It may because :
1.Fear of vulnerability.
As a man, expressing love openly can make one feel exposed or weak, and he may wish to maintain more control or independence in the relationship. With time and trust-building, he may become more comfortable verbalizing his feelings.
2.Belief his actions are obvious.
He may assume you already know he loves you based on how he treats you, not realizing words are important to you or that actions can be overlooked or seem routine. Having an open conversation about each of your preferences for expression and affirmation can help clarify assumptions.
3.Difficulty verbalizing emotions.
Some people struggle to articulate deep feelings with ease. If words do not come naturally to him, focus on the effort he does make to show you care rather than what he does not say. You can also express how his actions make you feel and what they mean to you, helping him see the impact of his efforts.
The ways we express love and why it matters
There are many ways people show love, and how love is expressed depends on various factors. Understanding these factors and making an effort to express love in the ways that matter to you and your partner can strengthen your connection!
Personality influences the expression of love. Introverts may express love more subtly through deep conversation, while extroverts are more openly expressive. Besides, past experiences also impact comfort with expression. Those who have been hurt may struggle to openly express love due to fear of vulnerability, while those with positive experiences will find it easier.
The stage of a relationship affects expression as well. New couples tend to express love more frequently, while long-term couples may express it less assuming the love is implicitly understood.
Moreover, cultural background plays a role too. Those from eastern cultures tend to be more subtle in expression, while western cultures encourage more direct expressions.
Despite the differences, it is still important to express love to the one we love and care about.
1.Affirms the relationship and provides security. Letting your partner know you care reinforces your bond and commitment to them.
2.Build positive experiences to strengthen the relationship. Sharing loving expressions and moments together generates intimacy and happiness.
3.Prevents regret from lost opportunities. If love is not expressed when felt, you may regret the missed chance and feel sadness over what could have been shared.
How should we have a better-expressing way while we are shy to show?
At first, understanding how you and your partner express and perceive love will help you meet each other’s needs. To simplify, there are five love languages of “words of affirmation”, “quality time”, “gifts”, “acts of service”, and “physical touch”. Discuss and understand differences in expression preferences between you and your partner. Compromise and find a balance in the way you show the love that satisfies both of you. Do not force expressions the other does not prefer.
Besides, make loving expressions a habit. Be genuine and express love regularly in natural ways. It may feel awkward at first but will become second nature with practice. Start small and be open to showing love in the ways your partner appreciates!
Before questioning whether he loves you at all, reflect on the full context of your relationship and conversations. Notice the big and small ways he shows he cares and understands that love languages differ for everyone. If you continue to feel insecure, have an open and honest discussion about your feelings and preferences for expression.
While there are many ways to express love, making time and effort to understand how you and your partner show and perceive love, then compromising to meet both sets of needs, will strengthen your connection eventually. Do not be afraid to express love, even if imperfectly.
With work from both sides, sharing love will become a cherished part of your relationship, and a healthier balance of verbal and physical affection can be achieved!
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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