I have an urgent message for parents everywhere: Please, please raise your sons to dump women. Among the many values that must be instilled in boys, the importance of dumping someone—clearly and definitively—should be at the top of the list. Women deserve closure and they deserve explanations, even if it causes severe discomfort on your sons’ behalf. A simple phone call or email is sufficient enough to do the job. But please, for the love of everything that is good and decent, no disappearing acts.
When I was nineteen-years-old, I had fallen hopelessly in love with someone—to protect his identity, let’s simply refer to him as F.H.—and after weeks of professing his undying love and commitment to me, he disappeared. Vanished. Kidnapped by aliens or swallowed into a big, black hole, I had no clue. He had told me he was going on a weekend trip where there would be no cell phone reception, but that he’d be in contact with me as soon as he returned. A few days went by, then a week, and after two weeks of complete radio silence (on his part, not mine. I was faithfully leaving hysterical voice messages on his phone like a good girlfriend should), I broke down and called his mother. His mother—to protect her identity, let’s refer to her as M.H.—told me in no uncertain terms that F.H. was finished with me and that I needed to move on.
His mother dumped me. After everything we’d been through, the secrets we shared, the hours spent talking through the night, confessing our hopes, revealing our dreams, the laughs, the tears… It was his mother who ended it.
Sometimes, men disappear only to reappear weeks later as though they can continue where they last left off, and unfortunately, many women are just starved enough for attention to allow them to do so.
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It’s alright. I’ve recovered. Years of therapy can do that for a person. F.H. and M.H. are old history to me now, and if it weren’t for friends of mine finding themselves to be in similar situations today, I’d never think twice about them. But the fact of the matter is that guys like F.H. are EVERYWHERE; they cross all boundaries, race, color, creed, and species. These charismatic men are man enough to capture women and lure them into their carefully-conspired traps, but not man enough to see through the mission by releasing the prey—er, women—back into the wild.
Women deserve closure, period. First, they need to know that they have been dumped, and secondly, why they’re being dumped. It’s as basic a human need as food and water and air. And then, there’s the reappearing act. Sometimes, men disappear only to reappear weeks later as though they can continue where they last left off, and unfortunately, many women are just starved enough for attention to allow them to do so.
I say, enough is enough. It may very well be too late to change the twenty and thirty-something fartheads of today, but it’s not too late to impart this message onto the next generation of men. Talk to your sons, tell stories, and participate in role-play. Give them scenarios and offer choices to build their self-esteem and further develop this critical life skill. As an example you might say, if little Sammy decides that little Janie reminds him too much of his overbearing mother or if little Janie’s unfortunate habit of spending all of little Sammy’s lunch money goes out of control, should little Sammy,
A) Ignore little Janie completely in the hopes that she figures out on her own that little Sammy no longer wants to be her friend,
B) Make a mutual friend break the news,
or C) Sit little Janie down and gently, though firmly, explain the situation.
So, continue to teach your sons to lower the toilet lid, hold the door open, and carry the groceries for their female counterparts, but please, also teach them to dump women.
Thank you.
Mothers everywhere – please, please raise your sons to dump women.
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This post is republished on Medium.
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If a certain woman from Montreal would read this…. and also learn how to give closure to a man and not just hide under the excuse of sickness….., but well there are issues on both sides no doubt!
Dearest Ed, I had no idea so many men have been on the receiving side of this behavior. ?
“lower the toilet lid”??? Come on, who says the default position is with the seat down. Would you step into traffic without looking??
Err… interesting point, Ted. I’m going to have to do some serious thinking about that. ?
Amen!! Love love this article
Thank you, sistah!! ?
Yes!!! Love love this article. Spot on
I’m so glad you enjoyed it!!! ?
Men deserve closure too..
Yes, Saushik, men certainly do, and I will make sure my daughter learns this skill as much as my two boys. ??
Men deserve closure.. my ex suddenly married a guy and called me to let it know.. didnt even look me into my eye to tell me where I went wrong
If me and a girl are texting somewhat regularly and seeing each other once a month for a while and I decide to stop and she does too, did I need to dump her? We weren’t together right?
Good question, Will. I think it depends on how involved the two of you were; it sounds like it was a mutual separation in your case.
I was instructed by my own mother that it was never right to dump a woman – that she should be given the opportunity to initiate.
Needless to say, it was terrible advice.
I am so sorry to hear that ? I mean, obviously women prefer to hear declarations of undying love, but if that’s not possible, then dumping them is the kindest thing. You have to be cruel to be kind…
Yeah, only women deserve closure and an explanation. Men don’t?
Dearest Miguel, men deserve it just as much as their female counterparts. That being said, I think men don’t like to upset women and therefore, they do this avoidance technique in the hope that women will figure it out for themselves. Women however, don’t mind ruffling feathers so long as they know where their relationship stands. Of course, this is just my opinion and I’m always prepared to admit I’m wrong, but I really think I could get a PhD on the subject. ?
Oh no that is totally not right. There’s a reason why women use the phrase, “Let be friends,” because we don’t like to upset anyone including men.
But isn’t using that line a way to dump someone? You don’t say that unless you’re ending something romantic.
You need to do more research. Plenty of women are guilty of the behavior you blame men for.
This is just another article on this male bashing website that assumes men are lower than women. Men deserve closure just as much as women whether the author admits it or not.
She is simply a woman, speaking of her experiences as a woman. She never said men don’t deserve closure. It would have been really nice if you could have supported that instead of responding with victimization.
So men are not allowed to speak about their experiences? How compassionate of you.
Yes. Let’s talk about compassion. Compassion is not dismissing the experiences of an individual who wrote an article to express Life experiences that impacked them as a human being, in hopes that people will learn something from it; in favor of demanding that your own experiences be given more privilege, understanding and “compassion”, that your own experiences deserve more compassion, over theirs.
Seems like you are projecting. You have no compassion for men’s experiences and don’t want them to speak up for themselves.
Please feel free to explain how I’m projecting. Arguing for compassion for men, within an article where a woman is using her own life experiences to talk to men about what they can do to respectfully end relationships, and ingnoring the actual discussion in favor of your own agenda is not only the opposite of the compassion you want but don’t want to give, it is also hypocritical to the finest.