Theresa Byrne experienced a new level of enlightenment in networking with entrepreneurs. One that reminded her of working with children.
—
I had the pleasure of attending a conference filled with entrepreneurs and I took the opportunity to observe people in their sales habitat from a whole new perspective. Luckily I’ve always believed that working with adults is easy, especially after teaching children. I see the kid-like behaviors and habits just grown up and put on better outfits and cuter shoes.
◊♦◊
There were instances I found fascinating, things that were heart-centered and things I wish I could unsee. Yet “people are people” as those wise philosophers from the 90’s Depeche Mode remind me.
I’ve never networked with a brain still healing from car accident before. Normally I’m an off-the-charts extrovert, but this injury has made me feel more like an introvert. Most of the change is caused by an incredible sensitivity to literally everything (like the character, Brick, from Anchorman yells: “Loud noises loud noises!”). My filter is damaged, which means I absorb information in a brand new way, but can’t tune out sounds, noises, lights, conversations, etc. My new way of observing people led me to see these funny categories at this networking conference.
◊♦◊
“The business card shover”
Within the first few seconds meeting this person, they were handing me their card, regardless of my reaction. I wasn’t quite sure what to do with it. It was like the perfume ladies at the department store, suddenly I had to put my hands up and say “no thank you!” as I was running down the aisle. Or the child shoving their bunny in your face for play-time.
“The business card grabber”
This is the same aspect of the first person. Immediately after saying hello they’d ask for a business card. I’d like a little conversation before I hand you my card, if you don’t mind. I’m a bit old fashioned. And maybe I don’t want to share my toys with every person I meet. Imagine my actual surprise when I realized business cards never made it to my packing list.
“The non-stop talker”
Hello. Stop talking. Just please. If you haven’t stopped talking in 5 or more minutes, or taken a breath, just stop. It’s not good for you, to go without breathing like that. Use fewer words. You’re repeating yourself, justifying yourself, and re-explaining yourself. It’s circle talk. Conversations are interactive, which means other people speak as well. I watched one woman monopolize 15-20 minutes at a meal. And I counted the number of times the three men tried to interrupt her. Seven. This reminded me of the little girl or boy that would create an elaborate game with long descriptions and guidelines, where they got to set the rules. All of the rules. And change them. There was very little room for input.
“Enough about you, what do you think of me?”
Some folks continuously steer conversations back to themselves, their thoughts, their thoughts about their thoughts, their thoughts about your thoughts, and ruminate on why they originally thought the thought in the first place. As someone who now notices the ENTIRE train of thoughts, and hears each of the words: it was exhausting. It was like being with the children without a filter that shared whatever they were thinking. No governor. All thinking spilling out. And as someone who’s filter is damaged, I can honestly say, it’s not always pretty.
“What can you do for me?”
The fun part was watching people look for leads or people that could help them in their business. It was very obvious the conversation wasn’t about a person, it was about an opportunity or s potential opportunity. It was about business. Some networkers were better at sliding this into conversations, and I actually appreciated the ones that came outright and said, “I’m looking for people who ….”. It was refreshing.
“The book by it’s cover judges”
I admit I also had fun with this one. Several people saw me in a cute hat wearing dark sunglasses inside and knew “something wasn’t right”. If they found out I have an interesting background, they were more intrigued. One of the funniest people I met was a motivational speaker/entrepreneur named Rachel Magerio who is blind. People would come up to pet her service dog and completely ignore Rachel, the sarcastic wit, who is not only brilliant, she’s wise beyond her years. (She’s teaching me how blind people sense things when they walk around! It’s fascinating)!
“Let me tell you what you should do.”
These are the folks that offered coaching, consulting, or opinions at the drop of a hat. And I hadn’t dropped my hat. When one woman asked what I’d been doing, and I told her I taught defense and owned a martial arts studio, she suggested I stop doing it. It was like getting a prescription without a diagnosis.
◊♦◊
My new way of observing people also allowed to see some several incredibly inspiring and emotionally grown up entrepreneurs.
For most of these types, it took me a couple days to figure out what they did for a living. I met them as human beings first.
Kindness
Like Joseph Ranseth who teaches people how to become TEDTalks speakers. Um, hello? You’d think he’d be all over wearing THAT on a tee shirt. But no, he was kind, a great listener, and interested in others first.
