How do you talk to your children about inequality in the world?
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- Set a positive example – It must start at home with my husband and I sharing household responsibilities and work responsibilities and modeling a respectful and equal relationship in which we honor each other for who we are. Also, as my husband rightly noted, we (especially he) must also ourselves model social engagement through our own efforts to create a more just world.
- Foster compassion and understanding – When I see Wild Thing (my oldest son) do something truly kind for someone else (without being told to or prompted to), it warms my heart, and I think that maybe I am getting something right as a parent. Yes, it makes me proud to hear him count or recognize his letters, but if I can teach him to be compassionate, especially to those who are different from him, I know that character trait will serve him well in life and that he can make a difference in the life of others.
- Introduce them to strong females – In real life and through books/stories, etc., sometimes the tendency is for us as parents to get boy books for boys and girl books for girls, while I think kids need to see stories with characters like them, I also think sharing books with my boys in which a girl is the hero is equally important for their worldview.
- Foster generosity – Greed is connected to many of the challenges facing girls in the world as people take advantage of the vulnerable. We teach our children to share, but the adult world still remains obsessed with ownership and the acquisition of stuff. If I can foster a generous spirit in my children, I can raise men who see the importance of giving, rather than taking. I must also set the example by giving to those less fortunate and by living within my means, maintaining a humble home where we are not surrounded and obsessed with our stuff, but are surrounded and focused on each other.
- Fill their lives with proper male role models – When talking about this post with my husband, he shared how valuable it was in his own life to not only have a father who modeled a commitment to equality, social justice and respect for others, but of the value of having other men in his life who were positive role models. My husband noted that what we teach our children through books and discussions is great, but what they see everyday matters much more.
Photo provided by author.
Originally appeared at The Good Long Road
Boys are not given any respect by society. They are stereotyped to be dumb, sex fiends, and rapists to be. Why do you think someone who is not taught to value himself will be able to value and respect others- Male or female??? Another thing you should have addressed in talking about equality is that girls are far more likely to graduate from all levels of the educational system. Equality goes both ways. 60% of college graduates are female and experts predict the disparity will continue to widen as it has done every year for the past 30 years. Help… Read more »
Opening your discussion with feminist clap trap lies does help start any useful conversation.
Your fear that boys will somehow revert to a misogynistic rapist by default if not dealt with very carefully is the height of misandry.
I try my best to explain masculinity to my boy. I try to tell him what it means to be a man in this world (in particular – and in this case – a white man of relative privilege), who is growing up in a neighborhood that is diverse not only racially, but culturally. Like I did, he is growing up with friends who aren’t white in a primarily white city. His ideas of community, justice, prejudice, and masculinity are definitely shaped, on some level, by the cultures he is experiencing. It can be a hard road among young adults… Read more »
One of the things not to do is circumcise infant boys. What are you telling them when this happens? You can do whatever you want with whatever body part you choose as long as the person isn’t capable of speaking out against it.
Hi, Thanks for inviting us to share our opinions on “How to Raise Good Boys”. Good article. An important aspect that I believe wasn’t mentioned is to protect them from the same gender discrimination and hegyemony that affects girls. I think, that because the economics and voices of women squelched, we assume that women are more oppressed by the system then men. Maybe they are, maybe they aren’t, but I think we need to acknowledge the emotional toll on boys to be strong, not express creativity in dress, to suppress feelings, and to be the oppressor. Our boys are hurting,… Read more »
This is absolutely a great point, and I think about this a lot with my own sons and with men in general. I think there is a strict idea of what it means to be a man and that masculinity can be very narrowly defined and that this can absolutely make boys and men suffer and feel discrimination. This piece was originally written within the context of the Day of The Girl, thus the focus on ways I work to raise boys to be men who will respect women as equals. Thanks for sharing your thoughts — so valuable.
What about a piece on raising girls who respect boys? When are we going to see that piece. The stats are in (you can google them) and teenage girls are more violent towards their boyfreinds than the reverse…
Anna, I am a man, now in my late forties, and I would like to thank you for these comments. This passage in particular I found very insightful; in fact, I was quite moved by the depth of understanding in these words. “Our boys are hurting, and they don’t have a way out, and they aren’t allowed to complain about it. When we, as a society, can give them a shoulder to cry on, a sympathetic ear, and a rose to smell, I believe they will treat us and each other with tender generosity.” Believe these, your own words Anna;… Read more »