The very word “masculine” connotes today’s standard of masculinity: stay strong, don’t let emotions show, and be cutthroat in all you do. Emotional vulnerability has been one of the hardest things for many men to commit to, myself included. Thought leaders such as Justin Baldoni through his “Man Enough” movement. have started to forge a new way to think about masculinity, and to include emotional vulnerability in that definition.
It’s been helpful for me to think about, rather than how emotional vulnerability can feel scary, how much it can help – both at home and at work. Here are some ways that emotional vulnerability can help with leadership within one’s family and one’s workplace. Hopefully, these reasons can outweigh any of the societal pressures that say men shouldn’t be emotionally vulnerable, because as you’ll learn – vulnerability is a great strength.
- It solves problems faster.
Whether it’s a marriage disagreement or a miscommunication at the office, problems can’t be solved without full transparency. Much of the time, in an effort to not be emotionally vulnerable, men approach these problems from a calculated standpoint and choose to use evidence and logic to communicate. This negates any of the uncomfortable emotions under the service that need to be talked about – such as how his wife choosing to spend every Saturday night with her friends makes him feel lonely, or how the office seemingly liking the other manager better makes him feel hurt.
When approaching these painful problems from a logical standpoint, it may seem hard to craft the proper argument. For example: rather than telling his wife how he feels lonely and left out, he may turn it into an argument about money, and how much she ends up spending at dinner with her girlfriends. Or, he may feel the need to flash his accomplishments in the office to overcompensate for his feelings of inadequacy around the other manager. In both cases, he isn’t acting as the leader he should be, and the problem isn’t solved.
Coming clean and being honest about the emotional ramifications of these problems takes communication and problem solving straight to the source, solving problems faster.
- It can help you be healthier.
Holistic medicine preaches that many physical problems and symptoms are the result of emotions that haven’t been dealt with. Particularly, work by Louise Hay, such as in her book Heal Your Body, posits a list of symptoms that are closely tied to emotional causes. Examples include headaches caused by fear and invalidation of the self, tonsillitis caused by repressed emotions, and infections caused by annoyance and anger.
Until the core emotional problem is solved, medicine and doctor’s visits can only go so far. So, addressing the root problem is the first step in being healthier. Addressing this root problem always entails being emotionally vulnerable – with a therapist, a friend, or a family member. And, once healthier, a man can show up as a better leader at home and at work.
- It strengthens relationships.
Finally, sharing emotional vulnerability makes you feel closer to someone, similar to how you feel closer to someone when they become emotionally vulnerable with you. Sharing emotions is how we form bonds with others. Both in the workplace and with family members at home, strong relationships are key to a greater quality of life and helps you show up as the man your team and your family needs you to be.
Another reason it strengthens relationships is that it helps others understand you. Just like the classic quote, “Don’t judge another until you’ve walked a mile in his shoes,” understanding your vulnerabilities and your story will make sure that people at work who don’t know you very well understand you better and reserve judgment. And even if you think your family knows everything about you, emotional vulnerability will help alleviate any judgments they may harbor, too. Your vulnerability is never ‘wrong.’ It just helps those in your life see more of you and understand more of you, so you can make an even stronger impact on their lives.
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