Sees people for people
Then there was Dr. Ken Albrecht, a doctor who runs a home health care facility sees people for people offered me wisdom on my brain injury as a human being and a doctor without caring one whit about anything other than my snappy sense of humor. And my hats.
Relatable and listens
Dr. Marcus Tafoya sat with me when I was overwhelmed with the amount of stimulus and talked me through his transition from cop with severe PTSD to professor to transformation specialist.
Authentic connectors
Then there are some rare folks who choose to highlight and introduce others before talking about themselves. They talk about who that person is, what they’re gifted at doing, how amazing and kind and knowledgeable someone else is before saying a word about their own business; I’d call that The Kwon (thank you Jerry McGuire). Those are the golden people that you want to keep noted.
Very few people acknowledged others, I noticed. Several of the folks I’ve mentioned are ones that were quick to compliment others. “Oh you need to meet so-and-so! They do this amazing thing and you’d love it!”
Appreciator
“I appreciate you,” as Wanda Sealy, the multitasking training guru said all weekend to the small kindnesses people would show her. Even the waitstaff. Now that’s my kind of person, kind to the waitstaff. Kind to everyone. It took me three full days to find out what she does for a living, I cared about her as a person before I learned what she did for a business.
Wisdom and listening. The same went for Mr. Randall Thompson, who as it turns out, is a wise philosopher who helps entrepreneurs become authorities in their own fields. I dubbed him, “The Authority,” and he blushed unsure if he could take that moniker on.
Makes others feel comfortable
And Stacey Murphy, the Love Goddess Intimacy Coach, who made sure everyone always felt included.
◊♦◊
It was the people that looked past others who stumped me so I turned to my networking expert friend Sabrina Risley for help. Me: “Answer this question for me please: why would people be clueless when it comes to what’s OK or not OK at networking? How could they not interact in a conversational manner? How does that happen?”
Luckily the sassy but sane Sabrina came to my rescue! She is the entrepreneur CEO and Founder behind the uber cool networking group, Certus Professional Network that’s gone gangbusters and was a viable resource for me.
Sabrina said, “They’re focused on themselves. They are being “me-centered” which is what most people are when they first set out to go networking. “What can I get out of this?” or “What do I NEED to get out of this?”
In their own defense, no one has taught them how to network or if they got any type of instruction, it was probably to “go out there and bring home the bacon!” aka get new clients. Full circle, they’re still thinking about themselves and what they’ll get out of it. (To help, there are several great articles to on the Certus website). But here are a few main key points:
1. Don’t talk too long to people you already know or the same person at the event. Get around and have 3-5 quality conversations with new connections. If you don’t know how to end a conversation, there are some suggestions: in an article here.
2. Help to be helped. Sure, help for the sake of helping but you must also help others before you can expect to be helped. Maybe they need an introduction to a new resource, or they’re moving next month and need a recommendations on a mover.
3. Ask good questions and focus the topic of conversation on the other person. If you’re doing most of the talking, you’re not building a relationship. Ask good questions to get them talking about themselves and their business. There’s always a good and appropriate follow up question to ask and if you can’t think of one, you’re probably thinking about yourself.
4. Have a quick and interesting answer ready when you’re asked “So what do you do?” They ask you the question but are secretly hoping your have a really interesting answer. Don’t make them regret they asked by droning on forever. Answer quickly, succinctly, focus on the benefits of what you do (vs. features) and turn the attention back to them by asking another question.
5. This is actually my #1 networking tip: Build a DREAM Team. Look for collaborative partnerships vs. new clients. Networking and asking for introductions to a new “power partner” or referral partner will yield more new clients than networking to find new clients ever will. Here’s an article on the topic.
6. Follow up within 48 hours with the people you had synergy with. Find 10 unique ways to follow up so you stand out from the crowd: here.
7. Don’t just network but BUILD A NETWORK that’ll be there when you need it most. You can’t just ask for help from someone you just met or from someone you met 7 months ago and haven’t kept in touch with since. There are the subtle differences between building a networking, just networking, and going through the motions.
8. Be consistent and commit to your networking regimen. Try to attend 2-3 events per month, every month. You build credibility and trust when people see you and have conversations with you throughout the month, month after month.
◊♦◊
If you have insights into what works in networking; comments or things that aren’t on these lists or better yet, funny types you’ve seen, please feel free to share them below. We all learn from each other’s experiences! Or at least laugh with each other.
—
Photo: Getty Images