When the majority of chefs are men, why should it be taboo for a boy to cook? Why should any child suffer limitations on play based on their cis-gender?
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The holidays are almost over here in sunny Mexico. On January 6th, the last batch of presents will land in my son’s lap—a collection of toys of all kinds, catering to his interests. Last year, one of those toys was a Melissa & Doug pretend food set. He loved it.
My little man is a baker. He loves playing with kitchen utensils, measuring ingredients, mixing with a spoon, or holding the bowl while I let the electric mixer go to town. He’s four. It’s like magic to see how solids melt, liquids turn different colors and a delicious treat rises out of a heap of random foods. And that scares some people.
He’s a boy. He shouldn’t cook. That’s for girls.
Every play kitchen I can find here is pink and purple. Aprons all have flowers. Kitchen toys for kids are all “for little girls.” A boy cook is a cultural taboo.
But let’s take a look in the kitchens. Here, as in most places in the world, the majority of chefs are men. Why should it be taboo for a boy to cook?
This Christmas, we were in the US. I thought we’d find a better selection of boy kitchen toys in California, but I was wrong. The majority, once again, were “for girls.” (While we’re at it, since when do we need to limit our boys to blue and green and our girls to pink and purple?)
So let’s think about this for a minute…aside from the fact that mindset this slows down little boys in learning the skills they need, when they want to become chefs, it has other harmful effects. It teaches gender stereotypes, but it also does something even worse—when we teach our kids there are “girl” toys and “boy” toys, we push our boys toward more violent playthings.
Boy toys are guns, superheroes that fight and sports equipment. Girl toys are baby dolls, cooking toys and jewelry-making gear. Boys get science. Girls get art. Boys get sports. Girls get ballerina tutus and makeup kits.
Twenty years later, we then get boys who are violent and bored, and girls who are told to embrace their liberty and find a good job, but don’t know how to begin. We get college science and math classrooms full of boys, but populated with few girls. And we get an average woman’s pant size of 12.
Gee, I wonder how that happened?
We get dads who are afraid to hold their kids, or who consider taking care of the home “woman’s work.” We get women who decide between career and family, instead of realizing both are possible. Still we wonder why.
I’m not saying it’s all about the toys, but they do play a role in how our kids end up. Preschoolers are testing out different identities. They copy the people they love and imitate professions that look interesting. When we impose limits on that play, we prevent our kids from discovering hidden talents, and we might just be blocking the path to a more sensitive and balanced boyhood for our little men.
The same goes for telling our kids what shows boys should watch and what shows girls should watch, which limits their self-expression. They’ve got years and plenty of hormones, to help them figure out where they fit on the gender spectrum. Emotional intelligence isn’t so predetermined; part of raising our kids is teaching them to be sensitive, but strong, resilient and yet vulnerable when necessary—it’s a careful balance, and we can’t expect it to arise out of a strictly gender-stereotyped childhood.
Know what I’m getting my kid (if I can find it)? A kitchen.
If I can’t, we’ll make some pink and purple flower cookies.
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Photo credit: Getty Images
dont get him toy food – teach him how to cook. i was in the kitchen and on a step stool cooking with grammy at the age of 5 – ps if you ever want to be independent of women, you best know how to cook, and ramen / mac & cheese doesn’t count
Boris, I agree with you entirely on the food – cooking with your kids teaches them good nutritional habits, the origins of foods, math, and a huge set of life skills that no one should overlook. Thanks for the comment!
All the advertising I saw this Christmas showed boys and girls playing with the toy kitchens. My grandsons had one.
That’s great to hear, Tom! I wish I’d had the same experience as you. But it’s not just the kitchens…from baby dolls to cis-gender color associations in clothing and toys of all kinds, there are a lot of the ways that we push kids towards specific attitudes and cis-genders.